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Lisa1967
Member
Reged: 10/29/02
Posts: 123
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Hi all,
I wanted to start this thread specifically for those of us who are in chronic pain,and have small children.I'm hoping to find,and give support to those women who have little ones,and are in chronic pain.
A little about me-I'm 36,and have 2 little ones,3&4yrs old.I have really bad degenerative joint disease in my whole body,due to meningitis& gangrene as a baby.It wasn't nearly as bad until I got pregnant with my kids-I gained 60lbs w/each(I'm only 5ft& 112lbs now),and they were/are both very big.It took me 7 long years to even get pregnant,so I know how blessed I am to even have my babies.But carrying one baby around while pg w/another really took it's toll on my body.Then,after she was born,I had a big baby,and a 30lbs 14mo to carry as well.I feel the need to note I went off all pain meds while pg with both,and the pain was unimaginable!
Some days,it's all I can do to care for my kids,feed them,bathe them,entertain them,etc.let alone clean my house,do laundry,shopping,cook,etc. It's so depressing to know I have so much work to do,and excruciating at the end of each day.And this is WITH taking hydro10mgs& mscontin15mgs -I can't imagine how Iwould be able to do anything if it wasn't for this medication.And even then,1/2 the time I need to rest my body as soon as my dh gets home.This poor soul works all day,and comes home& helps out as much as he can,and do I feel SO guilty
And,to top this all off,I wish I could have another baby!  But that would mean going off my pain meds,and being basically bed-ridden for 9 months,which isnt fair to my kids or dh(who would like another 1 too,but is happy with the 2 we have,as am I).
I feel like I am the only mother of small kids in America w/chronic pain,and nobody to help.They don't send home attendants to 36 yr olds,to help them with their daily chores,and God knows we can't afford a housekeeper
So how do all you other Mommies do it? Or am I the only 30something mother in chronic pain????
Thanks to any& all who respond,
Lisa
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voyager
Old Hand
Reged: 04/17/03
Posts: 413
Loc: United States Virgin Islands
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Hey lisa,
Thanks for posting. Count your blessings that you have a wonderful, supportive husband. Many only wish they had such a simple, yet hard to find person.
There are many here that are supportive and I'm sure that there are even a few moms out there that are in your boat.
Even though I am not married (not even a woman), I have a tremendous amount of compassion and respect for those that are willing to sacrifice themselves for the good of their children. The world would be a much better place if there were more indivduals such as yourself around.
I hope you find peace in your heart knowing that there are many out there that love who you are and what you are doing.
Hang in there. 
Voyager
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PAIDFO
Member
Reged: 02/01/03
Posts: 148
Loc: southeast
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Well said Voyager!! I agree!! 
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"The difference between Ordinary and Extraordinary is the Little Extra"
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537
Threadhead
Reged: 12/08/01
Posts: 750
Loc: west coast CA
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I have three small children, ages 5, 3, and 1. I suffer from a bulging disc that must have started years ago while I was pregnant with my first. All three of my children were nearly ten pounds at birth and they were all spaced out by two years, so I was, and still am, constantly carrying them around. It is hard, so very hard some days. Not only do I have the bulging disc, but I also get migraines and have TMJ. The thing that really bothers me is that I find myself losing patience with my children a lot easier than I think I would if I weren't in so much pain. Right now, especially as I am weaning down from the hydro for a holiday. Anyway, this is a great thread you started. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Don't get me wrong, I have great support at home. My husband is a fantastic help, and my parents live right behind my house, so my mom is always their to help, when sh's not in pain. But it's comforting to see people in similar situations as me. I hope you have a painfree day!
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Lisa1967
Member
Reged: 10/29/02
Posts: 123
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Hi Legan,
I also have TMJ:( I just found this out because I went to the dr's with what I thought was a double ear infection.The dr said I grind my teeth so bad in my sleep,it's causing the TMJ.I'm glad you have some help from your mom& dh-Bless those in our lives who understand& are able to lend a helping hand Unfortunately for me,my mom died this past Feb very suddenly,and my MIL is 75,and right now,is staying with us,so that's one more person I need to care for.
I too find myself getting very irritable towards the end of the day,not so much to my kids,but towards my poor dh
Please,let's keep this discussion going-I know that I,for one,need to talk about this,and it seems only those who are in pain(or love someone who is) truly understand all the aspects of trying to live a full happy life,and raise happy& fullfilled children while suffering from insufferable pain
Hugs,
Lisa
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wartyq
Stranger
Reged: 10/06/03
Posts: 8
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When I saw your post, I gasped! Our stories are shockingly similar, and I, too, haven't yet seen this topic addressed in the forums. I am 33(just had a birthday!) with three small boys: 8 years, 3 years and 10 months. I'm also small like you(5'4 and 100lbs.) Being a small mother of toddlers is like being in a decathalon(RUN, JUMP,HURDLE!) under the best of circumstances, but when one is in constant physical pain it veers close to the impossible the majority of the time. Firstly, let go of the guilt as best you can. No matter what perfect picture you have in your head of the kind of mother you "should" be and what you "should" be able to do for them physically, your children only know what they've learned from you! You are their gold standard of what a mother should be, and as long as they are loved and secure they will florish!!! Qualities like empathy and self sufficiency will come to them much more naturally, and they will learn from watching you how to handle adversity with courage. Secondly, use your resources! If you can afford it at all maybe you can find a pre-school program they can attend together for a few hours each day. If you have a mother or friends who can help, assign them a set day each week to take the kids to McDonalds for lunch and to play in the playplace for an hour. That will get at least one meal out of the way and give you time to rest(a little!). If it's a set day each week you won't have stress of asking. Most of all don't forget about yourself...do things that make you happy(lying in bed because you can't move DOESN'T count). Spend time alone with your husband...I know from personal experience that this particular kind of guilt can eat you alive if you let it, so take deep breath and know you you are doing the BEST you can!!!!
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rowana
Journeyman
Reged: 07/03/03
Posts: 67
Loc: CA
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hi, i am there too. i have severe joint pain in my knees, combined with pain from a car accident where i hurt my back about 4 years ago. i am 32 yrs old and i have a 15 month old and it is so hard to keep up with her. my husband is very supportive, but i am not sure he understands how hard it is for me. the days i am home alone with her (i also work full time outside the home), its all i can do just to keep up and nothing gets done around the house. on my husbands days home with her, he manages to clean the house too (what a honey, huh?) but i kind of feel like he doesnt get why i cant clean too on my days off. it is difficult and i do wish i had help, and i only have ONE little one. my other is near 15 and while not physically demanding, the emotional stress certainly keeps my xanax prescription flowing.
sigh, so i hear you mamas...
take care...
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rowana
Journeyman
Reged: 07/03/03
Posts: 67
Loc: CA
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oh, and i want to add how i just love that my doc says i shouldnt be kneeling down or picking up my daughter. what else am i supposed to do??? she is certainly very high spirited. i guess i am lucky that my meds allow me to kneel without the shooting pains, even though i know just because i cant feel it, doesnt mean its not making it worse.
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rowana
Journeyman
Reged: 07/03/03
Posts: 67
Loc: CA
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sorry to dominate this thread, but i had another thought...
did any of you breastfeed while on the meds?
i had to stop xanax during pregnancy and early breastfeeding, but my doc said i would be able to continue the hydro with only 5 mgs every 6 hrs. while breastfeeding. During pregnancy i was allowed to take 5 mg only when desperate, and very seldom. not enough, but some relief. doc said very very little of opiates cross through in breastmilk. my daughter still breastfeeds but only 2 short times a day, so i was able to increase to no more than 15 mgs hydro a day and no more than 1 mg xanax.
just curious as to your experiences.
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Greycie
Old Hand
Reged: 07/08/03
Posts: 461
Loc: Pacific NorthWest
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32 w/ a 9 y/o at home. 2 bulged discs in my lower spine- sometimes, it kills me to sit/stand/ do anything at all. Cleaning house is often the last thing on my list- don't get me wrong, I love a clean house- but often times not at the expense the bending to do it causes me. How do I cope? I use to allow the pain to limit my life- my activities. I guess now, I look at what's truly important to me? I will not be a victim to my own pain- I will not allow it to prevent me from doing the things I love to do- i.e. volleyball- rollerskating with my daughter- swimming. Sure, it hurts like heck to do those things, but what sort of life am I living if I don't do something because it hurts? Not really a life at all. I also realized that when my daughter gets older, I want her memories of her and mommy to be that we did things- I went rollerskating with her- I took her on bike rides- I played cards with her every night. I'm a single mom, so I don't have the luxury of having somebody at home to help me. Though, now that my daughter is 9, she's more willing to help me with things that would require bending because she knows that I just can't do that like I use to. Still- I think unless you're willing to undergo surgery, you can't allow your pain to control your life- some day, you'll look back and regret it. I know somebody who has multiple herniated discs and has lost feeling in one of her arms and sometimes loses feeling in the other- imagine not being able to go anywhere because your arms don't work and you can't even get the door knob turned to get the door open? Or being unable to drive because you've lost the use of your arms and feeling in your feet. That's how I deal- I look at people like that and realize, while my pain is very real and severe more often than not- it could be much, much worse- therefore, I'm thankful for being able to do what I can- and if it hurts from time to time, I suck it up and keep trucking along because some day, that's what's going to make me smile
Sorry for the rant- but you asked, Lol. Good luck and do what you have to do to live your life
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"I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." - Voltaire
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Lisa1967
Member
Reged: 10/29/02
Posts: 123
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Surgery is not an option,as then I would have NO use of my arm(the other one is useless,I have no range of motion in it,and goes numb& the finger bones cross when I try to grab things with it-OWW).My back is not only arthritic,but I have scoliosis.I have no kneecap in one knee,and only 1 toe on 1 foot.I am defending myself in a post that I started to get(and give) support.Ugh-I have to explain to people every day why I can't do this or that,and I come here,seeking support& understanding,only to get what I hear on a regular basis from people who just dont get it
Thanks to those of you who DO understand,and,trust me,I can empathise with you as well!
Hugs,
Lisa
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537
Threadhead
Reged: 12/08/01
Posts: 750
Loc: west coast CA
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I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. I can't even imagine losing my mother. She's my best friend. You know, I really agree with the poster right below your post. It's a great idea to get the kids in a preschool program or go out with friends who have kids. I just put my three year old in preschool for three days a week. It was a godsend. He is definantly my most difficult child. I love him with all my heart and appreciate his imagination and "zest" for life, but he is very trying. I am beginning to wonder if he may have some form of ADD. I know it is still way too early to diagnose, but there are alot of symptoms he has that correlate with ADD. Anyway, putting him in preschool definantly helps my appreciation of him and gives me more time to relax, as much as I can with my year old daughter. She is a terror, but beautiful, smart, and full of life. I hate having to think that this part of my life is really about survival, but it is. But as stated before, loving your children and being as patient as possible with them will make them great human beings, and that's our job!! We will get through, and so will they!
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Lisa1967
Member
Reged: 10/29/02
Posts: 123
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Legan,
no,this wasn't about my kids-my kids are really NO bother to me at all.I LOVE spending time playing with my kids.I wish I could spend every day reading to them,playing with them,etc.Taking care of my kids is the easy part of my life! I am actually a very happy person,full of love& laughter:)The painful part is cleaning,shopping, laundry,lifting them in& out of the car for appts,etc.That's the main problem,and what prompted me posting in the 1st place.My son goes to pre-school,and has since last yr,but my dd stays home with me(the 3yr program hasnt opened yet)I have tried to hire my niece to clean for me,and she not only took total advantage,but stole from me to boot My sisterinlaw too 
My main goal is to give my kids everything I can,and as far as love& attention go,they get every ounce of energy I have.It's the rest that sux,and the pain just depletes all my energy,and pisses me off to no end I just wish I could do more "functional" things,like other moms do,more often.I mean,I take my kids out,but I always have to have someone with me to help me load them in& out of the car,load groceries,etc.I HATE not being able to just pack up& go,and run around like I see all the other moms doing,ya know?And knowing it's just getting worse the older I get-I just feel really bad for them& my dh.I was told this is a rapidly degenerating condtion,and if I'm in this much pain now-I don;t even want to know what my future holds!
Anyway,thanks for listening,and I hope you guys can relate to how I'm feeling
Lisa
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sheenafur
Enthusiast
Reged: 04/25/03
Posts: 225
Loc: California
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Hey Girlfriend,
I have kids, too, and severe peripheral neuropathy in both feet. I'm 39 and my kids are a little older, but I think the most important thing is that you're really honest with them. I know your kids are very young, but they will understand if you tell them what's going on. Tell them that you have a problem that makes you hurt all the time. Tell them you'll be okay, but sometimes you need to rest and take it easy. I was afraid my kids would think I was weak, or no fun, but they totally understood and they treated me accordingly. They understood that sometimes I can't do physical games, so we sit together and talk or read or watch a movie. As long as they know how much you love them (I tell them a million times a day), they're going to be fine. I wish you the very, very best. Don't be afraid to be honest with them.
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Go easy, step lightly, stay free--J. Strummer
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Purple
Enthusiast
Reged: 07/15/03
Posts: 233
Loc: Midwest
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Lisa,
I'm a year older than you and have 3 children, 10,7 & 5. I suffer from TMJ, Migraines & Back Pain. I honestly don't know how I am surviving! I was working full time up until a month ago but went part time because of the stress of the job which is a migraine trigger for me. I have been off work on medical leave since last Monday with a Migraine. I am on all kinds of meds and not getting any relief. I was on Stadol NS which is a narcotic nasal spray for migraines but I am out of that. I had previously been ordering from OP since July for pain relief. I decided enough was enough and went back to my PCP and asked to be referred to a Pain Clinic. Instead he sent me to the Neurologist who is currently treating me. The narcotics were the only thing that took the pain away but I decided that I wanted to get off them and get on something preventative. I am still holding out hope at this point that we find it!!
I hope you get this message and if you want to talk further, please PM me. Take care, I feel the same way as you. 
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kjb595
Newbie
Reged: 10/14/03
Posts: 37
Loc: Michigan
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Hi Lisa I am also a mother of a 8yr old daughter and a 2yr old son. I suffer from CDM(Chronic Daily Migraines) and I totally understand what you mean! I think to myself everytime I am stuck in bed because of a migraine that this is so unfair to my kids and my DH but without better pain control I have no choice! I am also on Norco 10/325 but I can't take them often enough to control the pain. So from one mom to another I totally understand and feel your pain!! Feel free to PM me if you would like to chat!!
Kelly
edit: forgot to add that I am only 26!!
Edited by kjb595 (11/05/03 08:14 AM)
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Pocahontas
Enthusiast
Reged: 01/28/03
Posts: 208
Loc: North
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I just wanted to bring this topic back to life again even if it is a year old. I know there are LOTS of MOMs that have pain (and other) issues like me. How do YOU manage your kids, life, work, husband/significant other with your medicines and/or addictions?
I just turned 35 and am the mom of 2 boys, ages 10-1/2 and nearly 5. I have chronic pain in my body (various areas) from a near-fatal car accident I was in (alone) two years ago. I am lucky to be alive but have residual pains...I feel like an elderly woman when I awake in the morning. Everything is stiff and sore...my spinal column hurts, my neck has lots of muscle spasms that come and go, almost entire left arm numbness from a brachial plexus nerve injury but mechanically I can make everyone around me think it's normal when its not (very weak, low muscle tone). Besides the car accident after effects, I do have periodic migraine headaches, anxiety-panic with some attacks. I have this weird hip pain that is excruciating but it comes and goes in an unknown pattern. Since the accident, I have had to take Ritalin for what is ADD-like symptoms from my closed head injury but the Ritalin does work wonders.
I KNOW that I am addicted to the pain med hydrocodone. That's the only med that works with my body chemistry well to relieve most of my pain. This addiction is physical dependence as well as psychologic addiction. When I do take hydro holidays, I do go through w/d and I am also searching my house for lost pills. I guess some days I don't think about the psychologic part and if I keep myself busy, I don't think about my meds as much when I am out. If I volunteer at my sons' schools or run errands with my mom, my mind is temporarily taken away from the drug I need/crave for these pains. However, I work at home and spend lots of time at home, and being home alone when the kids are at their schools, I find that I am seeking the side effects of my pain medicine other than pain relief.
So, how do you mom's here deal with all this? Since my tolerance for hydro is so high, I don't get much euphoria from it any longer but do get good pain relief, which is good but also bad because i think of getting that "happy" feeling again and the energy that goes with it, for me. When I feel good and happy, I get much more housework done than when I feel yucky or am consumed by thoughts of med refills.
How do you do it? What are your daily routines? Any advice welcome....here or PM.....
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~Princess Pocahontas
Aim for the moon, for if you miss you will always land amongst the stars ...
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bernie
Stranger
Reged: 04/11/02
Posts: 7
Loc: midwest
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Hi Pocahontas! I plan to write on this subject later (so tired right now! ) but just wanted you to know that I am in your same boat with meds and pain and kids and work! It is a tough situation - to be a mom without the pain medicine and deal with the pain each day is excrutiating for me so OP's have really helped me. My kids are 1 1/2 and 4 years old. Talk more later after sleep! Good subject to open up again! Maybe someone will have good coping techniques or ways to help the kids not to suffer if mom/dad is suffering!
I don't like my pain issues to be an issue for my kids; they are too young and shouldn't have to help mommy cope so I really try not to show it around them.
Lori
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GloryBug
Stranger
Reged: 08/30/04
Posts: 7
Loc: USA
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I came in on this topic late, but I think it's funny there are so many of us in somewhat the same age/ht/wt range. Maybe only some people mentioned it, but it struck me odd. I am 41, have 6yr and 4yr boys. Maybe being smallish (I'm 5'6, 117) makes it harder to haul the little (big) ones around. I can't pick mine up at all.... it's been a while since I even could. I think for me, the worst thing about being in pain is that it's distracting. I used to be so organized- had all xmas presents bought and wrapped by July. Last xmas I shopped the day before- for the first time in my life. It's hard to get things done like cleaning, shopping, laundry, cooking, bills, blah blah, because I get interrupted by the pain and just don't get things done in an orderly manner. I've always forgotten something or only half-done it and have to start over.
I have a husband, but no other family. I have noticed that being in pain seems to have isolated me from the 'other moms' that have kids. Which is too bad, because it would be nice to have some friends with kids to do things with as a group. And yes, it does make me sad sometimes seeing so many of them being 'super-mom' in the classroom and everywhere else, when sometimes I barely drag my Best if kept off the board around. I don't bother comparing myself with them because I can't be them. And I don't try to make myself feel better thinking someone else has it worse. Someday I'll have it worse. Those things are unimportant. Sometimes it isn't so much that my disabilities are hurting me, it's having pain that isn't being addressed that's hurting me. Sometimes you forget that it isn't really that you have problems, that the house isn't spotless and shirts are untucked blah blah, it's that if you weren't in pain those things wouldn't be so bothersome and overwhelming.
Just my viewpoint, of course.
c
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I never met a vegetable I didn't like.
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karib
Member
Reged: 01/26/04
Posts: 104
Loc: new england
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Hi I am older than you guys 48, but none the less i am raising my almost 2 year old grandson. I have two adult children that i had very young. Geezz seems like yesterday, anyone here remember the good old 70's? anyway, 1 kid is 29 the old 26, but things happend ya know never thought i would be in this prediciment, but what is a mom to do? I have terreble degerative disck disease, and i have to tell ya the headaches i get from the neck pain is so disabilitating! I cannot get out of bed and they been going on for about 4 years now! I can stand the neck pain but the headaches stop me in my tracks! and ya know i am older now but fit, and when my kids were babies i remember being 22 years old, sick flue, etc./../ but still getting out of bed and functioning , but these headaches i just can't . ! doctors helped for a while then they just sort of kept sending me from one to the other and i dont' have time for that! nothing they can do but surgery and i had appt with specialist i listened to the risks and the factors involved i diecided not for me! my choice , so i thought! my goverment doctors didn't think i had that choice so no more pain pills! I even had a rude OP doctor yell at me and tell me to go get the surgery! I jumped back at him, "I thought that is why i am calling you"! I made my own choice! geesh , if anone want to know who that op is pm me , anyway, i been helped with Ops for a long long time, thought i would switch for cost reasons and i felt like i was at my primary care doc office!!!! NO PAIN PILLS! BE A TROPPER MIND OVER MATTER
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PrivateRealm
Threadhead
Reged: 03/18/03
Posts: 879
Loc: usa
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Hi, I am a 28 year old single mother of 3 children, my youngest being 3. I am in school during the day and I work at night. SOme days I cannot get out of bed, and at times I fall asleep in the early evening doing homework and the kids have to wake me to remind me to make dinner. Some days I don't think I can cope, but I seem to make it to the next day.
I have been to many Dr's and through physical therapy, and no relief has been found. The hydro doesn't work anymore, as I cannot afford to up my dose, and I am maintaining on a low dosage everyday.
I have Migrains, chronic daily headaches, spinal problems, TMJ, etc.
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KeriAnne~~~
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take - but by the moments that take our breath away."
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want2bcalm
Member
Reged: 04/03/04
Posts: 120
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Wow. It isn't just mom's with small kids. I have one in college, a high schooler, and a 6th grader. Sometimes I feel so guilty because I am not functioning as I once did. Somedays it is so difficult and overwhelming just to get out of bed. I feel very bad because they deserve better. They are wonderful kids. I sometimes wonder how I did it in my 30's & early 40's. Somedays my pain & depression are so bad that I can't do the simplest things. I think a lot of us suffer that way. We can not compare ourselves to anyone else but just do the best we can and let our kids know that above all else, they are loved and valued.
My fantasy is to have a trustworthy (I've been ripped off before by cleaning people that I'd had for years)person that could come in every day & help me accomplish things. Not do all my work but just help. That would be the greatest luxury of all to me and would help my depression and even my pain. I think anxiety and depression make pain worse.
My last baby weighed 11 pounds at birth and I am 5'6" and weigh 130. Before he was walking I would literally have to roll out of bed my back hurt so badly.
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