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Corrie
Board Addict
Reged: 07/16/02
Posts: 362
Loc: Southeast US
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I've been to so many doctors over the past 3 years that I could have had our house halfway paid off by now had I not spent so much $$ on doctors (including OP's). The only relief I receive in regard to my pain is through OP's, and my PCP said that he wouldn't EVER prescribe any more than 2 hydro's per day, and only 2 weeks max.
So I decided to try and find a pain management specialist, but my insurance doesn't cover it. So we've switched insurances. I need a new MRI, new tests, the works because I have arthritis it feels like and it hurts everywhere. I'm not sure if I'm just hitting my ceiling with the meds I'm taking because of the amount I'm allowed to take (and I do take more than prescribed, but what are ya gonna do when you're in pain??)
I feel like every single doctor has treated me so poorly, like if I cannot tolerate Vioxx because of my Ulcer that I should just 'live with it'. I was given Aciphex to deal with the stomach problems, but there are class action lawsuits against the makers of Vioxx because of bleeding ulcers, etc. I'm definitely not trying to knock something that will work, I would LOVE for something other than an opiate to work because obviously there is a tremendous amount of pressure for doctors to not prescribe opiates for pain.
I will say that exercise has been a Godsend to me. I feel so much better, and I think it has to do with the endorphins released, but I just am having problems with tolerance to my medication, and I can't keep on going through, "Mom is sick again". It gets old after awhile. I can't even do the things I used to enjoy.
I was thinking about getting on a Subutex program (which is stronger than the Temgesic/buprenorpine), but all of the doctors in my area that are licensed to prescribe it cannot fit me in, need a Credit Card number just to hold the appointment time, treated me terribly on the phone, are located so far away that it will be hard to get there if and when I get a REAL person to talk to at one of their offices. This is for pain - a long term med used for pain control so I don't need to worry about dosing every 4 hours and waking up in the midst of the night in agony.
I just can't fathom Methadone after hearing the horror stories. Why is it so hard to find competent physicians who give a rats a$$ about their patient's who want to better their lives and not live on the couch? I know I'm complaining, but I literally have no one who understands what I'm going through, I have no friends left because of the fact I don't drink with them anymore and I'm in pain a lot of the time which makes me 'boring'.
I guess I've taken up a large amount of bandwidth, and I'm sorry for that, but is there such a thing as a caring doctor who will prescribe a long acting medicine that will allow you to live your life as best as you can, taking into account that med doesn't have a ceiling on it? I know most meds will lose their potentcy after awhile, and you'll eventually have to take a long hiatus and then get back on the program, but I'm going back to school (just decided), going back to work, have kids to take care of, a home, husband (separating, but working on that which is another story in and of itself) and I just don't know how all of you can handle this??
I guess my own advice to myself 3 years ago would have been to suck it up, get on with your life, take 3-4 advil every 4 hours as needed for pain and stop complaining, but this isn't working, not at all. It's surprising just HOW much pain a person can live in yet still function. I know you all know what I'm saying. Again, my intentions are not to elicit sympathy, but I'm curious as to how everyone here handles their own unique situation. I feel like the pain is a huge roadblock to my life, and it keeps me at arms distance from just about everything that I used to love to do. Just getting up in the morning, getting dressed and off to work is like climbing Mt. Everest. But again, without exercise (and my babies which aren't babies anymore), I don't know what I'd do.
Anyway, I would love to hear your story and how you cope in your individual ways. I could glean some information and use it in my own life to be able to cope a little better.
Thanks, guys. 
Corrie
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chantal
Board Addict
Reged: 03/02/02
Posts: 305
Loc: US
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I hear you! Yes, all that huge amount of money spent and sometimes lost just to have painfree days! But if I've saved that money and didn't spend it on meds I wouldn't enjoy it because I can't enjoy anything when I hurt. I sometimes wonder if I ran totally out of money and couldn't get the meds how life would be and if I would be able to adjust to miserable days filled with pain. Or if my life is more miserable now with the constant occupation on how and where to get meds. The problem is that the family physicians can't prescribe as some of them would like to. That they are being so strictly controlled and that those with the pain (shouldn't it be at least half the country?!) are forced to lead a miserable life either way - with pain/no meds or without pain/constantly searching for meds.
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night_shade
Threadhead
Reged: 08/26/03
Posts: 907
Loc: The State of Hockey
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Corrie-
It was EXACTLY a situation like yours which led me, in desperation, to get on the methadone program. I was maybe 23 at the time I got on it and really had no education whatsoever about it. They simply don't care so long as you have the money. If you are willing to committ yourself to life-long opiate treatment, this IS an option, and will probably free you from many of the hassles you presently experience. And if you are in the shape I was, even going in once a day to get dosed won't compare to the omnipresent fear of running out of meds. It really doesn't matter whether a doc prescribes it or whether you are on a maintenance program, methadone is VERY very difficult to kick once you are well and truly dependent on it.
For me, the price was just too high. The nearly $400/month it cost me to stay on the methadone program just couldn't be afforded any longer. And if you can't pay, you don't dose. After being admitted to the hospital with stroke-level blood pressure from missing several days of the program (no money, no dose) my private doc began writing for it. But that's not legal for him to do so strictly for withdrawal prevention. In any case, he would only do it if I continued my decreasing dose schedule. By that time I had already made it down from 100mgs/day to 30mgs/day. It's been a year since he started writing for it and now I have made it down to 3.5mgs/day (with much agony) and my pain issues have hit full-force again.
The methadone monkey screams at me to get back on a higher dose (which would mean getting back on maintenance again.) Yet I resist because I have made it so far.
The best thing about methadone maintenance is that you can adjust your own dose according to the relief you need. Up to 130mgs (its higher in states where the heroin is better.)
Feel free to PM if you want more info.
Best of luck, it really is horrible to be in your shoes.
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Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.
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turcica
seeker
Reged: 12/21/03
Posts: 312
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It seems we are "caught between a rock and a hard place". None of us who have true pain issues would be using OD's if our MD's had the ability to prescribe without fear of losing their licenses because they do prescribe. Managed care or Damaged care as I like to call it took alot of the decision making out of the doc's hand. Oh , and let us not forget the zealots in D.C. making it their special goal in life to squash the so called "drug problem" in the states especially the internet sales and international imports.We all know how much of our taxpayers time and money they will spend to prove their point. Look at the Clinton issue.That was truly a waste of our time and money. So sooner or later (probably sooner) we will have the ability to purchase meds online taken out of our hands.Yes, we won't have to be waiting for those deliveries that seem to consume us at times. We will just replace that with days of wondering whether today is going to be a less painful day than yesterday and what about tomorrow. I personally would rather be obsessing about the delivery truck then whether I am ever going to have some relatively good days where I can do some housework, go somewhere with my spouse or enjoy my children. I don't know about you but when I'm really hurtin I don't want to do anything or interact with anybody.So, where will we be this time next year? If the OD's go down I won't be sitting at my computer 'cause even with meds that starts to hurt too much after awhile. I guess we play the waiting game. turcica
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turcica
The only failure is not knowing how to be happy
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Edited by turcica (12/31/03 02:47 PM)
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Tiger47
Member
Reged: 08/23/03
Posts: 102
Loc: Georgia
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Hi Corrie,
I have been dealing with those same problems for years also. It is so hard. I've given up on a relationship with a man. I can't handle two kids a full time job and a relationship. I'm supporting two wonderful girls(who make me pull my hair out by the roots) by myself. I go to work every morning at 4:00am and work till 4:30 or 5:00pm. When I get home this computer is my only comfort. I can log on and read or post with people who can relate to my everyday problems and someone here understands. My kids get upset with me because I want get of the computer until I've read everything that has been posted for the last 24 hours.
I have TMJ and I'm scheduled for surgery in Febuary to correct it. My doctor will not prescribe anything stronger than Darvocet. He did laposcopic surgery a couple of weeks ago and I told the office that the darvocet wasn't helping the pain and they called in Ultram. I've been using OP's for a long time just to be able to stand myself must less my kids. They are so expensive so that adds another bill in the house for me to pay, but if it wasn't for Ops I wouldn't be able to work to support my kids. As far as a relationship with a man just makes me want to cry. No one understands the vicious cycle I go though to manage life. DB has been a god send for me, you guys understand, hell your in the same boat I'm in.
All I can say is to do whatever it takes to make life bearable and where you can live with yourself. And of course keep posting, it helps when you can talk to people who understand you.
tiger47
BTW If your husband halfway understands and supports your pain issues try to keep him around. Its so hard to find someone who understands or even cares about their other half being in pain and the need to stop the pain from controlling your life.
PSS Happy New Year and may god bless you!!!!
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yawkaw3
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 03/22/03
Posts: 1193
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Quote:
It's surprising just HOW much pain a person can live in yet still function. I know you all know what I'm saying. Again, my intentions are not to elicit sympathy, but I'm curious as to how everyone here handles their own unique situation. I feel like the pain is a huge roadblock to my life, and it keeps me at arms distance from just about everything that I used to love to do. Just getting up in the morning, getting dressed and off to work is like climbing Mt. Everest.
I think a big thing people without chronic pain don't understand is how you can possibly be in pain if you're getting so much accomplished. It really is a survival trait for a person to be able to do that. Just because I'm in severe pain, doesn't mean I have to be wincing, crying, or have a skyrocketing blood pressure. Chronic pain is so different than acute pain in that respect.
For me, it's having long-term goals (in my case, finishing med school) and short-term goals (if I make it through today and ignore my pain as much as I can, I'll treat myself to a donut and coffee when the day's over). I admit without my meds, I would be a complete wreck though. While what I get isn't fully adequate, they do make things a lot easier, and dramatically improve my quality of life. Short-term goals really do make a big difference, though- some days I can't even wait till the end of the day, I'll have to make it like, if I get through the first half of my day, I'll have a nice sit-down lunch, stuff like that. Also what helps me is knowing the alternative. If I wasn't doing what I'm doing, I'd be sitting on the couch all day, just being miserable with no end in sight to my pain. I figure if I have to be in pain anyway, why not at least do something meaningful to me.
One problem I have with opiates, is that after time, you just get lethargic on them. No more good feelings, just this weird blah feeling of not caring. That for me is almost as bad as the pain, not only do I have to fight off pain, now I have to realize that this numb feeling isn't me, it's the drugs I have to take to get rid of my pain.
Most women my age have no understanding of chronic pain, that's another problem I have. I guess a lifelong painful condition isn't terribly attractive. When they want to go out drinking, it's hard to explain how you can't mix alcohol with the pain medication you need to survive. I can't tell you the percentage of girlfriends I've given up on because they just didn't understand that I CAN'T "suck it up." I can't imagine what their friends and parents think of someone who needs narcotic pain medication to make it through the day. I know there are people who do understand, it just gets me down sometimes in the short-term.
Anyway, what is so nice about this board is that it's a virtual support group for people who do understand, and aren't going to judge you for it. I do know what you're going through, Corrie, it's really tough, sometimes it seems like there isn't light at the end of the tunnel, but there is, there has to be. We wouldn't bother if we didn't know deep down there was.
-yawkaw
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zeuzjuz
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 12/16/01
Posts: 1155
Loc: the milky way
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Wow, it's amazing how much those last few paragraphs about how hard trying to be social or meet new significant others is, when you are on daily pain meds... That is me, right now, to a tee.... Nice post YakYaw.
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//zeuzjuz
Edited by zeuzjuz (12/31/03 02:04 PM)
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Sky_Queen
Fly Girl
Reged: 12/03/02
Posts: 1962
Loc: Texas
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I agree - very nice post Yawkaw and unfortunately very true. Relationships are hard. My husband and I had an argument over the weekend and he called me a "drug addict."  Sad how the truth comes out when you're mad and how you hurt the ones you love the most. Those words will never be forgotten, and I know that's what he truly thinks of me. It really does help to listen to other folks going through similar situations, I know I'm not alone.
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Purple
Enthusiast
Reged: 07/15/03
Posts: 233
Loc: Midwest
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Every post I read including the original one hit home for me. I am/have been in every situation mentioned. I did not spend xmas day with my family (step-mother,her hubbyy & assorted step sis & bro's I have) The only "blood family" I have is my half brother from my deceased father and we are 11yrs apart. That's another long story for another post.
Anyway, this family does not know what I have been going thru with my migraines since Oct, only you here at DB and my hubby/doc's know. The family got mad cause I did not go there on xmas day. A nasty message was left on my answering machine after I left one stating we would not be attending. After that, I called a meeting this past Saturday for all my family, Everyone but 1 showed up. I took center stage and explained what's been going on with my migraines and now my TMJ. My sis in law who has migraines is the only one who can relate to that pain.)She helped me out and explained migraine pain and delibitation) Anyway, I think they all heard me and understood except for my step mother's husband (he is NOT my father nor my step father, my STEP MOTHER's husband) she was married to my dad until he was killed in 1980 & then remarried. His response was "so is this what makes your ugly twin come out?" I was thrown by the comment, but not shocked, knowing the way he is and his first wife was manic/depressive. I said yes, it's due to the depression I am going thru due to all this and more medical problems have cropped up that you all don't know about here cause I have not posted cause everytime I turn around there is something else wrong with me and I didn't want to bore you with the details.
I just wanted to chime in here to say that I am here for you and if you ever need an ear to bend, I am here.
Thank god I have an understanding (somewhat) husband, since he has never experienced the pain he really doesn't understand but he supports me and wants me to get better.
With all that said, "HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY NEW FRIENDS HERE AT DB!"" Thanks for always listening and support.
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Miss_EttiKit
Journeyman
Reged: 11/24/03
Posts: 68
Loc: Texas
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Mercy me - can I ever relate to everything that everyone has posted!
My dear Corrie, I have been exactly where you are now. Somehow, I survived, but it pains me to no end that my children's memories of me are ones of me being sick and taking pills. They are grown now and have children of their own, so they understand a little better what was happening to me while they were growing up. (Migraines mostly, but some of them lasted 30 days, and I was constantly sick in bed, throwing up. What they remember most is having to "be quiet - Mommy has another headache.")
Sky Queen - I'm afraid I'm going to be facing your situation very soon. My husband and I have been married 25 years, and like everyone, we've had our ups and downs. He's made the comment several times in the last few months about how much better things seem to be getting between us,... because... I'm so much calmer, easy-going, so much more loving, and willing to get out and do more with him. He has no idea that it's because I've finally gotten sufficient (for the most part) pain relief!!!! I'm terrified, because now it's time to do the taxes and he's going to see the credit card bills where I've been ordering from OPs. I've tried six ways to Sunday to find a way to tell him, but I just can't. (When we first got married, I was on diet pills and the term "drug addict" has been thrown at me, too.)
Yawkaw - for someone so young (relative to my 53 years, anyway) you have an incredible insight to things and you seem wise beyond your years. I always find your posts to be helpful, definitely well-informed, and friendly. Thank you for all the time you take to contribute to this board. I know how hard it is when you're in school - been there, done that. You hit the nail on the head about relationships, and the "flat effect" that comes from time spent on opiates. Unless you've been through it yourself, it's really hard to comprehend. And to you and Zeuzjuz, in all honesty, if my 33 year-old daughter was involved with someone who was "on narcotics" - well, shame on me/us, but the first thing we'd (her Daddy & I) would do is try to steer her away from someone "involved with drugs." THAT IS - that's what we would have done before I was injured and began living my life in pain, and on narcotics, too! (Amazing how one bad fall can create in you such empathy for others you once thought to be "weak" or who should just "suck it up" and "be strong.")
I'm so thankful to all who have posted on this thread. I've been trying to find a way to express some of these feelings for so long, and y'all did it for me. And very well, too!
And Corrie, you've already made a great start. You have goals, and you're doing what you need to do to achieve them. You have made the decision to "opt in" to life, instead of laying on the sofa, moaning, and letting life pass you by. As Yawkaw said, it's amazing what people who live with daily, chronic pain accomplish in their lives. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and the next thing you know - there you are! Ask for help from whomever you can, whenever you need it. And always remember that we're here for you, too.
Thanks to all of you, and Happy New Year to everyone! 
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"Ignorance in action is terrifying to behold!"
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Corrie
Board Addict
Reged: 07/16/02
Posts: 362
Loc: Southeast US
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I've read each and every one of your posts, and I feel, for the VERY first time, a part of a group. I have been feeling very alone for so long, just for the fact that others that are not in our predicament don't really understand - I know they may try, but it's hard unless you've been there.
Yawkaw, when you said that after awhile, the opiates make you lethargic and numb, that's EXACTLY what I've been experiencing for awhile. It's amazing how you put into words what I felt, as everyone here has. I guess it's a choice we all have, and making the choice to be happy with our current circumstances, however they may suck  , is paramount to living a productive life. Not taking those little things for granted and finding happiness in a rose petal or a blade of grass or a caterpillar inching along (now how corny is that??)  . But it's true. I think there is a certain appreciation that I didn't have before that I have now for those good days. Like the saying goes, you would never know what happiness was without the opposition.
You've all helped me more than you'll know. I'm going to cross my fingers that I can still find the relief in OP's, take a hiatus now and again to get the resistance down and employ other methods to help with the pain. I'm thinking about acupuncture. I have herniated disks, and have heard when the acupuncturist inserts the needles in the afflicted areas, 'stuff' will emerge from that place, i.e. the back. That will be fun to see.
I want to re-iterate, there is an abundance of wisdom, empathy and kindness here that I thank you so much for sharing with me. Every one of you will remain in my thoughts and prayers (and no party tonight, just the insominia).
Wishing you all well and Happy New Year's!
Corrie
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Sky_Queen
Fly Girl
Reged: 12/03/02
Posts: 1962
Loc: Texas
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I can totally relate Miss_EttiKit. I had pondered dozens of times to tell my husband the truth but he found out on his own by snooping through my email and found everything out. Initially, it was a disaster but in the long run it turned out to be a good thing. He still doesn't know the $$ I have spent, and hopefully doesn't find that part out, but it's definitely better having it out in the open. It was so hard to hide it from him and sweat getting deliveries when he was home. I hope at some point you can share it with him and he will be understanding and supportive of you. If not - you know we're all here for you.
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Pocahontas
Enthusiast
Reged: 01/28/03
Posts: 214
Loc: North
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I have found this old post/thread and brought it back because I find it an important issue.
Does anyone know your pain issues? Do you have anyone to talk to about your pain or meds? Does anyone know you use OPs?
I do not have understanding family or friends about my pain. They know that I used OPs in the past but know one knows that I still do....that I use telemedicine for pain control.
I have not found any doctors near my home that understand or will help me.
It's a great comfort to me to know that this board is here, full of help and understanding because I definitely do not have that at home.
Anyone else???
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~Princess Pocahontas
Aim for the moon, for if you miss you will always land amongst the stars ...
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