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I am not a cp sufferer, yet. (One never knows what tomorrow may bring, especially as one ages)
However, I want you to know how deeply your post moved me. I am 44 and have felt suicidal in my life for other reasons. Knowing that you feel as desparate as that, really makes me want to weep.
Thank God (or whatever powers are out there) that you are a member of DB. This is THE place to find the honest, nonjudgemental experts who have been in your shoes (or close to it).
Be sure to make this thread one of your favorites so you can easily return to it to see the practical advice others here will give you. You are surely not alone!
For myself, just know that I care....
Catmom
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God, please help me to be the person my DOG already thinks I am.