jptrick
Journeyman
Reged: 05/20/03
Posts: 57
Loc: Midwest
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Can't believe I am going to admit/ask this but I can't be the only one:
My spouse knows I use OPs.
Actually, she knows I have once used an OP.
Actually, she knows that a package from an OP was once delivered to our house.
I of course knew nothing about the package and told her I would bring it right back to the UPS hub.
I was gonna do that but when the meds and I got in the car, I couldn't remember if I even knew where the hub was so I had no choice but to keep them for myself.
To the point:
Have you ever gotten in your car in the morning to look for the UPS/FedeX guy before he got to your house?
Of course, I only do it to make the delivery guy's job a little easier.
JP
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therhino
Enthusiast
Reged: 06/06/04
Posts: 224
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trust is the foundation of all sucessfull relationships. You could have great sex, and love each other very much but without trust the foundation will crumble. once it's lost it is very hard to get back, come clean and you will feel a whole lot better. no matter how hard it is to do.
best wishes
therhino
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tinafarm1966
Newbie
Reged: 01/31/04
Posts: 32
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for better and for worse.....please discuss this with your wife; pain or addict or drug tolerant? some of each? some people truly do not know, or lie to themselves for years, you may need to go to a pain clinic to actually find out.....denial can be an ugly road; honesty lies within, and keeping any meds that you are on from your wife actually can be serious if an emergency arose.......no matter what your situation will turn out to be, your wife needs to be your main support
i am praying for you
tina
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timberland
Enthusiast
Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 236
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Um, you're not alone! Just trying to get in the spirit of things here...
I think I'll pray for you, too - if you have a preference as to which god you'd like me to pray to, I'm here for you.
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JeanneLynn
Member
Reged: 05/16/04
Posts: 115
Loc: The Bible Belt
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My husband doesn't even take an aspirin if he has a headache! He knows that I order from OPs for my TMJ and back pain. He hasn't made any complaints or comments about it, except once when we had an argument and he suggested that I "take a pill", LOL. I don't think he knows how much I spend on medications as I do the financial stuff in our household and he never sees the credit card statements or bank statements. I think he would probably be shocked at the total cost of consult and monthly meds. And I'm with a regular OP and the consult is $120 every 3 months and $250 a month for the meds/shipping, so it really adds up (enough to take a trip to Hawaii or pay the payments on a new vehicle!)  Although he just bought himself a brand new $35,000 truck, so I'd be pretty mad if he complained about medication costs!
Did your wife get real upset that you were ordering from an OP or do you think it is the expense that bothers her? I'm not sure if you are using a regular OP or a non records one, but either way it can add up. Although probably alot more if you are using a no records one! Or do you think that she is upset that you are taking pain meds? I'd say that if you legitimately have pain, it would be pretty mean of her to expect you to suffer when you can get relief ordering from an OP. If you are not in pain any longer, but still addicted, you should try to do a taper or find a Bupe doctor in your area to get help.
Good luck to you!
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patient2all
Enthusiast
Reged: 05/16/02
Posts: 295
Loc: usa
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Quote:
I'm not sure if you are using a regular OP or a non records one
I'm just quoting to introduce my story.
When I first started ordering from my Telemedicine Provider two years ago, my wife thought it was "seedy" and not the way to do things, but she didn't stand in my way or anything. We never interfere in each other's choices for no solid reason. When my Telemedicine Provider eventually sent a port-a-medic out to take my vitals, my wife said she was now a lot more comfortable with the idea. That single act caused them to gain a great aura of legitimacy that hadn't been there before in her eyes. I wasn't just ordering from some PO box somewhere as she probably imagined.
Of course, now two years later, I'm ordering some Prevacid for her from an IOP in another window...
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patient2all
It's a sad world, getting sadder by the day....
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patient2all
Enthusiast
Reged: 05/16/02
Posts: 295
Loc: usa
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jptrick,
BTW, don't feel like a scoundrel. You're far from the first person to hide things like this from a spouse. Remember the famous bartenders' line, "Joe, are you here? It's your wife on the phone".
We read stories on the board where such is implied all the time. You're one of the only ones who has stated the issue so bluntly, so don't beat yourself up; just give some thought to the advice you're getting.
Good Luck!
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patient2all
It's a sad world, getting sadder by the day....
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vastchoirs
Enthusiast
Reged: 08/05/02
Posts: 287
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Definitely tell your wife. It will make it so much easier on yourself to tackle the problem you have at hand. I know how you feel though. Being in pain, maybe no insurance to see a Dr. The bad hype surrounding OP's and fearing the wife will flip out, tell you you could kill yourself, you don't know what they are saying etc.
After you tell her, ask her to sit down so you can explain and have her read things online about your condition, about how dr's have become scared bootleggers of the 20's How most phone consult OP's are legit, that you have researched what the pill is supposed to look like.
Tell her you were afraid to tell her. Tell her is you feared loosing her if you did tell her. The worst thing is hiding it because no matter how good you are in hiding it, no matter how long you can do it, you will get caught. Somewhere down the line, you'll slip up from being forgetful of somethin..anything can go wrong.
Let's review. Explain to her what you are doing. Educate her, the both of you get online, and do the research and show her the facts and statements of other people in your shoes. If you come clean, take the time to explain you meant no foul, and educate her on the situation she should be very understanding and work with you to find a resolution.
Good luck and keep us posted.
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Doc, you're a pain in my pain
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vastchoirs
Enthusiast
Reged: 08/05/02
Posts: 287
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you don't know what they are saying etc
By the way I meant to type "You don't know what they are sending you"
Sorry about that misprint
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Doc, you're a pain in my pain
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rkjones
Member
Reged: 02/13/04
Posts: 159
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Communication is the key here! I don't know if you are a chronic pain sufferer or not but whatever it is she should know. Most people have the media idea of what an op is and no idea what it really is. Know what I mean? It seems seedy as said abive until YOU COMMUNICATE and SHARE what it really is. Heck reading this board and the pain sufferers here might help even. Point being we don't like what we have no knowledge of so you can change that and only you. By being secretive it adds fuel to the thought of it being wrong.
Just my thoughts.
I can tell you my mother freaked at first of the thought of the internet thing because all she knew is what she read in the paper or magizine and saw on thenews which is usually not ggod. Once she had seen me suffer over and over (chronic stones) and the uncompassionate doctors allow me to scream in pain, she came around! Heck, she even payed formy script a time or two when I was bedridden with a few 11 and 12mm stones for weeks at a time. Now she is going to the pain march with me to rally for a change in the way we are treated!
I really hope you take the advice of the members and those who have been there. Believe me your wife needs to know and might be your best pain advocate if that is what it is for you. If you just need help with a drug problem, well when everyone else turns their back you might be surprised to find her still there to help you fight the fight!
Good Luck to you!
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Noone has to endure abuse from others, god gave us moderators for this reason!
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rkjones
Member
Reged: 02/13/04
Posts: 159
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I think we were having the exact same thoughts and posting at the same time! Too funny!
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Noone has to endure abuse from others, god gave us moderators for this reason!
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tlynnburk
Journeyman
Reged: 02/01/04
Posts: 88
Loc: ohio, USA
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JP. I feel for you. It is your decision whether you want to let your wife know. I think it may help you. But then again, I don't know how your wife is. Were you on these meds from your doc? Not that it matters or is my business, but why do you use OP's. I know some use them cause docs won't give the meds or don't give enough for the pain. If you don't feel comfortable posting the answer and want to answer feel free to PM me. But, if at all possible, tell her. But again, I don't know her or your situation or if your marriage is in good shape. The one time Iwouldn't is if you have kids and the marriage is rocky, as you know how people like to assume, because of the media that we are all drug users. It's your choice and is unique to your situation, but if you need a friend PM me and Iwill give you my email if you need a friend for support.
Hugs
T
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Jedd
Newbie
Reged: 07/02/04
Posts: 26
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JP That is an excellent call on your part. I made a big big
mistake and told my girlfriend of 5 years that I ordered Tramadol and Vicodin online 1 time each. She acted all ok
next thing I knew I had my mother and 5 friends in my face for an intervention. The girlfriend freaked and acted all
ok. She worried my mother and some close friends. I explained to them they thought she overeracted but bottom line; I keep my mouth shut, no worries be happy. These other fools giving you advise must have met the nicest most understanding women in the world, myself I have never met a women who doesn't overreact. Keep lying keep quiet and keep the peace good luck bro
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tlynnburk
Journeyman
Reged: 02/01/04
Posts: 88
Loc: ohio, USA
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WOW Jedd, we must have been posting at the same time. Situations like yours are the reason that I felt that it is up to each individual situation. If at all possible, tell. But if you don't feel it will be taken the wrong was or if you think she may tell other people and/or family members who may assume you are an addict than that would be one of those situations where I would not tell. I wish you the best and again if you need advice or just a friends to talk to, PM me and I will give you my AIM screenname. I have met alot of wonderful people on this board and a few bad. But for the most part the people have been great and they have gotten online and IM'ed me when times were hard or when I was going through WD, when I had to use NO records, because someone didn't deliver. I hope you have meet some of them and I will be glad to help you anytime.
Hugs.
T
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Iatewhat
Journeyman
Reged: 10/07/03
Posts: 75
Loc: Texas
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The guy didn't ask for marital advice so let's not give him any. He did ask however if we have looked for our delivery person before he comes. I will answer that with a heck yes!! I have about a 50 % connect ratio because our neighborhood has two. One I always get for morning deliveries and one I have for afternoon. Same goes for both fedx and UPS. I love it when I am stuck at red light and I see him turn on a street a quarter mile down the road. THe light turns green and I just punch the gas. I will catch him 90% of the time if I see them off in the distance.
The only thing that sucks is catching the morning guy when I am looking for the afternoon female. Anyone else have that happen?
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tlynnburk
Journeyman
Reged: 02/01/04
Posts: 88
Loc: ohio, USA
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Can't say that I have ever chased the UPS/FED Ex guy down. But I can understand the urge and I have certainly had it. Just never acted on it. Right now I think (hope), I am done with hydro for good (been using the tea, it is great). But I am sure you aren't the only one to do that. Also, JP sorry if we were giving your more advice than you wanted. I guess we ALL figured by you posting so much detail about that part, that you wanted help. Anyways. I really wasn't giving you advice, just jumping in to let you know that it doesn't make you a bad person not to tell, as I am sure you have you reasons. I haven't seen you post again, so if you can post and let us know if we went to far with our answers.
It seems that all but one member took it to mean you wanted advice, but after reading it again, I can see where they would think you weren't asking that. Not sure if you were or not..
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MTKSS5
Newbie
Reged: 03/07/04
Posts: 46
Loc: COLORADO
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No kidding the guy wasn't asking for all the ohhhh how bad of him... He will be getting divorced soon....PLEASE.... I think he was more or less joking around, laughing at himself for doing this, lighten up people.......M
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curiousdee
Member
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 167
Loc: Southeast U.S.
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Yes, I frequently chase the UPS man!! I'm seeing a professional about it right now. lol! The UPS man has left stickers on my door when I haven't been home for a delivery.
I sometimes call a golf course in my area,(where I know he delivers almost daily) or at a convenience store (where I know he stops for convenience items). I explain to them that he left a sticker on my door and I need to get my package. Most people are very nice about it. The Tom Thumb has even called me when he was there before. It's my neighborhood and they all know me. Anyway, I hope this helps. And by the way, my husband never knows what I order and I never know what he orders either. We are both adults.
Good luck.
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fleabag
Newbie
Reged: 06/26/03
Posts: 46
Loc: new england
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Put your pants back on and be the man of the house!!!!!
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jmnss
Stranger
Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 16
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Are you a man or a mouse? SQUEAK UP!
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
But, seriously.... you need to talk it out. Be open, honest, answer all her questions. You might be surprised. My hubby is THE most supportive guy in the world. He wouldn't take an aspirin if a mad dog gnawed his arm off, but he always checks to make sure I have enough meds on hand. Another bonus for being honest........ when I'm having a bad day, there's never an ounce of flack about what doesn't get done because I haven't left the bed or sofa. Just loving sympathy and oodles of support.
Think about it.
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Putting the fun back in dysfunctional.
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sunflower29
Member
Reged: 04/13/04
Posts: 154
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Everyone's relationship is different, and I've had boyfriends who I know I could be open and honest about most everything because we were on the same wavelength and we had no secrets to begin with and I felt accepted for who I was, so there was no need for self-protection.
But I've been with men who for whatever reason I spent time with even though I didn't feel comfortable being myself, and felt I had to try and be someone I wasn't. I've learned a lot from that, and will never be with anyone who makes me feel inferior or insecure, whether it's intentional or not.
But with the med thing, it's hard to say whether that should be kept to yourself or not. I mean, nobody knows what it's like to be inside your own head, to experience the sensations in your body, and nobody has lived your life experiences.
Some people would stage an intervention because they feel very strongly about not using certain drugs, and they love you and feel they're helping you. If you know you're with someone who's like that, I'm not sure I'd share the fact I used certain medications. But there are so many factors involved, such as how long you've been together, the level of trust, all those bewildering aspects of human relationships and behavior that boggle my mind.
No wonder I'm ordering meds!
At the moment I'm single, so I haven't had to deal with this situation, but I really feel for those who are in this dilemma. I've shared with my immediate family some of my struggles with benzos, during times when I've tapered and it's been tough, so I wanted to explain why I wasn't myself. But there's only so much they can understand, and I won't accept being judged or chastized by anyone, unless they've walked in my shoes for a while, and as long as I'm not hurting anyone, I'm an adult and I should have autonomy over my own mind and body.
It's a complicated subject, but it's been a really interesting thread, with all the different viewpoints, and it's really got me thinking.
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Listvoer
Old Hand
Reged: 01/14/04
Posts: 408
Loc: New America
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Personally, a long long time ago I didn't tell my wife everything I ordered for whatever reason, but as time progressed I got tired of it, not to mention I *hated* not telling her the whole truth, so slowly I educated her on the matter & let her in on what I *needed* to do for my health. She understands quite well even if she is sometimes shocked when the credit card bill arrives (I hate it when the bill comes before the meds! "What did you order that was $265 that you forgot to tell me?" Hey, my memory ain't what it used to be) but still she supports me. I feel 1000% better having her clued in and on my side because, (not)funny enough, I recently had some good-intentioned but clueless friends decide that i've been using OPs and IOPs for so long that I must have a problem with them and they thought my wife must not know what all I take (she does) and they were quite close to calling her "in my best interests" for an intervention! Give me a break! As soon as my one good friend told me what was slowly brewing in the background I told my wife, and she laughed. Laughed! She said "Honey, I PAY the bills each month. I know what you take, I give you your meds with breakfast & dinner and know the amount you take, and I know it's not a problem." That's a great feeling, I do wish everyone could be so fortunate. That put a quick end to the planned intervention "in my best interests"... (anyone remember the old Suicidal Tendencies song "Instutionalized"? "WE decided?" "In MY best interests??"  )
THAT BEING SAID,
Anyone not wanting their purchases delivered to their homes where they don't want them to be found, or if you just hate waiting all day for the truck/have to chase them down, or for whatever your reasons, you can always tell the OP to leave your package at your nearest UPS / FedEx dropoff or distribution center (just put that address in as the delivery address, i've done it A LOT when I knew nobody would be home to accept the meds). Then, you can drive over to the place at the time of your choosing and get your package. I like doing that with UPS especially, because those guys never get to my house until late afternoon and often I can't hang around all day "waiting for the mail".
Just my 2¢ of course, coming from experience i've learned during the 15+ years i've been married to the greatest lady i've ever known...
L
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Due to PM spam I rarely check mine so if you send me one, make sure to let me know...
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antonio
Journeyman
Reged: 02/11/03
Posts: 73
Loc: Atlantic coast
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Keep it on the sly, and rent a box at Mailboxes Etc., or the UPS Store.....
My ex-girlfriend was aware..... and seemed cool with it, but when we broke up, she decided that it was her mission to inform my family and friends that I must have a problem since I prefer to order these things in the mail.....
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