armywife
Journeyman
Reged: 11/01/04
Posts: 60
Loc: mid-atlantic region
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To all of you who have a SO that knows about your OP usage, I am very happy for you. I unfortunately can not tell my husband about my OP usage. As he is the most unhypocritical person that I know and the drug and alcohol prevention leader for his company, he would have me in the psychiatric center so fast that it would make my head spin. If he were to know and be civilian, I don't think he would have a problem with it, but for now, I just can't tell him. I do have a friend that knows, but we don't talk all that often, so he hears nothing of the OP psycho-drama.
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Opie_Yates
Old Hand
Reged: 08/11/03
Posts: 489
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Yeah...it's a challenge being a pain med user and having a spouse who is as straight as an arrow, and is loathe to even use asprin, as I mentioned earlier. I am using a lot less now since she found out, but as it turns out, I'm in A LOT more pain as well. I'll take the improved marriage and three Norco a day over a foundering marriage and six Norco a day. I think as long as she sees me trying to tough it out, she doesn't mind so much as when I was medicating a lot to stay totally pain free. Like I said...definitely worth it.
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I'm not a doctor, I just play one on a message forum!
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FangZ
Member
Reged: 12/16/02
Posts: 106
Loc: My own theoretically ideal wor...
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This is neat seeing this thread still alive after all this time!  I still visit the boards, just haven't posted in awhile.
Hubby still doesn't know about my op usage, but I have a story for ya'll. Quite awhile ago, I ordered from ORX4Less, when they were using paypal. Order came on a Saturday, when I don't get the mail...hubby does. 
Since it was paid with Paypal, it was addressed to HIM. Normally, he won't open it since he knows all my ebay stuff comes addressed that way. But, since it came from a 'far away land'...he opens it. Inside were a Plain white packet,with plain white pills inside. He FREAKED OUT!
He brought it home and showed it to me, asked me what did I think it was??? I said, well...it looks like it has codiene in it. He suddenly says "I bet one of our customers who knows you have migraines had them sent to us"!!!!!! "Next time you get a bad migraine, try one out and see...I'm sure they are ok"!!!
No kidding...But, it did freak me out because at first he was SO freaked out, thinking it was a terrorist mailing or something..LOL!
So, in the end...I have started using a great records op...no more IOP ordering at all. He still doesn't know about that, but I am thinking of telling him soon. I think he may be more 'receptive' to the idea. He did tell me to start looking for cheaper sources for my new 'migraine preventative' topamax...so maybe he's a bit more open to the idea now.
Good luck and pain free to everyone.
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leap
Member
Reged: 11/19/03
Posts: 111
Loc: blue state
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Nobody knows.
My insurance makes me get my PCP prescribed meds from a mail order pharmacy & my cat gets vet meds in the mail from another OL pharm, so nobody notices, even when they sign for my stuff!
My spouse is incredibly clueless about medicine & relys on me to make sure his mother who takes 8 different prescription meds has what she needs for the best price. She comes to visit from India with a supply to last her visit, but if she should run out of something I know just where to get it!
That is how i found you all, looking for cheap Canadian meds, ended up buying even cheaper Indian meds (benzos) to make bearable long plane trip, but sometimes now when the old lady is really pissing me off!
I'd love to tell my sister, who has taken alot of pain meds, mostly vicodan, first for her osteoarthritic hip, then for recovery from hip replacement surgery. I've picked up so much now from this forum about chronic pain & opiods, that I could share with her but she would not approve. She really self rationed her vicodan intake as it kept her awake at night. I kept telling her to ask the MD for something different, but she never did.
I'm always researching medical stuff on the internet, so i tell my family & friends "I'm not a doctor, just play one on the internet!" If I had it to do again I'd try to go to medical school, probably end up in jail for prescribing too much pain meds.
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"I want to believe." - Fox Mulder
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drrondm
Newbie
Reged: 07/17/02
Posts: 48
Loc: Southeast USA
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"Good-looking" men are not that hard to find.But...they all get old,fat,gray and usually stingy.He could've helped you a long time ago.But what he wanted then,as now,is most likely to help himself.Just my opinion,not having met him,but he sounds like "What's yours is mine and whats mine is mine.I'd think about down the road.I'm an average-looking guy who made the mistake of marrying a "10."(Sorry ladies,but its the only way to describe the most beautiful woman I ever saw.And being a charge nurse,I've seen some real dolls.Never complained about my drug usage(Huge when you know that I had 2 pads of 100 scripts at all times,with nothing but the doc's signature and D.E.A. No. on them.I could write myself 8 ounces of Tussionex with 5 refills and take a bottle every day.Just use 5 drugstores.),but she got upset when I spent more time "high" than with her.She stuck it out 13 years,why I'll never know.For me,drug use and the marriage didn't work well together.And I always used alone,never with so-called friends.If you attracted one good-looking guy,there are millions more.And most (all worth having) are looking for more than sex.Its an important part of a relationship,but by itself tends to have a very limited life-span.Just MHO.
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All governments tend to become more controlling with time
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nightrider
Stranger
Reged: 02/21/04
Posts: 10
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Personally, a male perspective, I think you should keep it fairly cool for awhile. I have been in his same position and used similar "lines" to get back with my Ex. He maybe okay, I don't know why you split, but I do know the grass isn't always as green as it may appear on the otherside.
In my case, I left her for someone else..then found myself alone and unable to find anyone..so it was easier to try to get the one I had..in marriage.
So, my 2-cents..take it slow and see if he wants you for the right reasons..
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chopin
Stranger
Reged: 03/03/05
Posts: 11
Loc: Southern Peach
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just my two cents.....
my husband does not know, and this is why.....
after years of going to doctor after doctor, trying to find a solution to the pain problem;
after "doctor" upon "doctor" repeatedly telling me it was "in my head";
after husband says it must be "in my head" since dr. god says so;
after thousands and thousands of dollars in medical bills by insurance company saying the tests weren't covered....
i could go on. so, i don't tell my husband. he thinks that whatever the doctors say is the way it is.....that is his opinion/belief. but, i personally know that my pain is not in my head. now, i order online. only i know (and you guys, of course), and my life couldn't be any better for it!
everyone's lives are different. if you can confide in your spouse, then that's great! if you can't, i understand, and i would never judge any of you for it! i've been judged enough by professionals to last me for the rest of my life!
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lisangel
Banned: telling members how to post. Only moderators can do that!
Reged: 09/24/02
Posts: 89
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My husband knows some...but very little. He doesn't like to take anything other than vitamin c (and he needs an anti-depressant, lol) and although he knows I desperately need the meds I take, it bothers him. He refers to my meds as "candy" and is just uncomfortable with them. We have a deal with the mail, he doesn't touch mine, I don't touch his which seems to work well and ....well, sometimes ignorance is bliss. I think it is very difficult for people who don't have to deal with pain/anxiety on a daily, hourly, every second of every day basis to understand what we go through. I will say though that when I need his help, when I hurt so badly I can't get up to get to my meds or just need help with them for any reason, he does what I need him to do quickly and without question.
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bumpkin2001
Newbie
Reged: 02/26/05
Posts: 41
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Who do you tell? I'd ask some of your friends if their Dr.'s have a problem prescribing pain meds. Tell them you've built up a tolerance to OTC pain meds. I had a freind ask me that before. Then when you make a visit to the Dr. (surely your husband can't get upset at that) be somewhat honest with the doctor...tell him something like, "You had a friend that gave you 3 hydros you realize that's illegal(or whatever it is that you're taking)but, that it was the only time in a long time that you had any relief. He probably won't prescribe as much as you're taking but, it'll cut down on the OP expense a lot. If your problem is a depression or anxiety or the like...remember a lot of those are chemical imbalances. You don't have to live like that. Good luck to you.
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bumpkin2001
Newbie
Reged: 02/26/05
Posts: 41
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See if you can find a doctor that specializes in fibromyalgia. That's not in your head and can be diagnosed. I had a freind once that was in chronic pain for a long time. Did a lot of doctor hopping before he found out he actually had lime disease. Wow, there's a spell checker on here not. Kewl!
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BamaChica
Board Addict
Reged: 05/28/04
Posts: 356
Loc: AL by way of Cali..culture sho...
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i hid OPs from my husband for a long time until he was home one day and witnessed the COD delivery,he is very health conscious,works out,etc.and does not like the fact that I use OP's,but he hates even more the $ that I spend.Thats his #1 issue.I dont hide the pills from him anymore,but I do hide the amt I take because he thinks i should just take 1 or 2 a week and that is just not realistic,so i hide them and just let him think i take 1 or 2 and we seem to be ok, he does gripe and make me feel bad about taking them while I stay home with my son who is 3, I think he thinks that they alter my thinking,he just doesnt realize that it does nothing to me at all in that aspect.I can say that things were better before he knew,now i feel like I have this scarlet letter on my chest for taking pain meds and ordering from OP's and I shouldnt feel that way but i do!! He is the only person who knows besides a really good friend of mine I met on here that lives a few miles from me. My other family members would DIE! They are all medical professinals as am I,but they all look down on people who take maintence pain meds unless they are 85 yrs old! its frustrating...but what do you do?
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sunup
Newbie
Reged: 02/09/05
Posts: 34
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I hope hubby doesn't read the posts here on DB BamaChica.
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guineapig
Newbie
Reged: 12/21/04
Posts: 37
Loc: u.k
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Luckily (?) I live alone with my small son, so I dont often have to explain my meds. Everyone around me, including my parents, would be horrified and probably cart me off to rehab if they knew!! I am an alcoholic, sober 3 and a half years. This site helps me to stay that way!! Recently lots of people have remarked on how well I'm looking these days and how well I'm getting my life together...if only they knew!! Best Wishes to all. Andrea
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alphie
Member
Reged: 03/03/05
Posts: 121
Loc: Northeast US via every souther...
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This is an excellent thread! I recently moved in with my girlfriend of six months. I did tell her at the beginning that I had major pain issues in my mid to lower back, and that our activities, depending on how I felt on a given day, might be highly limited. Sometimes I just have to lay down and I can't be going out, exercising, or doing "various other activities" that require rather acrobatic feats.
I did not tell her that I order from OPs, because for some reason, I thought it would uncover some form of weakness. I like appearing strong and able, and to admit that I rely on medication to get me through many days bothered me. She saw me as a source of strength and I thought that an admission would compromise that perception.
After we grew closer, I decided to tell her the whole story. It had nothing to do with the fact that at some point, she would undoubtedly intercept a package from UPS or FedEx. We just share everything with each other, and I felt even MORE uncomfortable keeping my pain needs from her.
Our talk went really well. In fact, she was fairly upset that I had not told her earlier. She didn't see me as weak, but as someone willing to take a risk in order to receive the resources I need to have a vibrant life. The only problem, something that others have mentioned, is the cost! I sometimes complain that we don't have money to do this or that or to buy this or that, but I HAVE to buy my meds. That is the only thing that is ever problematic.
I am really lucky to have a loving, understanding companion. I wouldn't feel comfortable telling anyone else, but I knew she would understand. I don't really care if anyone else reads this. It just feels good to talk about it. God, that is the mushiest I've been in a while. Break out the sappy chick flicks...
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phialpha2000
Journeyman
Reged: 02/02/05
Posts: 77
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This is regarding the topic WHO TO TELL and who not to tell about our pills...
15 years ago I was married. I had at that time undiagnosed lumbar disc disease for which the doc (only had ONE doc) tossed me Darvocet, Tylenol #3 and Ativan for anxiety issues....I was in my 2nd year of law school -2 weeks before finals!!! when the Dr decided I needed to be off all this stuff and cut me off, essentially cold turkey. To this point I had had only a single set of xrays of my back and the doc assumed my pain and anxiety were due to stress of school. Although insurance would have paid for it, they never ordered an MRI. the doctor assumed, i suppose, that the pain was "in my head", I suppose.
So I became a consumate Dr shopper( back when it wasn't illegal, and when insurance would pay for any office visit and RX you turned in.) I eventually flunked out of school, too consumed with getting pills to study. When I told my then hubby I needed help (he was a longtime member of a popular 12 Step group and should have understood) he saw to it that I got into a treatment center (30 days) refuesed to participate in family week, said I had "deceived him" about the pills and within 3 months divorced me. OUCH!!
I finally had back surgery over 10 years ago, which helped immensely.I have since then been through treatment again- this was almost 10 years ago now. I have not been pill or pain free everyday since then, but my struggle in NOT a secret from those closest to me either! And today with the right pain meds, in the right doses,and anti depressants - which did not exist in the 80s! I am living comfortably and mostly pain free.
Getting back on topic, the old adage is true "WE ARE ONLY AS SICK AS THE SECRETS WE KEEP." I don't suggest telling casual accquaintances or someone you just met your medical history. But as far as friends, spouses, and loved ones are concerned, honesty can prevent all kinds of problems biting you on the a-- as happened to me.
The watchword here is this: *****TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE.*****
Well meaning spouses, children, friends and parents who comment on your pills may be simply overly cautious and, mercifully, not have first hand knowledge of chronic severe pain. On the other hand, give those who know you best the benefit of the doubt if they take you aside and want to talk because they fear your narcotic use is a problem in itself.
When in doubt, be open minded and don't be afraid to talk about options. I say all this because I lost the love of a good man to whom I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with due to my own pride, stubbornness and fear.
Don't spill your guts for no reason, but DO have friends and family who you can use as a sounding board. If YOU or those around you suspect that the pills have taken on a life of their own and are causing problems,by all means call Narcotics Anonymous- NA- ( www.na.org) check out a meeting or call a health care professional. Life is too short to ignore problems that will not go away.
I hope this gives encouragement to someone reading it who does not know where to turn. Feel free to IM me if I can help, too. 
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Arizona
Newbie
Reged: 06/27/04
Posts: 29
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I have a cousin who knows, one friend, and my husband. I don't really tell my husband how often I order, I just do it.
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forgotmyname
Journeyman
Reged: 03/12/05
Posts: 76
Loc: South
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I had told a person I worked with back when I was still able to work and I swear to you, everyday this person would come to me with a headache or a backache or some ailment and constantly begged me for my pills. I guess i messed up in the beginning and gave her one or two here and there because I knew what it was like to live in pain. Then once it got to be an everyday thing, I decided to tell this person that I only have enough for myself and offered to give her the name of my doctor. This person then turned on me and even told people she thought I had a drug problem and other rumors. Her and I never became friends again and I felt horribe for it. I even thought about telling people what really happened but did not want to stoop to her level and act like I was just trying to get her back. I was even called into the bosses office and asked what meds I took and why and if they could get a note from my doc. It was so embarrassing. All because I screwed up and told someone I thought was a friend that my doc had given me some pain meds. I had been friends with this person for 2 years before all this. She still works there but I have heard she has been demoted and had other problems consistent with drug abuse. I went back for a baby shower not too long ago and she was civil to me but i wasnt to her.
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Buy the ticket, take the ride~~Hunter S. Thompson
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