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A couple of months ago I had a rubber stamp made that says:
THIS ENVELOPE CONTAINS NONE OF THE FOLLOWING:
Heroin
Cocaine
MDMA
Cannabis Products
Methamphetamine
LSD
Therefore you do not have to open and search it and can, instead, concentrate on seizing ACTUAL threatening substances. Thank you.
It's about two inches by one inch and I stamp it on the front and back of EVERYTHING I send in the mail except for bills (don't want those unnecessarily delayed). Naturally, they ALL get opened and checked out, which is my intent ... wasting the time of some schmuck at the USPS/Customs/HLS office. Perhaps it's a little juvenile of me, but it still cracks me up. Wonder what they think of it at Publishers Clearinghouse? What if MILLIONS of people began doing this? I just love bizarre practical jokes! It only cost me four bucks and that's easily worth all the chuckles I get as I sit at my desk stamping all my outgoing mail and imagining the looks on the faces of the people who have to deal with it.