DrugBuyers.Com: Busted for possession...please help I'm scared

First, I am sorry that this has touched off painful experiences for all those that have lost lives to Drunk Drivers.

I do feel that most of these were cases like my first DUI. I was DRUNK. I was in a clinical depression and self medicated myself. I still today thank that officer for pulling me over.
I was going through divorce and my husband had my (now grown) children for Christmas. It was my first Christmas w/o them and I wanted to see them so very badly.
I can say that had that officer not pulled me over I may have killed myself or another as I was up in the mountains.
I even thanked that officer in Court on the day of my guilty plea.
THOSE are the people that kill your loved ones. Not the person I am today.
I am not even justifying my depression as a reason for me to be drinking then. But I was completely out of control and unable to think clearly.
I don't know why I keep sharing more and more with you people when you clearly despise me and I am only giving you more ammunitioin, however, my state of mind was such at that time, that I was hospitalized 3 months later after a suicide attempt.
Once I found anti-depressants that worked, I was able to control my drinking to some extent.

For the last time I am gonna say that I am not justifying what I did.
What I am saying and is not being heard, "is that at the time i did not think the amount I had to drink, combined with eating would have put me in an intoxicated state, nor would it have put me over the limit of .10 to drive.
AT THE TIME being the key words here. If that makes me stupid, then I am stupid.
I am also being completely HONEST when I say that is the third time in 3 years that I had drank ANYTHING alcoholic.
And....thinking back...I should have been smarter, should have realized that my tolerance had decreased considerably from my 'heavy drinking time' which was before my 3 year old was born.

At this point I probably will not drink again unless I am out with my husband. Even then I may not. This whole episode has kinda made me lose my penchanct for alcohol.
I just wanted a break that night. I had done nothing for myself or by myself in months. My husband has been suffereing with chronic kidney stones and spends more nights than not up alone in out FROG, leaving me with the kids all day and night. Don't get me wrong, I adore them, bt I cannot even take a shower alone. One is ALWAYS by my side or in my arms.

Okay I am rambling. Look, the point is, I have said over and over again, I realize NOW that I was wrong. It was a bad move. I can;t do anything to undo it but be happy I did not hurt someone. That said, I was funsctioning, walking straignt, not slurring my words, etc. I wasn't falling down drunk and driving all over the road.

So quit telling me I am justifying anything. I DO take responisibility. I know I was wrong. Now I am just trying to move on and hoping to not spend time in jail. I could do the jail time, my kids w/o me would hurt them.

Also the reason I mentioined my kids not seeing me drink or drunk is becuase someone mentioned I was hurting my children.
3 or so years ago I would agree. Then I was drinking at least 12 at a time (not while driving), and then spending a day or so with a hangover.
That's not the case now.
Listen...the fact is that I have an addiction, I have depression, I am sick and I am in treatment and getting help the best way that I know how.

I see all these posts on here from people ticked off because their refills are a day late. That's why you get 30 day suppiles. I see posts from people getting thier meds from 3 or 4 different pharmacies. Yawk and Trampy can judge me if you want,I do respect you two among a few others, those people that are constantly posting on waiting for fed ex nd UPS cannot. They have problems too. And at least ONE of these people had the nerve to respond here when in December alone you can go back an read her posts and put together that she got at LEAST 3 scripts of hydro from 3 different places.
At that number of pills, if you are driving, you are endangering lives as well.

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~I'll quit procrastinating tomorrow~
;P~
~Yeppers~