DrugBuyers.Com: physicians and their assistants

Marine - -

I completely understand the whole "crying thing" when someone touches on an already touchy and obviously emotional subject. My pain doc is such a jerk that for some reason he has this creepy hold over me. Even if I go in telling myself that NO MATTER WHAT I will not cry today, he says something like, "I think we are looking at an addiction problem here" and I am a goner. Instead of being in control and confidently dissagreeing with the putz, I just sit there and almost hypervenilate. I have never been like that but I think that because this whole pain issue has such control over me and I am so dependent on these people to actually help me that I loose all emotional control.

He was not even the one prescribing my pain meds, my regular dr. was, I was not even coming to him for nay meds, but rather help with my pain. I still to this day have no idea what he does for people, but I know he has done nothing but sent me back a few notches in my recovery. (from pain, not addiction). It is so weird. Why would I come to him if I was addicted since he is not the prescribing dr.? I already have that. I got a hold of my medical records from the visits with him and i have to say I about fainted. The things he wrote blew me away. Seriously, he diagnosed me as manic and had a splitting personality (whatever that means) and sent me for a psych review. Well the pain psychologist totelly disagreed with him and thankfully that is now noted in my file. I mean bi-polar. Please, I admit i cry a lot in there, but I have been pretty consistant about it. He has only seen me crying, so how could he determine that i was bi-polar? Doesn't there have to be a part of me that finally crashes and or finally goes into a completely different mode? If i am always crying and he thought I was bi-polar, well then please point out when I have been anything but upset in there with him? I admit he makes me cry, but that is a consistent cry, not anything that would make me look bi-polar.

Anyway, my message here is that after i got these records I feel SO different about him and I am so ready to see him again, especially since he does not have a clue that I have read these. I MUST be in control this next time otherwise I will just keep looking like an out of control psycho b***h!

I only get upset in there because I jumped through so many loops to get to the pain dr. and I thought i was going to get some real help. I have not received anything but negativity from this guy and I in no way ever went there for meds, so that whole addiction thing is ridiculous!!

He even called my family doctor, the prescribing dr. and told her that he thought I should go off the oxycontin cold turkey and be admitted into a drug rehab program, even though this oxy was the first time I have ever had ANY pain relief since my back surgery in November 2002. Luckily she disagreed with him and did not feel I had an addiction problem. Bless her heart she kept me on the oxy and my pain has been somewhat manageable for the last month.

Anyway, I know I am WAY off topic here and totally jumped into my own little "poor me" story but when I read that this pathetic PA was telling you that you are taking more than a cancer patient i wanted to scream (I guess that is the bi-polar in me, ha). Seriously. What I have finally learned from this guy might be helpful for all of us that are experiencing such demoralizing care and statements. I mean I am sure I do start to look out of control when I can not stop crying, but that has never happened before in ANY situation, but then again I have never been so helpless in my life. My pain has taken over any independence I had and that can really change a person. So what I would suggest to anyone in this situation again is to not allow the person making these hurtful remarks to gain any kind of power from their stupid remarks. You know, like a whole "see I told you she is crazy, or see, I told you she is over medicated"

By crying or by not remaining in control we have just handed over any power we had. However by remaining calm and not letting our pain and our defenses speak for us, we will be far ahead of the game.

Since I am working on developing these skills and picturing what I will say to this dr. on monday, or to any other doctor that ever makes me feel like this again, I feel much better. I cannot cry or look helpless! Instead I will just turn things around and prove him/her wrong at every corner. Instead of crying and saying, "you are wrong, I am not addicted and how dare you say that after you know what I have been through" I will say, "wow, well that is a surprise. Geez, I am so sorry you feel that way because I am quite confident I am in a lot of pain, and that is why i came here. I was hoping to learn several different modes of therapy and deciding to allow you into this coordinated care was part of the big picture. You know, the more people i have involved in my care, the better my chances are for receivng all of the therapy options out there. Maybe one doctor knows about something new, that a different dr. did not know about. It is obviously then in my best interest to have that doctor on my side. I am sorry and somewhat mystified at your sudden diagnosis of my being bi-polar as well as the possibility of being addicted to pain meds, but right now maybe we should focus more on your expertise and leave the mental health diagnosis to the professionals as well as the addiction matters. Right now I would like to see what you can offer me in terms of relieving my continual pain.

Done deal. However if it was the PA saying something to me I would try my best to regain control of myself and then try to come up with some little smart a** remark regarding his profession. You know, suggesting that he maybe ought not comment on my medication dosage being that he is just a "PA" and that you have met with several other "doctors" and specialists and the dose of meds I am on now comes from their suggestions. You know even if that is not true, even if you are getting these meds online, put him in his place and regain control of that room. Others might tell me not to get all smarty with him but I am tired of the whole respect thing. If I feel I am not being respected than watchout. I will no longer cry, I will put my brains and sarcasm to work and make that person feel pretty stupid. Heck I was very good at that before and I have no idea where that was lost. My husband said he had never seen me just sitting there crying like that and having that doctor go on and on about how messed up I was. He said that the old me (the pain free me) would have made him walk out of that room crying, not the other way around.

So the point to this very long post is not to give this power over to these people. They crave it and when we sit there and cry we are just proving them right. We are out of control and the pain is not really "real" but rather it is highly related to the amount of anxiety we are experiencing. Not like a big kick in the b***s won't give him pain and anxiety, but that is besides the point here.

So I am so sorry for this long message. To top it off I do not have time to re-read it and to do a spell check cuz I have to run so I can only imagine all of the errors. Sorry, but I did want to tell of my experience and to empower anyone else that might find themselves in a similare situation. How dare they talk to us like that. We are hiring them, he is MY EMPLOYEE, not the other way around and I will not allow his misguided statements go into my medical record without a fight. OOOH I can not wait until Monday, August 11. Now I have to stick to my word because I will have to come back here to report.

O.K. BYE EVERYONE, and STAY STRONG girls, AND boys!!

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Flea