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PTSD is the most underdiagnosed illness in LE. We are afraid to seek counseling after serious incidents and few departments have mandatory counseling or time off after a critical incident. MANY officers self medicate for this with booze or any meds we can get our hands on.
Without getting too personal here, I learned this first hand. I was involved in a use of deadly force incident many moons ago. It is funny how the human mind works. when the sh#t hits the fan our brains go into overdrive and time stops. In four and a half minutes I made a thousand decisions, recalled training I hadn't had in a decade, and ended the life of an armed felon driving a stolen car who tried to end mine first.
My department told me to "shake it off" and return to work the next day. I called off sick for a week and locked myself in my closet, no BS. After three days of living in my walk in closet some of my cop buddies literally broke the door in at my wife's request and talked me into going to a shrink. The department did not pay for it, my brother and sister officers did. Two weeks later I was fine and returned to work, but the insomnia and nightmares never go away. The shrink said it's normal and returned me to full duty. I have worked a two years since then without incident. EXCEPT FOR THE VOICES IN MY HEAD!!!!(LOL)
The point is that this sheriff's deputy is a perfect example of a legitimate need for treatment, but he never got it. He chose to self medicate with a drug that he knew was as illegal as cocaine. Even in my worst depression and flashbacks I never resorted to illicit drugs, there is no excuse for it. Besides, modern pharmecuticals are far more reliable and often more potent than the garbage they sell on the streets. I can ALMOST relate to his pain of not being able to sleep and being willing to do almost anything to get sleep without the dreams, but that's why they make Valium 10mg!!! Valium is not even half as good as Rohypnol, but the law is the law. If we in LE don't follow it, why in the heck should anyone else?
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