DrugBuyers.Com: How do you prevent hydro constipation?

A friend(annexation) of mine wrote this, hope it explains constipation for you....

What is constipation?

Constipation, my dear friend, is quite simply a condition in which your poop cannot properly exit through your poop chute. This is a detrimential ailment that can be lethal with the appropiate amount of blockage.

In short: Constipation occurs when your butt is plugged.

What causes constipation?

The causes for constipation are immeasurable in scope. the most common catalysts for constipation are simple ones. Eating too much colby cheese has been known to plug the sphincter up with startling efficiency. Children who fear they may have contracted worms from the family dog have been known to avoid going to the bathroom when they have the urge to defecate. This in turn causes the bowels to "compact" (compaction occurs when feces have been repeatly denied their natural exit, causing the fecal material within the intestines to lose its viscosity and smoothness while simultaneously growing in size), which always leads to a fierce dose of constipation.

In short: Constipation can usually always be traced back to an overdose of Slim-Fast.

What are the symptoms of impending constipation?

You know the bell is tolling when you feel your guts kick around like a lively infant, even though you aren't pregnant. If you feel an irrational fear to defecate, then chances are that your body is attempting to tell you something: If you push it, it will not come. Let it be known that you should always defecate if you feel the urge to, regardless of your location. By suppressing the urge, you are enacting a common medical mishap we like to call "Denying the Poop". You should never deny the poop (for your own well-being, if nothing else), even if you're at a friend's house and you're certain you'll plug the toilet. The embarrassment you'll experience for doing so will be a minor penalty when compared to the devastating repercussions of saving it for later.

In short: Poop doesn't make for good leftovers. Get it out ASAP.

Who can be affected by constipation?

Everyone is a potential victim to the ravages of anal roadblock. Not just people, but virtually every living thing as, such as: Bears, fish, and seaweed. Don't feel embarrased or singled out if you come down with a case of constipation. It happens not only to the best of us, but to the rest of us as well.

In short: Constipation is an inevitability amongst all God's creations. Even God himself.

I had constipation so bad the other day I thought I would die. Is this Normal?

Constipation will vary in degree of severity. Some constipations are minor: easily forced with minimal pain. Others are epic: a climactic battle of wits and attrition It is perfectly normal to experience a desire to die while engaged in a severe case of constipation. Our best advice to this : Shove a wooden stick in your mouth so you have something to clamp down on with your teeth, straighten your back so as to better facillate the exit of rhe feces, grip the seat on both sides with both hands, and bounce up and down on the toilet (to rattle the log loose) while giving it your all in the midsection. It helps to have exciting dance music playing while doing this.

In short: Don't give up. throw everything you got at it, and you will defeat ti.

How can I combat or prevent constipation?

There are age-old methods at your disposal for countering the ill effects of rump stasi, many of them tried and true. Drinking Tropicana Pure Premium orange juice will easily reverse the effects of constipation within four hours or so. Ex-Lax chocolate candies are not very tasty, but will also soften your stool if given enough time to work its magic.

In short: Pinch it off, run to the store, and buy some treatment.

I tried for hours, but there's a four-inch log from my anus and it isn't going anywhere. What should I do?

Perhaps the most embarassing aspect of constipation is the leftover stubborn excrement, often referred to as the " turtle head". There are various ways in which the turtle head can be dealt with. Some perfer to work it back and forth until it becomes pinched and disposed of. Others have been known to cut the turtle head with a pair of shears. Use whatever method that works best for you, but don't tell people about it unless you're a sucker for infinite ridicule.

In short: Pull it out with your hands if you have to. Just don't leave it there, sicko.

My grandma told me if you color your turds with chrome spray pain, you can turn around and pawn them on Ebay as Christmas tree decorations, Is this true?

Absolutely.

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Baseball is wrong...Man with four balls cannot walk!

Edited by scissorhands (08/10/03 04:39 PM)