quincy
Board Addict
Reged: 11/07/02
Posts: 333
Loc: pacific northwest
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Thanks Ragdoll and Folksong for the words of encouragement. I guess this is just another test of my strength, although I don't know why I have been having such a horrible year. One disaster after another.
I am scared though, since I have to go to court for a custody hearing with his father. Somehow the bastard knows all about my "drug problem", probably from my mother or grandmother. He wrote (or had his girlfriend write since he is illiterate) an eight page letter to the court citing numerous examples of what an unfit mother I am. I am an addict, I am a lazy mother because I put my son on Ritalin, the boy is not happy, I am promiscuous. And on and on...All this from a man who hasn't paid one dime in child support nor really cared to see his son. Now he has a new girlfriend with 3 kids of her own and they are going to have a new baby. They are welfare slackers who keep dropping out babies to get more money. If he gets custody, I will have to pay about 600$ a month in child support. No way am I going to let my son grow up in a household like that!! Ignorant, trashy people (even the kids are terrible). No this isn't jealousy talking either, because I threw him out. I am just mad that people threaten to take away my child in the same way they used to threaten to take away my TV when I was "bad". Don't they realize that I have feelings too? Also my son isn't stupid and kids know more things than their parents realize. This could be tramatic for him too. I don't know what Its like to grow up without a dad, and I feel real sorry for my son. He knows that his daddy dosen't really care about him. It breaks my heart to hear him say: "Why won't my daddy come and pick me up?" Well son, your father would rather party even though he hasn't seen you in a month.
I guess this is way off topic, but I just want to warn people about telling ANYONE about taking narcotics. Nowadays people act like prescription drugs are the same as taking hard drugs like heroin or coke. Mention Oxycontin and everyone assumes you bought it off the street to party with. They assume that you take it to get high, not for pain releif. I guess that goes to show you what hypocrites they are, since their only experience with opiates was to get high. At least my friends are that way. And methadone, forget it. Mention that, even at work (I work in healthcare) and people look at you funny. Methadone is strictly associated with heroin, not pain control. Even when I tell people that methadone is a great chronic pain drug and that you don't get a "high" from it, I still see them checking out my arms on the sly.
Sorry to have such a negative view about my fellow man right now, but I haven't had much love lately. I just wish people would get educated about narcotic use, especially my family. But I think that the "drugs" are a convenient excuse for them to talk about me. If I didn't take them, it would be something else. It is fibromyalgia that ruined my life, not the painkillers. I need them to function. I guess I could suffer, like my grandma says I should. "Whats wrong with being in pain? I've been in pain for 30 years. Tough it out!" as she shows me her arthritis gnarled hands...
I just don't see why I have to, I don't see what all the fuss is about. Its not hurting anybody, even me. My mother calling me an addict hurts the most, especially since she has been called one for years, by the family. She takes compounded straight hydrocodone pills, 90mgs at at time. And she sees and addiction specialist to get them. She of all people should know what its like. I try not to think of the fact that she is probably blaming me to get some of the heat deflected off of her.
Another thinI hate, and other people who suffer from fibromyalgia may agree, is that the symptoms we suffer from are blamed on the medications. You know; the fatigue, the memory loss and sleepiness. Well, I have seen that quite often too from people who still don't think FMS is a real disease.
OK- I have vented enough now. Sorry this is so long. I have nobody to talk to now that my man left me and my family won't speak to me. I hope things get better.
Sarah
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guitardude
Old Hand
Reged: 09/11/02
Posts: 421
Loc: midwest
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Well, I can understand not telling I guess if you sig. other doesn't get it. I guess I am just lucky, but like I said; my wife saw my pain before I found online P's along with seeing me go through 2 accidents in the course of 2 yrs. which messed up my allready road worn back, along with me crushing my left leg and breaking my ribs each time so I guess it kind of made her sympathetic to the situation. I definately agree that a person has every right to pain management and if you have to keep it secret, than I guess that's the only way to do it. As far as telling other people about your meds; I definately keep it a secret for two reasons: 1) already stated by Quincy and that is the way people who don't understand look at you (I've been through that enough to keep it quiet) and 2) if my friends knew most of them would be knocking on my door all the time asking for handouts!...... "hey man, my knee is acting up, ya got anything for it?" or "oh man, these bills are really getting me down, ya got something to help me relax a little?" or even "yo bro! whatcha got in the medicine cabinet today?, I feel like getting ripped!" the first one not being so bad..... if a friend is realy hurt and I can help, I will. But I look and work to hard and spend to much to open my cabinet to anyone just looking to get high.......when it comes to that, I guess I am pretty much a bogart.
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"once in a while you can get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right."
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lnd4508
Old Hand
Reged: 06/23/02
Posts: 454
Loc: USA
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This is an intetering tread you've started. I've often wondered about others myself. My husband knew and then I took a break, and now it's not really metioned. My U.S. deliveries come to the office because they have to be signed for and sometimes if I've ordered from one of my trusted IOPs and I know their packagaing I have my IOP stuff sent to me at the office as well. I just try to beat him to the mailbox at home. I think he would be okay with it though, as long as I don't over-do, if you know what I mean, and that I am managing my healthcare properly because as an alcoholic himself, our whole family knows what addiction can do.
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Purple
Enthusiast
Reged: 07/15/03
Posts: 233
Loc: Midwest
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When I first read this thread a few weeks ago I thought I had responded and see that it did not post. Anyway, I was agreement that my husband would not know. We've been together 20 years and he knows all the problems I have had in the past & present. My PCP was prescribing meds and then gave me the addiction speech and that was the end of the meds for a while and then he would go back & prescribe for a while and then stop again. I was NOT abusing them at all! This is why I did internet search and found this wonderful site! I ordered from an OP and when refill time came, cost came into consideration and I tried another OP.
Well, low and behold the cc bill came in and hubby ? the charges & I told him. He is understanding & I explained the fear that I had in telling him, reason being he is a cop and luckily for me he is not one of those jerk cops but I was still afraid of what he would think of me ordering thru an OP. He just wants me to watch the prices of the meds I need even though I work full time to support the family. I totally understand where he is coming from because going from a $9 co-pay w/insurance to $189 was a big shock to the wallet. 
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jadi
Old Hand
Reged: 11/02/02
Posts: 487
Loc: USA
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Quincy: "She takes compounded straight hydrocodone pills, 90mgs at at time. And she sees and addiction specialist to get them. She of all people should know what its like. I try not to think of the fact that she is probably blaming me to get some of the heat deflected off of her."
Quincy: I have been reading many of your recent posts in total dismay. First of all, it kills me to even HEAR about someone threatening to take your kids away from you. I have a 1 year old and I am now on total detox because I was getting those "strange" stares when I was on narcotics and my paranoia set in and made me believe that they were planning to take me child away...so I decided to live with the pain for awhile. Of course, I do NOT have anything as serious as your condition, but I do have chronic pain so it inhibits my life in many ways. But I am willing to live with it for now and everyone seems completely happy. I hurt, but actually I'm happy too. Secondly, I can totally relate to people trying to "deflect" their issues onto you...your horrible circumstance is that it is your OWN mother doing it! But I have been thinking of "deflection" lately and when I read your post, it hit a cord with me. My husband used to actually do it to me and it almost caused a divorce...but thankfully things have changed now. Deflection is very, very common...whether it be deflection from alchohol use, med use, etc...it's there and it's a frequent occurence. I'm very sorry to here all you are going for...all I can say is look at your children, find your strength in them, and just remember "this too shall pass". I know it sounds "cheesy", but it's so true! It WILL pass and you HAVE THE RIGHT to feel NORMAL some of the time. As long as it is not harming you children, it could POSSIBLY be helping them by bringing their mommy back to them, whithout all the pain. Sorry, I think I ranted too, but I want to say that I will be praying for you sweetie and I really feel that everything will be fine. Mel
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(alias: MELLO)
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Sky_Queen
Fly Girl
Reged: 12/03/02
Posts: 1985
Loc: Texas
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No way does my husband know, he would not understand. He did see a package come in from Biotran one time, he got mildly upset and said if the DEA comes looking for me.....well, you get the idea. Then when I had that awful triplicate billing with NWW he of course found out that our bank debit card had been charged 7 times by a company called NORCOWORLDWIDE so I told him I let my best friend use my card to order something on the Internet, I had no idea what it was. He's not stupid and I think deep down he knows and I'll never hear anything about it unless I get in trouble - then I'll be looking for a new place to live I just love threads like this! I do agree that honesty is the best policy, that is how I live my life but ya'll would have to meet my husband to understand (I think he's related to Chevygal's hubby) 
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chevygal
Veteran
Reged: 04/28/03
Posts: 504
Loc: Way down south
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Quote:
I do agree that honesty is the best policy, that is how I live my life but ya'll would have to meet my husband to understand (I think he's related to Chevygal's hubby)
legitimate
I beleive they must be related also, and I agree with ya too, honesty is the best policy, but I think in our case "what he don't know won't hurt him" is our best policy, don't ya think?  My husband has a wonderful saying, well actually the dear man is just full of wit sometimes, One of his favorites is "don't start no and there won't be no So I kind of live by his words of wisdom and just keep things to myself and I don't start no
chevygal
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Jordan530
WonderWoman
Reged: 11/20/02
Posts: 597
Loc: The Left Coast of Florida
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First of all, Quincy, I just wanted to send you another hug. What you have had to go through in your young life is just not right! I cannot imagine a mother treating a daughter as your's has treated you. As a mother of a grown son and daughter myself, all I can think is that if either one of them were in chronic pain (and I do believe my daughter may have fibro like me) I would do ANYTHING to prevent that and I don't care what it took! Quincy, I really do think she is just placing her own guilt on you. Afterall, it's so much easier to call someone else an addict rather than face the truth herself. My advise to you is, continue to love her as she is your mother but only talk to her about the unimportant things in your life. It's possible maybe she'll catch on someday (but don't count on it) Live your life for yourself and your child and by all means get that two timing idiot out of your life. I've followed your posts for so long and was thinking about you just the other day, and even though I don't know you, I do know that you deserve better!
As for the topic, my SO knows.. he's not crazy about the idea, but he's pretty supportive most of the time. When he's been in a good mood, he even paid for a refill or two for me. He's french canadian though and constantly says that we Americans take pills for everything. I won't mention that he drinks a beer or two or three for everything. LOL
Btw, I think someone else mentioned that there is another thread on this subject titled "who do you tell" It was a really interesting thread.
Also while typing a novella here, I wanted to ask for a little support also. Along with my knee probs and fibro, in the past two weeks after and MRI I just found out that I also have degenerative disk disease, scoliosis and extensive arthritis in my hip. So any good vibes will be so appreciated!
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'A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand'
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lnd4508
Old Hand
Reged: 06/23/02
Posts: 454
Loc: USA
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Quote:
This is an intetering tread you've started. I've often wondered about others myself. My husband knew and then I took a break, and now it's not really metioned. My U.S. deliveries come to the office because they have to be signed for and sometimes if I've ordered from one of my trusted IOPs and I know their packagaing I have my IOP stuff sent to me at the office as well. I just try to beat him to the mailbox at home. I think he would be okay with it though, as long as I don't over-do, if you know what I mean, and that I am managing my healthcare properly because as an alcoholic himself, our whole family knows what addiction can do.
I've thought about my reply and after reading chevygal's response, my husband says the SAME thing, don't start none; won't be none. He probably would go ballistic 1) because I whine about the money he spends on alcohol and 2) we had the discusson before my last break about IOPs in paticular. So I guess it's really the foreign deliveries that is the issue. He just is sure the MIB is going to come and take both of us and our son off to God knows where. That's another reason I use my office address. But I won't live with pain and stress if I don't have to and this way I don't. So I guess we have a military policy, don't ask; don't tell.
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Sky_Queen
Fly Girl
Reged: 12/03/02
Posts: 1985
Loc: Texas
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LOL Chevygal!!! OK, I know now they are for sure related. My hubby's favorite saying is "F*&K with a bull, get a horn in the a$$." Now tell me those boys aren't twins or something......
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Sky_Queen
Fly Girl
Reged: 12/03/02
Posts: 1985
Loc: Texas
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Jordan, I was just thinking about you the other day and that I hadn't seen you post for a while. I'm so sorry to hear of your recent MRI findings. Maybe it's time for you to find a good pain management doctor to help. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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336233562
Stranger
Reged: 07/16/03
Posts: 4
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Hi My Friend: I too know what you are going thru with the chronic pain. Only here in Canada , demerol is a controlled drug and my doctor will only give me 20 ml in a multiple-dose vial every thirty days of demerol for the pain. I have tried every site online and I can't find anywhere that 1st ,that i can afford and secondly that will ship it to Canada. You see I too have fibromyalgia plus many other medical problems.  
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quincy
Board Addict
Reged: 11/07/02
Posts: 333
Loc: pacific northwest
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Hey Stranger;
I know you can't get demerol from any Op that I know of. Especially injectables, and its a schedule II. Be careful, if you do find a source-its probably illegal.
Quincy
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