Thanks Ragdoll and Folksong for the words of encouragement. I guess this is just another test of my strength, although I don't know why I have been having such a horrible year. One disaster after another.

I am scared though, since I have to go to court for a custody hearing with his father. Somehow the bastard knows all about my "drug problem", probably from my mother or grandmother. He wrote (or had his girlfriend write since he is illiterate) an eight page letter to the court citing numerous examples of what an unfit mother I am. I am an addict, I am a lazy mother because I put my son on Ritalin, the boy is not happy, I am promiscuous. And on and on...All this from a man who hasn't paid one dime in child support nor really cared to see his son. Now he has a new girlfriend with 3 kids of her own and they are going to have a new baby. They are welfare slackers who keep dropping out babies to get more money. If he gets custody, I will have to pay about 600$ a month in child support. No way am I going to let my son grow up in a household like that!! Ignorant, trashy people (even the kids are terrible). No this isn't jealousy talking either, because I threw him out. I am just mad that people threaten to take away my child in the same way they used to threaten to take away my TV when I was "bad". Don't they realize that I have feelings too? Also my son isn't stupid and kids know more things than their parents realize. This could be tramatic for him too. I don't know what Its like to grow up without a dad, and I feel real sorry for my son. He knows that his daddy dosen't really care about him. It breaks my heart to hear him say: "Why won't my daddy come and pick me up?" Well son, your father would rather party even though he hasn't seen you in a month.

I guess this is way off topic, but I just want to warn people about telling ANYONE about taking narcotics. Nowadays people act like prescription drugs are the same as taking hard drugs like heroin or coke. Mention Oxycontin and everyone assumes you bought it off the street to party with. They assume that you take it to get high, not for pain releif. I guess that goes to show you what hypocrites they are, since their only experience with opiates was to get high. At least my friends are that way. And methadone, forget it. Mention that, even at work (I work in healthcare) and people look at you funny. Methadone is strictly associated with heroin, not pain control. Even when I tell people that methadone is a great chronic pain drug and that you don't get a "high" from it, I still see them checking out my arms on the sly.

Sorry to have such a negative view about my fellow man right now, but I haven't had much love lately. I just wish people would get educated about narcotic use, especially my family. But I think that the "drugs" are a convenient excuse for them to talk about me. If I didn't take them, it would be something else. It is fibromyalgia that ruined my life, not the painkillers. I need them to function. I guess I could suffer, like my grandma says I should. "Whats wrong with being in pain? I've been in pain for 30 years. Tough it out!" as she shows me her arthritis gnarled hands...
I just don't see why I have to, I don't see what all the fuss is about. Its not hurting anybody, even me. My mother calling me an addict hurts the most, especially since she has been called one for years, by the family. She takes compounded straight hydrocodone pills, 90mgs at at time. And she sees and addiction specialist to get them. She of all people should know what its like. I try not to think of the fact that she is probably blaming me to get some of the heat deflected off of her.

Another thinI hate, and other people who suffer from fibromyalgia may agree, is that the symptoms we suffer from are blamed on the medications. You know; the fatigue, the memory loss and sleepiness. Well, I have seen that quite often too from people who still don't think FMS is a real disease.

OK- I have vented enough now. Sorry this is so long. I have nobody to talk to now that my man left me and my family won't speak to me. I hope things get better.

Sarah