DrugBuyers.Com: Where to turn??

I think a big thing people without chronic pain don't understand is how you can possibly be in pain if you're getting so much accomplished. It really is a survival trait for a person to be able to do that. Just because I'm in severe pain, doesn't mean I have to be wincing, crying, or have a skyrocketing blood pressure. Chronic pain is so different than acute pain in that respect.

For me, it's having long-term goals (in my case, finishing med school) and short-term goals (if I make it through today and ignore my pain as much as I can, I'll treat myself to a donut and coffee when the day's over). I admit without my meds, I would be a complete wreck though. While what I get isn't fully adequate, they do make things a lot easier, and dramatically improve my quality of life. Short-term goals really do make a big difference, though- some days I can't even wait till the end of the day, I'll have to make it like, if I get through the first half of my day, I'll have a nice sit-down lunch, stuff like that. Also what helps me is knowing the alternative. If I wasn't doing what I'm doing, I'd be sitting on the couch all day, just being miserable with no end in sight to my pain. I figure if I have to be in pain anyway, why not at least do something meaningful to me.

One problem I have with opiates, is that after time, you just get lethargic on them. No more good feelings, just this weird blah feeling of not caring. That for me is almost as bad as the pain, not only do I have to fight off pain, now I have to realize that this numb feeling isn't me, it's the drugs I have to take to get rid of my pain.

Most women my age have no understanding of chronic pain, that's another problem I have. I guess a lifelong painful condition isn't terribly attractive. When they want to go out drinking, it's hard to explain how you can't mix alcohol with the pain medication you need to survive. I can't tell you the percentage of girlfriends I've given up on because they just didn't understand that I CAN'T "suck it up." I can't imagine what their friends and parents think of someone who needs narcotic pain medication to make it through the day. I know there are people who do understand, it just gets me down sometimes in the short-term.

Anyway, what is so nice about this board is that it's a virtual support group for people who do understand, and aren't going to judge you for it. I do know what you're going through, Corrie, it's really tough, sometimes it seems like there isn't light at the end of the tunnel, but there is, there has to be. We wouldn't bother if we didn't know deep down there was.

-yawkaw