DrugBuyers.Com: physicians and their assistants

Thanks for the support! Seriously, it is so neeeded right now. I am part nervous and scared to see him on Monday, but I am also confident and cocky. He thinks I am just a needy, anxiety ridden, helpless person that he controls. Well, not anymore. I keep thinking to myself that his wife must put him in his place all of the time, and because he is such a dork, many, many chicks, just like me and all of my friends must have made fun of him in school or never gave him the time of day in a bar or anything. So he holds resentment and now that he "thinks" of himself as a power holder, you know, the almighty DOCTOR, he feels as though he has a right to intimidate peope, especially people that are vulnerable due to their pain, like myself. After all, he was vulnerable and I am sure other people in more powerful positions were mean to him. oh well!

I swear, I really think that this is the exact scenario. It is payback time and he loves it that I just sit there in cry. That is what I have to keep telling myself, because if I think of him as a total dork (as he is, oh gosh he is so short and ugly!!!!) then I will not have a problem staying strong. I do not need him for medication, or for anything at all and I only wanted to come to the pain clinic to learn new things, not be critized and falsely diagnosed by a doctor (dork) with a complex.

Once again, thanks for the encouragement. To gain confidence for Monday, I pulled out a big crate with all of my pictures in it. They are from 9th grade up until now, and I am 29!! There are SO many and even though I had hoped to put them all in albums, there is no way because there are SO MANY, so I just keep them in the container and pull them out to rumage through every now and again. It helps to look at the picturs from happier times, well, happier in that I was not in any kind of pain, the pain only entered my life last year. I decided to go through these before monday's visit because I just sit there and smile and start to reminisce about all of the fun we had. I really laugh when I see pictures from when my husband and I first started dating. We just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary, but our 10th anniversary of being together. Yes, he stole my youth. HA HA just kidding!

Anyway, I grew up in Fresno California and from as early as I can remember i helped my dad with his law office. He worked out of the home, so i was able to do several things for him and that was always so cool. My friends were always jealous that I got my first "paycheck at 12 years old. Even though it was from my dad, I was on the payroll and I really did a lot of work. So take that Dr. Rubin, JERK, I was responsible at an early age!!!! Oh and not to sound stuck up but almost all of my friends are just beautiful. I am not trying to say that I was the most popular person on the earth, but high school and college were a blast and I would not have changed one minute of it. So when I go through all of the pictures, and memories I have so many happy memories and emotions that the euphoria alone could get me through monday. So as weird as that sounded, it did work, it just reminded me of who I was beofre this surgery and this 30 pound weight gain due to the surgery, and I also felt proud that I have been able to jog again. I go every night, whether I am really hurting or not and I walk and lightly run. I do not hit the pavement too hard because I know that can be bad for the back. But it feels good to get out there again. I may never be up to running 6 miles again, but I am content with getting up and moving around.

Anyway, sorry moderators, I know I am WAY off topic here, but I just wanted to say thank you to everyone. Not only for the most recent encouragement, but for the continuous kindness, encouragement, and knowledge throughout this past year. Thanks!!

I'll let everyone know what happens on Monday, should be SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Flea