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Redhill, that was the most poignant post I have read in very, very long. I am so sorry that you too have this.
But you stated everything, from the visit to the followup perfectly, you deserve praise for being able to articulate your suffering and next time you feel guilty, remember you obviously have not been seeking oblivion, you can see that anytime by the clarity and pacing of your post.
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First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
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