flea
Enthusiast
Reged: 05/17/02
Posts: 272
Loc: Recently moved to Mid-West, bu...
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Chevygal,
Thanks for the message. And while I am not too religious I have been rethinking whether or not I should be. Not to get into any kind of philosophical discussion here but at this point I am willing to rethink anything in my life right now that may have some positive affects on my daily pain.
So thanks for thinking of me today, I really appreciate it. I also will say a prayer for you and for your father as I can only imagine how difficult it must be to have to deal with your fathers illness while you yourself are dealing with pain. I am not sure I could do it right now but then again in times of crisis I think we can surprise ourselves with the amount of resilience we actually have.
So once again, thanks for the kind words and I hope you have a peaceful weekend.
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Flea
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mello
Old Hand
Reged: 11/02/02
Posts: 475
Loc: USA
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I also don't want to get too philisophical or religious (some people get very offended by these discussions for some crazy reason...if you don't agree, just stop reading because I'm about to say something about MY personal religious beliefs...) Flea...I myself was not very religious growing up. I believed in God and all that, but I have never truely believed in conventional religion because all I saw of it growing up was hypocritical. But now, with my child, we have started going to a nondenominational church and I have an entirely new outlook on life. I have studied Buddhism for several years, but as I stated in a previous post it is NOT a religion. Bhudda was a man who was not meant and did not desire to be worshipped. He simply tried to find a simple, peaceful, happy way of living and teach it to the people so we could be truely happy and not WANT so much all the time as we all have a tendency to do...it's human nature. But anyway, I will say a prayer for you as well and I just wanted to throw that in because it sounds to me like if you've ever thought about researching religion a little...now would be the time to do it. I did it during a very bad time in my life...and it made things much easier for me. When I was in the hospital recently the preacher made a special trip to see me and see if he could bring any food to my house and said his wife would love to watch my son if needed if we needed some rest after my release. I was amazed...We haven't even been baptised yet (our next step) so we are not "officially" members, but they have accepted us already as we are. That's another important factor...find a church where you feel accepted and wanted. I have never felt more accepted and appreciated and truely missed if I am not there than I do at our church. Sorry to get so in depth...I know this is totally boring many of you...but I just know from personal experience how that feeling acceptance and worshiping together can really make some horrible times a little more barable. I hope things get better for you...and as I said before, I will also be praying for you. Mel.
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flea
Enthusiast
Reged: 05/17/02
Posts: 272
Loc: Recently moved to Mid-West, bu...
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Mello,
It was very nice hearing about your current religious ties, I am always interested in learning about different religions in general and how powerful they can be for someone that is in need of guidance. In college I studied several different religions as well as atheism and I must say every aspect of my studies were fascinating. I was a political science major but I tried to diversify my studies by taking classes that were out of my "comfort zone".
As I said before I do not want to get into a philosophical debate with anyone on this board as I have grown to appreciate each and everyone here, no matter what their personal religious preferences may be.
I know that in my previous post I mentioned that because of the daily pain and anxiety I have encountered since my back surgery I thought that this might be the time to look at religion as a possible outpost for my constant fears. But I think I may have gotten one step ahead of myself there. I in no way meant to say that I do not already have a higher faith in my life, or that I was really interested in getting deeply involved with one religion as my total belief system, because that is not really what I am needing at this time. I am already confident with who I am and my belief system but it sometimes helps when I can look even deeper into my beliefs and open myself up to learning about other religions as a way to understand where some of the people I have been dealing with get there morals and beliefs.
I had hoped that by looking past my "comfort zone" I would be able to understand a lot more about the person sitting across from me, or in my case, the doctor preaching at me. Unfortunately I do not feel that this has even been too helpful at this time.
I am sure I am babbling here and that no one has a clue what I am talking about here. I do not even want to proof read this because I know I will delete all of this nonsense when in reality I am happy I have babbled on about this because I for one opened this line of communication and I now want to be sure that I close it as I do not want this to turn into a whole religious debate that will not only make me feel uncomfortable, but that could actually alienate me from the others on this board that do not think and or feel the same way about what religion I have chosen or not chosen to follow.
So please forgive me for even going on here, I just wanted to make sure that I did not offend anyone here and I wanted to be clear that I would never, ever try to tell someone that the religion that believe in with every inch of soul is someway not a "real" religion.
To take it one step even farther, I do not think that anyone has the right to denounce someone's religion as not being "correct", even if that person was an atheist. I have a couple of friends that are in the science field that are atheists because they feel that science and mathematics are all the answers we need to the question of religion and beliefs.
So I apologize for even bringing this up, but I thank those of you that PM'd me with their take on what religion would be good for me to look into now that I am in need of some religious structure, but to be brutally honest here, please don't send me anymore messages about this. I appreciate those of you that wanted to share with me what religion they hold close to their hearts and why I should maybe try going to church this Sunday (at a church that represents their religion) but I must say that I am really O.K. and do not wish to get involved with anything new right now. Plus, I am Christian and I really do not need anymore people sending me messages trying to be a little preachy.
I think that sometimes people should really think a little more when sending a private message to someone. It is amazing sometimes how different things can be interpreted different ways and that without meaning to do so, feelings can get hurt. I am not giving any names here, but to the person who went on a bit of a tirade in my message box, I just wanted to let you know that my husband is Jewish and therefore I just want to say that I was personally insulted with your message.
For all others, thank you for taking the time to respond to me and thank you for helping me through the last several months in my life as they have been some of the most difficult I have ever had. I hope that the next few months will improve but if they do not I do feel relieved that I am able to come here and know that I have the support from so many wonderful people.
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Flea
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Sky_Queen
Fly Girl
Reged: 12/03/02
Posts: 1955
Loc: Texas
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Well, to get this thread back on topic  I have posted on this thread a couple of times that there was NO way I could tell my husband...well, today he brought in the mail and my package from Biotran was there  He asks me what is this?? So, I give him the big fish look, and I really hate to lie, I'm a terrible liar, so I told him I ordered some painkillers legally to have on hand. He got fairly pissed for about 10 minutes, read me the riot act and ended up saying "just make sure you got what you paid for." So, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I feel so much better now that he knows! Of course, I don't think I'll volunteer that I've been ordering hydrocodone from from eRX since December, but at least I'm not totally keeping it form him now. So, there's my story.
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flea
Enthusiast
Reged: 05/17/02
Posts: 272
Loc: Recently moved to Mid-West, bu...
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Legitimate,
Thanks for getting things back on track. No seriously, I feel sorta lame that not only did I go off on my own little private tangent but I proceeded to it in a way that normally irritates me when I see it done on other posts....in an area that was obviously not the correct place.
Ooops, once again it may be that I am actually a bit of a hypocrite. Yuck. Sorry, really, won't happen again, (hopefully). I think we all have a moment or two on this board when we have a slight brain fart and not only can we forget what our point was, but we forget all together what we were typing about at such a feverishly rate. Or at least that could just be me, who knows? Either way, I am sorry!
Now back to your post. I am so happy that your husband was so understanding about your meds showing up. Well not really that he was so understanding, in that he did not go out and get you the obligatory "honey congrats on your successful online order" balloons that I received after I told my husband for the first time. HA HA - - I am SO just kidding. In all honesty not only did I not receive balloons, I received an hour long lecture on how dangerous this could be, not to mention "gosh darn expensive honey, especially since you know that if we used our insurance we would not have to pay for one cent of the prescription since our co-pay is $0.00".
Oops, there was that tangent again, anyway, he did seem to be very understanding and worried that you were actually getting everything that you paid for, I think you meant like quality and quantity, right? That was really cool. I know that my husband was so mad about my using an OP that he seriously tried to hide my credit cards. Oh my goodness, that did not sit well with me. Um hello, do you think I am 12 or what? I was very mad, so from there on I just kept everything to myself and made sure I got a credit card that he knew nothing about, and I would have the statements mailed to my work. Seemed to work much better, because I would also just have either UPS or FedEx hold the package at their hub so he would not see it if they came to the house to drop it off. Especially since he works out of the house and is always here. Which of course does mean that he is able to buy ANYTHING he wants online and I am none the wiser. He is a bit of a shopaholic himself. Seriously, I have never met another guy in my life that likes to shop more than him, well except for the many gay guy friends that I have. (Not to sound stereotypical or anything, but I have gone on many a shopping sprees with some of those friends.
I do not know what was more difficult for me, trying to find a respectable OP or trying to conceal the whole process from my husband. In all honesty, I think the whole "hiding it from my husband" was harder.
Well what I was trying to say here was that it did seem like your husband was very understanding of your pain med needs. Granted you said he does not know how long you have been getting them, but he could have really freaked out, like my husband did, just by finding one online order showing up at the front door and he didn't!!
It really does sound like he would be pretty understanding even if he did know how much you were forced to spend on these meds and for how long you have had to find them online. I am pretty sure that no matter how angry our spouses may come across the first time they find out about our getting meds online they would have to understand why we made the decision in the first place. Usually they have either been with us during a doctors appointment when we were either told that we should try taking Motrin for that brain cancer (O.K. a bit of an exaggeration there, but you get my point) or they finally realize that we are not getting the kind of help that we need to relieve our constant pain so therefore we have been forced to find relief in any way possible. Basically that we had no other options. Or at least I would like to think that they would finally "get it" after watching everything that we have been put through, but who really knows?
So once again, right on that you were able to be honest with your husband, that is awesome!!
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Flea
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chevygal
Veteran
Reged: 04/28/03
Posts: 504
Loc: Way down south
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Legitimate
I posted and told you that my husband does not know and also said he sounded like your husband. Well we got into a conversation last night about being online and what you can do online, My husband doesn't even know how to turn on the computer. HE is an old farmboy and hates all these modern day thinky's. ANyway, I kind of hinted that I am tired of dealing with my doctors and suffering and if need be I can get what I need on line, He seemed interested and kind of open to the fact that maybe I could make use of this online "thingy" I did't come right out and tell him, but I will eventually say something abaout possibly ordering and see how he handles it. I do think I broke the ice just a little. I am glad to hear things went okay with your husband. It does take a load off. My kids have been here when my package has arrived and I know my daughter worries about me, but she doesn't ask much. I usually have to tell them just don't mention this to your dad. I it inevitable that he will at some point be home when ups come to the house and I really want to let him know before hand. I am getting there.
chevygal
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mello
Old Hand
Reged: 11/02/02
Posts: 475
Loc: USA
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That "thingy" thing cracks me up! My husband used to be JUST like that (he's 35 and even went to college, but somehow avoided the whole computer era??)...then I tought him a little about the computer. Now he's interested in it "sometimes" but he knows all about the meds and even had a consult himself to have meds on hand when needed (he has a horrible knee, that needs surgery but it only acts up on occasion...getting more frequent, but of course he's putting off the surgery as long as he can) but he was a little weary of it at first, but I did like you and gradually worked into it and now he's totally okay with it. Good luck to all of you...and I too am sorry for my religious tirade...I obviously offended "some" but oh well...not the first time and probably not the last . Good luck to you Kath and Chevygal in getting your husbands involved so you don't have to continue hiding. That's so nerve racking...probably makes you need the meds even more !
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Sky_Queen
Fly Girl
Reged: 12/03/02
Posts: 1955
Loc: Texas
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I was never offended by any of your posts at all, I was just kinda excited about my "revelation." LOL
Mello, I think your post was very interesting and something I didn't really know anything about so it was interesting to me!
Chevygal, sounds like you have broken the ice and if he's like my guy, that will definitely help. Kind of warm him up to the idea  They always say honesty is the best policy but with our types of men that doesn't always work as planned. The thing with my hubby is, he doesn't think popping hydro in lieu of getting a diagnosis and getting fixed is the way to go, but it just doesn't always work that way.
Have a great Sunday folks!
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chevygal
Veteran
Reged: 04/28/03
Posts: 504
Loc: Way down south
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Ya know that is what I said in one of my other post, that my husband doesn't understand how come "they" just can't fix me. Like you said and I am sure everyone here knows it just don't work like that. And even if it did I would have to have a second morgage to afford to go to the 15 different specialist they want to. A couple of the one I have been to just poo-poo me and tell me to take advil and excercise, good greif I do enough of that as it is just maintaining house and home and the kids ect.
Honesty is probably the best policy, but in my case and this is kind of a laughing matter cause this man I am married to has no idea what gets paid and how much. There have been times when he has been home alone and I have told the dear man when he answers the phone to just say " the check is in the mail" LOL. If he only knew! I don't mean this in a bad way I just have to juggle things sometimes and if he knew how I worked things he would have a heart attack. He is the brawn and I am the brains(I think):)
chevygal
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ro_jo
Newbie
Reged: 09/23/02
Posts: 30
Loc: NC
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WOW! Our husbands must be long lost twins! Your situation sounds exactly like mine. My husband doesn't know anything about our bills. He still thinks we pay off the credit card every month. Yeah, right! LOL! He never even sees it, good thing too, with the consults and pharmacy charges, I'm sure he wouldn't be pleased!
And I'm also slowly warming him up to the whole online medication thing. I told him the other day that I had ordered some Xenical online, and he was perplexed as to how I got it without a RX, I told him it was easy and that I was thinking of getting some more meds. He just said "ok,whatever" and went back to what he was doing. I was shocked that he didn't protest at all! So, maybe we're on the right track now.
Hopefully!
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Soliver
Member
Reged: 01/14/03
Posts: 106
Loc: SouthEast US
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I'm pretty lucky. My wife and I agree that life is too short to go through it unhappy and in pain, for whatever reason. We don't have med insurance, so op's are our only option, financially.
I share op's with very close friends in need, but no one else, especially family, who would nail me as a freak addict the moment they found out.
Such is life. I'm happy, they ain't. Go figure.
Sol
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mello
Old Hand
Reged: 11/02/02
Posts: 475
Loc: USA
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Thanks Kath...I didn't think I would offend you. You are very laid back and easy going so I wasn't worried. Now don't get me wrong...you seem like you could be a "firecracker" (don't you love my southern reference?! - Oklahoma (and I think even TX) men like to call all feisty women "firecrackers" for some reason...) if pushed in the wrong direction, but I think it would take more than some religious references. Thanks for telling me it interested you...like to know I can be of interest sometimes!lol
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Sky_Queen
Fly Girl
Reged: 12/03/02
Posts: 1955
Loc: Texas
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I find many of your posts interesting Mello! Does sound like you're feeling some better these days. Who me??? A firecracker?? Never! LOL Seems the older I get though the more laid back I get
Chevygal, that's funny! I'm always so anxious to be the one to balance our check book and bring in the mail, he would have a fit and say "what is this charge to TQM for $180???" I guess what they don't know won't hurt them
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TLT
Board Addict
Reged: 10/21/02
Posts: 358
Loc: loc. usa
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LOL kathy,, That was so cool, that your husband said that.
I was online the other night and my husband walks in the office, and the first thing he says is: "What is drugbuyers??" I told him that I only come here for support from other chronic pain sufferers.
I really didn't lie to him, because I don't use Op's or IOp's. I did about 9 months ago while in between dr's.
He knows that I have signed an agreement with my PM Dr, and if I breech the contract, he will refuse me any medical treatment.
He still wasn't convinced with my answer, and now he thinks I am looking for other sources to obtain pain meds.
Terri
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"RUDENESS IS THE WEAK MANS IMITATION OF STRENGTH"
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lala
Member
Reged: 06/21/03
Posts: 140
Loc: michigan
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chevygal i really feel you.my husband is totally clueless when it comes to our bills;he's the kind of guy that feel everything should be cured by exercising.no joke,he'll say to me"just go run a mile;you'll feel better".so unless i'm in excruciating pain i don't bother to tell him anything about my pain.we do have a good relationship for the most part.i just don't see any reason to let the cat out of the bag.however,if he asked me;i couldn't lie to him.i'm a horrible liar.he knows my medical condition and that it gives me problems quite abit but that's the extent of it.i've found this forum to be a special blessing to me.i too am a believer.G-D heals,dr.s treat.
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sunbaby6
Newbie
Reged: 06/29/03
Posts: 29
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I have found this thread to be really interesting! I have a totally different type of situation, but still kind of, (I guess, shocking, would be the word), to me.
When I was with my 8yr old son's dad, he hated meds and the idea of me taking them, because he also felt I could just be "fixed"....
Now that we are not together, he is the most supportive man I have ever known! All this, "Can I help you?", Have you ordered?", "Do you need money?", "Should I add you to my CC"?, on and on...NOW he is soooo concerened!! LOL!!!
I would never take advantage of his offers for help, because he is a wonderful man..But bottom line, he never understood or cared when we were together, and now he's at my house, checking all the time to make sure I have what I need!!
Men..go figure..hehehehe!!! One of my friends 'suggested' that he may be looking for a way 'back in'. That really did give me something to think about. Someone doesn't just change their whole way of thinking about meds in a year...Or do they????
Well, I have already told him, "The door is closed and no re-entry is allowed". LOL!!!  but I was very nice, after all he is my son's dad~~~ ( AND extremly great looking..lol) hmmmm..maybe I should think this over.....
Just my 2 cents!
~~sunbaby6~~
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charismah
material girl
Reged: 09/02/02
Posts: 802
Loc: USA
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It is true that honesty is the best policy. But my husband just does not like me using ops. He is pretty much worried about it being legal, and I know he has my best interest at heart. He knows I do it but really reads me the riot act when the Fedex man comes by. Yesterday he was home, and everytime I heard the bell ring, I would dash to the door. I almost knocked him down when I heard the truck and intercepted the package. He just gave me one of those looks  and did not say anything thank goodness. He does not know about DB, that would send him through the roof. I guess I could do as Mello suggested and say it is a support group.
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Pickledoo
Board Addict
Reged: 09/20/02
Posts: 379
Loc: New England
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My personal policy? Don't ask, don't tell. My Hubby notices packages arriving pretty regularly but never asks. I have family and friends all over the place so he only asks vague questions.
Guess I got him trained pretty well! 
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Sky_Queen
Fly Girl
Reged: 12/03/02
Posts: 1955
Loc: Texas
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LOL Cindy, same thing happened to me the other day. When I heard that UPS guy coming down our dirt road, I darted for the door and my hubby's head was spinning. Now, he took it well when my first order from Biotran came in the mail....but when the second half of the order showed up (I'm sure he thought I had ordered a thousand pills or something) he started giving me heck, asking what was I going to do when the DEA showed up? yada yada yada. He's so darn paranoid. I've got to be more careful in the future and just order when he's not home, make it easy on myself.
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Jordan530
WonderWoman
Reged: 11/20/02
Posts: 597
Loc: The Left Coast of Florida
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After reading what you all go through, now I think I'm glad that my SO works very long hours.
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'A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand'
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chevygal
Veteran
Reged: 04/28/03
Posts: 504
Loc: Way down south
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Mine too Jordan. He leaves at 5 am and usually gets home around 7 pm. Long day, I feel bad for the bugger sometimes but geez i would be a wreck if he were around all the time. It is like when the phone rings and he IS home and I have to leave I always tell him if he answers the phone to say "The check is in the mail" I don't care who is on the other end just repeat these words. I actually think he is kind of afraid to answer the phone sometimes. LOL
chevygal
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charismah
material girl
Reged: 09/02/02
Posts: 802
Loc: USA
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My hubby also works long hours. He just happened to be off yesterday. They switched his off day at the last minute lucky me. It was sort of funny that I almost tackled him to get to the door first.
Legitimate that is the only concern my husband has is the legal aspects of it. He is also afraid of DEA busting in our door and that is pretty much what I get the riot act about.
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Eeyore27
Board Addict
Reged: 07/05/04
Posts: 362
Loc: Where Misery loves Company U...
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Quote:
I've been interested in knowing something from others on the board who buy from online pharmacies.
Do you tell your spouse/significant other about your purchases? Do you tell your family and friends?
No one has any idea that I use OP's.
Good question, surprised no one's asked before! When I first started using IOP's, I kept it a secret for as long as I could. I was sharing an apartment with a roomie who didn't even like the fact that I had a prescription for Xanax from my doctor.
I don't know what her beef about that was, but I do remember leaving a couple "Aleve" sitting on my desk and she freaked out on me thinking they were Xanax, and she was fully aware of the fact that I have anxiety disorder. My beef was that I felt like she was invading my privacy by going into my room in the first place, and then to flip out about an OTC drug that she thought was prescription Xanax was the icing on the cake.
I got cut off the Xanax by my doc shortly after that and was switched to an AD, so that's when I discovered IOP's and this is back when they were actually dirt cheap compared to US pharmaceuticals. I placed a couple of orders, and she didn't say anything at first, but then after about the 3rd time, she started grilling me about why I was getting mail from Overseas, and get this, she actually threw one in the trash thinking it was Anthrax from a terrorist group because she had just gotten an email about people receiving packages in the mail laced with it.
I moved back home with my parents not too long after that because I found out my mom was sick and I figured I'd save some money on rent and help her out. She knows that I order from US OP's and has no problem with it, other than the fact that they're for anxiety disorder, which she "doesn't believe in", but after explaining to her for the umpteenth time that it's not illegal as long as you have records (which is another thing she doesn't agree with, she thinks going on record with any kind of psychological disorder will be on file with the government and will come back to haunt me).
We but heads about it all the time, but my stepfather, who is permanently disabled, has been receiving medication in the mail for years and she doesn't seem to have a problem with that at all.
If I make the occasional order with an IOP for a backup supply, she's all nosey about why I'm getting international mail, I just humor her and tell her that friends of mine are visiting there or use some other excuse, but I have a feeling that she knows what I'm up to and just likes to bust my stones about it. My boyfriend knows and he doesn't mind the US OP's, but is always cracking jokes about IOP's being a secret operation run by Al Qaida and just generally doesn't like the idea of me using them in general.
My take on it is that if you're in a situation where you don't have medical insurance or a compassionate doctor who isn't afraid to prescribe benzo's or opiates, that leaves us little options to go with, and as long as OP's remain legal, I'll keep using them. I'm a grown woman and can make decisions for myself, and the only way to keep my disorder under control is to take my meds responsibly. Otherwise, I'm unable to function with all the irrational fears and panic attacks, agoraphobia...etc. I don't care who knows, to be honest, because if it helps me keep my sanity, then it's rightfully justified IMO.
~Eeyore
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"How does it feel to be locked inside another dream that never had a chance of being realized?" ~ Slipknot
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stevesmith
Reged: 10/01/04
Posts: 431
Loc: Southern
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I DONT tell ANYONE. my parents and brother know. that's all.
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PPL don't argue over ideas or possible solutions, but instead argue to assert their egos and release frustration. Once U realize this, U will neither argue nor take arguments seriously
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Opie_Yates
Old Hand
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 419
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Since I found an in town doctor to prescribe pain meds and Soma, my wife now knows. I didn't tell her when I was using online medicine, but she started wondering when I stopped complaining about my back. I figured the in town doc legitimized it enough, so now she knows I'm taking hydro and Soma regularly. It feels much better that way, and she is much more accepting of it now that I am self employed and she knows I have to keep chugging along all day, every day, 12-16 hours a day.
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Better living through the pharmaceutical sciences.
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