DrugBuyers.Com: Hydro and depression relief?

Man has this thread been enlightening!

I want to put in my other 2 sense.
I have been through the psych thing. Therapists, councelers, the psychiatrist drug docs, and in and out of 3 inpatient hospitals. Gained a crapload of weight on zyprexa, and have been put on every single ssri there is. People forget that even the antidepressive drugs cause severe dependance and zoloft (abrupt, accidental stopage... forgot my meds on vacation) landed me in another hospital after attempting to commit suicide with 36 kolanipin through IV....I was serious, didnt want to be found and have my stomach pumped...even with four children and a loving husband....I wanted to DIE.

I have also been in and out of 5 drug/alcohol treatment centers. I have been using, abusing, seeking, and withdrawling, for as long as I can remember.

I have read countless books on the brain, its functions, its frailty, and its wonderful complexity. I have read about how food, vitamins, and herbal formulas can help improve moods.

That being said, I have read this thread, with great intrest as I can completely relate to this issue. What to do??? Is there a "miracle" drug to cure whatever this is that has been plauging me my entire life? Will I pass this on to my children? Will there be a "cure" for them?

I dont know. I know that when I am on hydro, oxy, or whatever I can get my mits on I feel better. I am more patient, I want to pray, I want to read my bible, I want to be affectionate with my children, I want to have "best kept off the board" with my husband. And when I am not on these "mood altering, addictive, bad for you" drugs, I DO NOT, and CAN NOT do all those things. So what does that mean? Do I need to go back to some rich, old, suit behind a desk, who thinks he can fix whats wrong with my brain by labeling me with some DSM-IV memorized, generalized mental illness by putting me on MORE DRUGS???? More drugs which do not make me want to do any of those things listed above either????

Maybe I am just a drug addict.... maybe I am one of those hopeless people who will never change.

Or maybe there are others out there like me. Others who desire to be their best, but just cant seem to find the answer as EVERYTHING in the "system" has let them down.

Miracle cure.... I am holding my breath.

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OOOOOOh.... who lives in a pineapple under the sea. Absorbent and yellow and porous is he. If nautical nonsence be somethin' you wish.. then drop on the deck and flop like a fish