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Philidor1
Stranger
Reged: 05/03/04
Posts: 19
Loc: Heart of America
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About 20 years ago I was seriously depressed and being treated with antidepressants---Nardil I think, and Xanax. Well, at first I liked the Xanax. It seemed to always have a brightening and calming effect on me. But then I quit taking it, no taper. Forget why. (You know how those depressive episodes in your life have a way of vanishing from memory like a bad dream?)
Well, a few days later, I had a horrible attack of fear, that turned into terror. I felt an impending sense of doom, and a belief that I was going mad. I recall stumbling about in the parking structure of a shopping center, praying to Christ and Mother Mary and anyone else who might be listening to save me from what truly seemed like a Faustian descent into hell.
You know how in the Bible they said of a madman, "He has a demon!" Now I know they were more right than wrong. I could see people passing about me, but in a detached way, as if I were a ghost, in another dimension. And that sense of DOOM DOOM DOOM. I'm going MAD! It was like a scence right out of Edgar Allen Poe.
After maybe an hour of this I walked home somehow and, just on a hunch, (I had not yet made the connection.) I reached for the Xanax and swallowed the 6 or so I had left. Within about 20 minutes, the nightmare subsided. I called my shrink in a nearly hysterical state. He told me at the time that I had experienced a "pre-psychotic episode" but further research on my part convinced me that this is really a type of panic attack. Surely one of the worst experiences of my life.
But looking back, how much of it was self-induced, and how much of it drug -(withdrawal) induced? I agree with an earlier poster that Ashton Manual and book are well worth a visit to anyone stuggling with these issues. Her strategies for derailing these snowballing panic attacks are esp. valuable. But again, even she says that as many as half of people who quit benzos after long-term and/or heavy use do so with little or no real trouble. So go figure.
I still think that these drugs can be true Godsends for people imprisoned and crippled by their morbid fears. Just be careful when weening off of them.
Guess I've blathered enough for one day.
Phil
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Luca_Brasi
Enthusiast
Reged: 12/01/03
Posts: 262
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Quote:
My God every one please, please, please approach benzo tapering with the greatest of care. If you can find a doc who's worth a darn (oh brother) who cares anymore, it's best to do it under her supervision. For Christ's sake DO NOT stop benzos cold even if you've only been taking like the equivalent of 30 mgs of Valium a day for a year. I thought it would be cool to prove I was a big man and just quit taking them (after having taken them as prescribed above). It really did darn (oh brother) near kill me and my wife didn't know what to think.
This is so true, and everyone taking benzodiazepine's for longer than a month, should know just how serious the withdrawals really are.
Benzo's can be great drugs if taken for only a short period of time. For example, you lose a loved one and you take them for a few weeks while you grieve. Or you take one before you go for a dentist appointment. When you first start taking them, they are lovely. But if you take them for longer than 15 to 30 days, you may find yourself addicted. [ For me, in the first few months, I was able to quit without much trouble. But this changed after hard-core use .] After several months you need to double the dose to get that "peace" back. Eventually, the drug doesn't do anything for you at all. So you decide to stop. Or even worse, you run out and can't get anymore. Within two or three days you will begin to get very sick. Reality slaps you in the face and it hurts like hell. You can't sleep. Your thoughts become evil and you can not shut them off. You could be having deadly seizures and not even know it. The only thing you can do to help is taper off. Slowly and gradually reducing the dosage taken. I know for my self, that benzo w/d is worse than most any opiate w/d. All most all of the hard-core benzo users that I have spoken with, say the same thing.
If you have never taken benzo's, you should absolutely read this site before you do. TRANQUILLISER HELL STILL HAUNTS PATIENT AFTER 31-YEAR ADDICTION.
Some of you may already be taking benzo's. Before you ever try to stop , (or run out), you should be aware of the evil torment involved in benzo withdrawal. This web site has just about everything you need to know about benzo's and withdrawals. As stated in a previous post, it is best that you do this with the help of your doctor, if at all possible.
In any case, this is a subject that should never be taken lightly. When I started taking Xanax, I had no idea that it would be so hard to stop. So I truly hope this helps someone avoid the hell I've went through.
Take care.
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Listvoer
Old Hand
Reged: 01/14/04
Posts: 411
Loc: New America
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I'll give a "heck yeah!" (oh bother is right) to what the above couple of posters have said. I've been down that road and have been thrown into unintended w/d's from them (described above about as accurately as i can imagine, yet the horror truly can't be captured in words, like describing a rainbow to a blind person. An EVIL rainbow!), whether it was the first time when I just ran out and didn't bother to schedule for a refill because I didn't know better, to the times (more than once) that I ran out because the "best of plans" failed me and my expected orders from this op or that op didn't show up in time and I was forced to taper very quickly and still suffer w/d effects. I've been taking these things off and on for a decade or more and hate them with a passion, but it seems that at this point nothing takes care of my medical needs like benzos. My best suggestion to anyone considering useing them would be to try to use them as infrequently as you can, and try to get prescribed one of the less-addictive benzos such as bromazepam instead of xanax or ativan. None of them are fun to stop taking, but some are not quite as fearsome as others are. Ativan and Xanax were the worst for me, although a long-term smallish dose Valium usage was one of the worst quitting experiences in my life, far worse than any opiate w/d i've known, and that was from just taking 20-30 mg a day for a year or so, then tapering slowly down to 5 mg twice a day which sounded reasonable enough to me at the time (doesn't it always). When that "low" dose ran out after a lengthy taper, I still suffered from nearly every benzo w/d symptom in the book. Whatever anyone does, please go into it fully informed and aware, otherwise you may find yourself in a situation you don't understand, feeling more weird than you could ever imagine. I'm not insane, but I now think I have experienced a small dose of what that must be like. I sure thought I was losing my mind... for 2 weeks straight! That long diazepam half-life can be a blessing and a curse!
Take care everyone...
L
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Due to PM spam I rarely check mine so if you send me one, make sure to let me know...
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srw
Member
Reged: 06/17/04
Posts: 171
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i have to thank you guys for starting this post, 3 years ago i was diagnosed with cancer, had surgery, radiation, the whole deal, i was put on xanax to help cope, its been 3 years ive been on it, luckily i have a great doc who provides the pain meds and xanax i need, because 1 1/2 years ago i found out i had m.s. ...i know lucky me , im only a 38 year old man and feel 68, dont think i would make it without my meds, but my doc explained everything and said whenever i feel ready he will ween me as slow as i need, i just thank god i found him, but now i wonder what would ever happen if anything happened to him, i would be in big trouble, but i cant think that way, so again thanks for this info, i will be looking into weening at least lowering my doses, im on alot right now, and that could be trouble if i had to stop, just hard for those of us that rely on these meds, but anything is possible, i had a great dentist 2 years ago, young guy i really liked, and right in the process of a root canal i called for my last visit to finish it and he had retired and sold his business! and the new doc would not renew any of my meds ! lol, so thats when i learned anything is possible..sorry for the long post, thanks for listening, this is stuff i worry about every night. i kind of feel like an addict but i know i need these meds..ahh well what do ya do, hope your all well and painfree...srw
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