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kimbuka
Enthusiast
Reged: 12/14/03
Posts: 219
Loc: Midwest
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I had contemplated making my post on this issue because sometimes its hard to take the negative feedback when you are already hurting enough...but, I have a pretty good relationship with some of the users on this free board and really wanted to share, besides, I don't have any other type of support group. This story has been posted on the VIP board under "support". Please people, try to be a little sensative with me and this issue...I honestly can't say enough words to explain how horrified I was over this. Thanks.
***I didn't realize my daughter had such deep issues. I used to think "sure, she'll experiment, most teens do", "she has a good home, why would she bother with drinking or drugging", "she's just trying to get attention, she'll get over it and it will all be ok". Boy, was I fooled.
My daughter is 15 years old and this coming Tuesday she'll be going into an in-patient facility for 4-6 months to get help. I had no idea what she was really going through. I still don't know all of it. I knew she had gotten high before because she sorta told me. I knew she had slipped a few drinks before because she had told me and because, more recently, she had come home drunk a couple of times...in fact it seemed like everytime I gave her a little freedom from being grounded, she'd come home all messed up. I kept getting so pissed off at her. Was I soooo Best if kept off the board busy with my son's GH deficiency, my other kids in the home, my full-time job that was working me to shreds, my chronic pain, my marriage (which is good), the finances, that I was not paying her enough attention??? The answer to that was clear when I took her to the emergency room a couple of days ago because she had cut herself up. I quickly realized that other than being her mom and loving her, I was not qualified to give her the help that she desperately needed.
After a social worker evaluated her in the ER room, they told me that she wasn't "sick" enough to be admitted into an in-patient facility. I thought I was going to throw up!!! I asked if she needed to be near dead, bleeding to death, and overdosed in order for her to be "sick" enough??? And believe it or not, the social worker said "yes" and then said she was sorry. SORRY??? I am at the ER with my daughter trying to keep her from dying, what do you mean she is not "sick" enough??? I didn't know what to do. I was dying inside for my daughter and wishing I could help her with the hidden skeletons that she was fighting off. I never got so loud and cussed so much in an ER before until that day.
When we were released from the ER, I WAS able to take her straight over to a psych Doctor who was very nice and gave my daughter a very detailed examination/interview (I wasn't in the room). When the Doctor finally let me come in she told me that my daughter is very ill and needed to get into a "program" immediately. I was relieved and the Doc gave me several recommendations, and this Tuesday we have the intake to do.
My kid is really scared. We cryed together like never before. She told me she was doing anything and everything she could get a hold of. Alcohol, pot, cough medicine, cold medicine, downers, uppers, whatever there was for her to get her hands on. I had to come home and clean out all my cabinets, and not to leave her alone. I forgot to mention that a few months ago she cut her wrist with a piece of glass and got like 7 stitches...but I didn't see signs then either. I feel so dumb, and unattached. I thought I was doing a pretty good job as a mother considering everything I was tackeling on an every day basis.
I have tried my best to answer her questions about what she might need to expect in this place she's going. Does anyone else have any insight or experience with 4-6 month (all girls')in-patient facilities??? Or, maybe some input as to what I may need to expect or learn???
Much appreciated comments/suggestions/hugs/expertese/etc.
Kim
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oldnavy170
Board Addict
Reged: 05/12/03
Posts: 357
Loc: New York
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Wow, that has to be scary. Good thing you found someone to admit her.
I just don't understand doctors and insurance companies. Unless your DYING (physically) they won't do anything for you!!!!
You can never blame yourself for what has happened. People (teenagers,adults, etc) make their own choices. All you can do is help her through it and hope that she gets better.
I wish you all the luck in the world!!!!
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djshamrock
Journeyman
Reged: 03/19/04
Posts: 88
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My father is a child psychologist so I called him up and asked him what to expect. Basically she'll get on a steady plan of eating, making new friends and learing alot about herself and how to deal with her problems in a more constructive manner. But, each facility operates differently. At first they will probably put her in a very, very tight security watch for the first 3 days, no razors to shave her legs or anything. Then after a few days of observation they will put her into a lower risk group of people, they all get 5 smoke breaks a day, plenty of group therapy and possibly antidepressents. 3-4 months is unusually long though, I would only think a few weeks is all that they would keep her. then put her on some out-patient therapy. This isn't uncommon with teenagers out there either. It's kind of part of growing up nowadays.
Good luck and cheer up, this is a good thing that she's getting help.
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redhill
Banned. Flames, offending others
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 278
Loc: Hell on Earth, for now
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This is the extent of my expertise, being a former cutter myself.
In my life and that of others I have known this is not so much an issue of depression and suicidal tendencies or even a cry for help as it is an issue of self indulgence and control. This is not to imply that depression and suicidal thoughts aren't present - they may or may not be.
Remember I am only offering my own insight, my own opinion, I am not a professional, just offering a glimpse into the psyche of someone who's done the same.
It's almost as if the cutting is a substitute drug. In this day and age of substances being forbidden practically across the board, it could be seen as a means of altering your mind 'legally'. You have full control, it's your own body, and you're not taking a substance that anyone in a position of authority can keep you away from.
It doesn't even hurt - at the time. For some, it even feels good. It can feel like a relief, almost like taking a painkiller. The fact that you can do this, and feel anything is sometimes so good it is almost like a drug. For some, the idea that they do not feel anything is so terrible, that feeling anything, whether pain or pleasure, is a good alternative.
Lots of people grow out of this behaviour but they will need help doing it. Cutting can become something compulsive for a while. Later in life you just look at the scars and you feel embarrassed.
That's why I feel it is not 100 per cent a cry for attention. People who do this to themselves don't like to broadcast the fact to everyone. But attention is necessary anyway. In my case it was necessary just to get some recognition of the fact that I was alive and suffering too.
It's a sign there's a lot wrong, and the reasons are diverse. Many people hate themselves, or have a distorted image of themselves. Most of all, people who cut need love, encouragement, and they need to know they are safe, and to know they need not feel embarrassed or ashamed.
Reading back, I see I am not all that clear - I contradict myself a little. I think it IS a sign that you need to pay attention and offer help, but it is not necessarily a cry for one.
Just goes to show you how sensitive and tricky this topic is, just bringing it up is bringing up some confusing feelings here.
Judgement and blame should definitely not make an entrance here.
Anyway, I do wish you all the best in the world, and I hope you guys get the help you need.
Cheers,
Red
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sasi
Member
Reged: 03/12/04
Posts: 113
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I'm sorry that I cannot offer any advice but I wanted to tell you that I am sorry that you are going through this and I hope that everything works out in the end. You are a great mom for getting her the help that she needs. I've seen too many families try to ignore these things.
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elisaann
Stranger
Reged: 03/27/02
Posts: 11
Loc: AZ
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You and your daughter are doing the right thing. I'm sure the length of stay will depend on how she is doing and feeling. But at any rate, she is very lucky she has a caring family and you have the ability to find her a place for therepy and treatment. She will thank you for this someday if she has not already. I will be sending best wishes and lots of serenity your family's way!
Take care,
"E"
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Greycie
Old Hand
Reged: 07/08/03
Posts: 466
Loc: Pacific NorthWest
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Kim,
I read your story and nearly cried. My heart really, really goes out to you. I'm a mother myself, of a very bright, beautiful, talented 10 year old girl. Still, I realize that someday, she too could be going through mental turmoil and doing things that I would go to the Earth's end to help her overcome. Keep doing what you're doing. Your daughter needs your love and support- which you're clearly giving to her. This won't be easy on any of you (your daughter, your husband, your other children or yourself), but hopefully, in time, you'll all be stronger, closer and more aware. I honestly believe being aware if the first and most important step- and let her know every day, all of your children for that matter, how very much you love them.
I wish I could let you know what to expect, I can't. But, you all will most definitely be in my thoughts.
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"I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." - Voltaire
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want2bcalm
Member
Reged: 04/03/04
Posts: 126
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I pray for you and your daughter. Whatever pain our kids go through is the worst possible thing that can happen to us as parents. This is pretty awful but you are doing the best you can. Good luck and best wishes. This will take a long, long time to recover from
IMHO, she has some terrible real or perceived emotional pain so severe that she is self medicating. I say perceived because we as adults often fail to see how some little things like a bad boy situation or mean girls or failed tests or whatever it is could possibly lead to doing so much harm to ourselves. Remember, this is a kid and she is hurting. Gad, I hurt for you so much, too.
As far as the cutting goes...my take on that is that it is a kind of relief thing. The pain builds up so much that these kids really don't know what to do or how to handle their bad feelings and so they cut themselves and in a weird way it brings relief. It is similar to Bulimia only in that a person feels so bad about themselves and they figure heck, I'm so useless, ugly, rotten, whatever or I'm so stressed, upset, don't know how to handle my thoughts, etc that I will just eat & eat & eat & then throw it up.
Anyway, best of luck to you. Thank goodness there are professionals that can help her!
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kimbuka
Enthusiast
Reged: 12/14/03
Posts: 219
Loc: Midwest
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Thank you all so much...heres some update.
Well, after doing the intake today, she will definately be going into the facility for 4-6 months and will be moving there next week.
Today was awful. Her private intake took about 1 1/2 hours, and then I was finally called into the room. She had obviously been crying hard, and the intake guy looked at me with very concerning eyes as I sat down to listen.
When she was 7 years old, her and her brother lived with their dad for about a year...they were in Maryland and I was in Illinois. Everyday when I talked to them on the phone, they always sounded good, always said things were going fine. Well, they weren't. My daughter went on to say that her dad was always on the other phone line while they were talking to me and he would always be holding his fist up at them so that they wouldn't say anything wrong! She told me that he used to torture her and her brother (only a few times) and that he would beat up his girlfriend, and beat on their pets in front of them.
I thought, "Only a few times?", what do you mean "only a few times?" I had no idea that there was any sign of this happening. Even when I brought them back to live with me they never spoke of this. No wonder I've seen rage in them and depression. I just thought it was a part of whatever they were going through while growing up. TORTURE??!!
It gets worse. She said her dad's girfriend had a 21 year old son that was sexually messing with her...I felt my face on fire. I couldn't control my crying. Why would she hold all this in and not tell me? She said she didn't want ME to hurt. She said she was embarrassed. She thought she had done something wrong. OH MY GOD!!! I am so very glad that her dad is not within my reach. How could he put her through this? Why the he11 didn't he tell me about the kid that was fondling my 7 year old daughter??? And who the he11 did he think he was to torture our little kids?
Anyway, tomorrow she has to see a shrink to have medicine prescribed before she goes to the facility next week. In the meantime, I need to talk with my son (her brother, 14 years old) and see if he will open up to me like she finally did. He is on a waiting list to see a Doctor, but I am feeling that at this point I need to get him off the waiting list and explain that he needs to talk with a Doctor immediately....ya know what I mean? I don't want him to wait until something drastic happens to him. I feel more ignorant than ever before.
I'll keep posting. Looks like there is more to this than I could have ever, ever imagined.
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bmurphr1
Newbie
Reged: 04/07/04
Posts: 28
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Going into a behavorial hospital is the best thing that can happen for her right now. I'm not ashamed to admit it...I had to stay in a behavorial hospital here in town for Depression and Substance Abuse. During my streak of insanity (for lack of better words), I would consume any type of prescription pill I could get my hands on, just to escape from the harshness of life. A multitude of situations popped up at the same time, and it was just too much. I went from having a beautiful girlfriend for almost 2 1/2 years and having a great senior year in high school, to losing that first love, graduating and having no one left, and just feeling a void in my heart. For about a month, I binged on anything and everything I could get my hands on. My opioid tolerance went from 10mg of Hydrocodone to achieve euphoria, to needing 250mg. I remember one time ingesting 25 Hydrocodone 10/500s, and not even being able to feel the high. 250mg is enough to knock a horse flat on it's Best if kept off the board, let alone an 18 year old. I eventually woke up in the ER on a Thursday afternoon after waking up from an overdose of Soma. I had ingested 10 Somas, totaling 3500mg of Carisoprodol. If I didn't kill that horse with the hydrocodone, the Soma would have definitely done the trick. After being released from the hospital, I was then entered into a treatment program where I stayed for 7 days. And a year later, some AA meetings, and proper medication, I am a new being. I can still take Hydrocodone for pain relief to this day, as I have maybe 4-5 kidney stones a year...I just no longer feel the need to "escape reality." Depression is HARD to overcome, but it is oh so possible, and it's easily treatable too. Now I'm trying to earn my bachelor's degree in Nursing, and hope to become a Nurse Practitioner a few years down the road. The bottom line is that everything is possible...you just have to wish for the best. Not everything in life goes peachy, but it's how you handle it that counts. God speed.
Brent
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bmurphr1
Newbie
Reged: 04/07/04
Posts: 28
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Replying to myself...I just wanted to know that there is someone out there that has felt that same pain that your loved one is going through right now. I wasn't ever a cutter, nor did I consiously want to commit suicide, but I do remember times when I wish I had enough opiates to knock me out for the rest of eternity. I just have to say that narcotic opiates are very good drugs, not just to get high off of, but they are great pain relievers for all of the chronic pain sufferers out there. This is why I am devoting the rest of my life to pain management. I am going to strive to achieve a position where I can help people with legit pain problems with the medication they need. Being a former (albeit a very short length of time) addict myself, I'll have more of an 'eye' as to what the patient would most likely need for appropriate pain relief. After taking my last collegge course entitled "prescription medicine 2" I have enough knowledge of most common drugs prescribed to patients to this day. Of course I can't write prescriptons, because if I did I wouldn't have to order my meds through OPs. I just know that pain is 'deadly' for lack of better words. Pain can lead to depression, worsen of sicknesses, and so on and so forth; obviously which I know from experience. I look forward to be able to help people with the utmost care and respect my patients will deserve. Who would have thought a former addict on the virge of becoming a doctor himself writing prescriptions for patients. My thoughts and prayers are still with each and every one of you, as hopefully one day I can pay you all back with the same love and care you have given myself and so many other people on this board. You are truly cared for on this BBS. My time here has not been long, but it's not bound to stop any time soon...I guarantee that. Best wishes to everyone, especially the daughter going to treatment.
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kimbuka
Enthusiast
Reged: 12/14/03
Posts: 219
Loc: Midwest
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Another update***
On Wed. we went and took care of about 2 1/2 hours of paperwork. I felt like I was in that office all day long!
Later that day I had to go pick my little girl (she's 5) up from dance class which is less that 4 minutes away. I left my teen daughter at home. When I got back home (not more than 10 minutes later) she was gone. She had split. Me and my youngest drove around town (very small) looking for her and even made a couple stops and some of her friends that I know. She wasn't to be found. So, I went home and called the Police and made a report.
Then at 9pm she called, said she was stressed and needed to get out for a while. She blocked the phone number that she called from. Of course I asked where she was and to get home now, I also told her I'd called tha Police. She didn't listen she just hung up. I called the Police dept. and asked if there was a way to trace a blocked number because I don't have the service where you can hit *67 or *69 which ever it is to have the number repeated. So the police told me to hit a different code for tracing that goes directly to the phone company. Then I called the phone company but they were closed. I felt like I hit a dead end, again. A couple hours later I was in her room and found her journal that she writes in. Normally, I don't get nosey...I always felt that my kids deserved the privacy of being able to keep their own notes. Anyway, I read it. It was really disturbing. I couldn't believe how awful the things were that I was reading. How many times she had lied to us. How darned sick.
Anyway, around 1am the police called and said they were able to get the number from the trace through the phone company (which I didn't know because they were closed) they picked her up and brought her home. She had been drinking. She could care less what she had done. I was more angry than I had ever been and ended up doing something that I never do. I belted her. Like 4 times. Then I balled my eyes out because I felt worse than ever...like such a failure. Before she got the belt she was yelling and screaming and cussing me out and locked herself in the bathroom. And all this just escalated my anger.
Yesterday (Thurs) after seeing a psychiatrist, she was put on Zoloft. Hopefully this works for her.
Dear God, please give me the strength to get through this...
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Greycie
Old Hand
Reged: 07/08/03
Posts: 466
Loc: Pacific NorthWest
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Kim, I wish you the strength to get through this, both of you. You'll need it. And the wisdom to know what is the right path to follow. Can she be admitted to an inpatient program? Wasn't this the path you were headed down? I don't agree with the belting, but don't fault you for it, either. It is difficult to know what the right thing to do is and it is difficult to deal with escalated anger. She needs help and the type you cannot give to her alone. But she has to also accept she needs help and want to be helped. *You* are not the only one who is angry. She is very angry and she's expressing her anger clearly by her actions. But you cannot deal with this on your own. Be sure to insist upon professional help. I'm not sure zoloft alone will help her and to be honest, if she's self medicating by means of alcohol (a depressant) it's going to be counter productive to the zoloft.
Good luck to you.
P.S. Kim, she is a teenager who is dealing with so much right now- the pressures of being a teenager in this day and age alone are enough to make any child stressed out. Add to it hormonal changes and feelings of inadequacy and insecurities and that the world is out to get you... you've got something which can potentially be really explosive. Please do not take anything she says or does personally- she's reacting to her feelings and it's most likely not truly directed at you- you just happen to be the easiest and most convenient person to take it out on.
Again, good luck.
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"I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." - Voltaire
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sigmund22
Member
Reged: 03/23/04
Posts: 160
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 Re: BLINDED by how sick my daughter was...IS [Re: kimbuka]
#160300 - 05/07/04 01:48 PM Attachment (18 downloads)
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Kimbuka,
Having posted on the other side, you know that I give you unconditional support in getting through this and how it this treatment will help your daughter, you and the entire family.
From having been through this from the professional end, this period of waiting is one of the worst times for both of you. She's terrified of not knowing what it's going to be like and maybe feeling rejected (as mentioned in a previous post).
At the interview, the intake worker should have told you not to leave her alone during this waiting period. Adolescents are impulsive and instead of feeling scared, she bolted. That's so typical and why many of these programs are at ranch-like settings.
To help during the waiting period, does your town have a Mental Health Mobile Crisis Team that will help periods like this. Cities have them and they come out and mediate and help her establish some internal controls and can facilitate a family meeting.
Please don't blame yourself right now. The emotions are too charged between you and your daughter(added by what you found out about the lies, etc.). My suggestion is to try to keep things as calm as possible at home, keep an eye on her perhaps by doing family things and helping her pack and get ready.
You have the support of everyone here and you're reacting as any mother would.
Please count on your DB extended family for support 
Take good care
sigmund22
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Dyno
Journeyman
Reged: 03/23/04
Posts: 89
Loc: Washington
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Kim,
I agree with Greycie we always take it
out on the ones we love the most. I
have been reading your post from day
one I feel so bad for you and your
daughter I have been speechless.
Wondering what to say to make your
pain go away. I know you will make
it you are a good mother and are
getting help for your daughter. My
heart goes to you and your family
take care. D.
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Wishing all pain free days D.
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kimbuka
Enthusiast
Reged: 12/14/03
Posts: 219
Loc: Midwest
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Not much to say, just that we are now done with all the "before" process of getting her into the facility...and now I'm told we are waiting for a bed to open. But was told that it wouldn't take too long for that to happen. UGH.
I haven't been to work for 2 weeks now because I was told not to leave her alone. And, of course when I did last Wednesday for about 10 minutes she had split (this story was explained above).
Anyway, even though its hard to deal with knowing my girl will be leaving for a good amount of time, the waiting seems hard. She hasn't done anything foolish since last Wednesday (she hasn't been left alone) we still have been butting heads almost everyday.
Dear God, I miss my (years ago) little girl.
Thanks for listening.
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kimbuka
Enthusiast
Reged: 12/14/03
Posts: 219
Loc: Midwest
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Well, yesterday I got a call first thing in the morning that the facility had an open bed. So, me and my daughter packed up her things and headed out.
We stopped on the way to have lunch with my husband (her step-dad, they are VERY close) and so they could say goodbye.
The place seems like a good place. We were given a tour and then did all kinds of paperwork. Then, of course, we had to say goodbye ourselves.
I'm sorry everyone, but these words are gonna sound like a bunch of whining. And its true, I am whining, and crying, and I miss her. Everytime I think about her I start balling. I went into her room a couple of times, layed on her bed, and just cryed. I don't feel like "you're doing the right thing", I don't feel like "this is the best thing", I feel more like "This is an aweful price I have to pay". Can anyone relate? Why is it that the best things in life for our children feel like the absolute worst thing I've done? I know that everyone around thinks its the best, and I know they are doing and saying good things to make me feel better, but I'm here to tell you it hurts more than I could have ever imagined. I won't be able to see her or talk to her for 10 days. I can only pray to God that she doesn't hate my guts for doing this. I mean, yes she did want the help, but I'm sure she must be feeling some sort of emotional abandonment on my part. And will she ever know how much I truly love her? Will she ever know how much this is killing me?
My other 2 kids in the house are trying to adapt too. Her 5 year old sister that worships the ground she walks on, and her 14 year old brother who is wondering how this could happen to his sister.
Anyway, I just wanted to update and let you all know that inspite of how bad I feel, I am ok. I think I'll be going back to work tomorrow, finally. I'm hoping that helps. Although I know everyone there will be asking all kinds of questions, and every time I think of her I can't control my tears.
Well, thanks anyone and everyone for listening to my blabber.
PS; I know that this sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself...but its true, I am. But, I'm just not great at trying to be the "strong" one all the time.
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joesentme
Journeyman
Reged: 08/26/03
Posts: 94
Loc: USA
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Kimbuka,
At the risk of sounding like everyone else, you DID do the right thing. I have two daughters, 20 and 22, and when I was in your situation I was too much of a coward to do the right thing, so they ruined my marriage, broke apart my family, left me an emotional and physical mess, and still walk all over me to this day.
I only wish I had your courage!! I truly admire you!
J
PM me if you feel like you want to talk.
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tb1218
Member
Reged: 09/19/02
Posts: 171
Loc: indiana
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Kim, I've been following your posts but have not responded until now since youre situation reminds me so much of what I went thru with my daughter. At age 15 she changed into an angry, depressed, violent girl who used to be sweet and kind. The things that she would scream at me for no apparent reason, she blackened my eyes and broke my glasses, and I was treated for uterine cancer she told me she hoped I would die from it. For the first time in my life I slapped my daughter over and over and the guilt ate me up later, but her behavior didnt change. I knew I needed outside help but was embarassed and have raised her by myself since she was 3 mos old and somehow felt I was to blame. Through counseling she was first diagnosed bi-poplar and was uncooperative but was put on Zoloft and everything escalated, I couldnt get her to go to school and put her in an alternative school where the kindest school counselor led me in the right direction. I actually sought help for myself and found a doctor she finally opened up too, they changed her medication and it was then I found out she was experimenting with marijuana and ecstasy and mushrooms. I was shocked being a child of the 60s I thought I would recognize drug abuse. Anyway she didnt go to an impatient program but had counseling and wonderful teachers and the new medicine Celexa was working and she was staying off the drugs. She is now almost 21 and although she has moved away, I have become her best friend. She also has hypothyroidism and was not taking the proper dosage which added to the angry outbursts. Now she is off of antidepressants and her doctors dont believe the initial diagnosis of bi-polar was correct they said she was clinically depressed. I think Ive wrote this out of order somewhat but so much happened in those couple years and so much pain. But one thing that I remember that a counselor said to me that I will never forget is: "When she say I HATE YOU...cus...etc" thats because she actually loves you the most because she knows you really do love her unconditionally and will never give up on her" It helped me quite a bit because, I was full of self blame and guilt, I cried daily, lost a lot of weight but after I heard that I believed it because we as mothers never do give up on our kids. My heart goes out to you but I truly believe that your daughter will come to see you as her best friend someday and she WILL be grateful in the end, it's just that it doesnt happen overnite. I am so proud of my daughter now and actually hate thinking of those times because thats not who she is, and I believe that of your daughter too, you will see the real girl soon. Best wishes to you and your family!!!! You are a great mother!!!
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sigmund22
Member
Reged: 03/23/04
Posts: 160
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Dear Kim,
Having posted a few times to support you along the way, just want to agree with the above posters that you did the right thing. The fact she didn't run away during the highest risk time (waiting for a place) indicated that she wanted to go. You've gotten through the worst in terms of decision-making and now the family can grieve her not being with the family In the bigger picturem, it helps all of you to have this brief separation for her to work through her issues and for your family to have some time to re-bond. You'll all emerge stronger.
Please feel free to pm me if you have any questions about the facility or any aspects of the treatment plan.
So sorry you're going through the feelings of loss, guilt, but you can feel very positive about yourself for going through something so difficult.
Take good care.
sigmund22
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jmayeux79
Journeyman
Reged: 03/02/04
Posts: 76
Loc: Louisiana
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Just wanted to send some hugs your way. I too have been through some of what your daughter is going through now, and I just want to let you know often times there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'd like to share my experiences, having been there. When I was 15, I just changed. I changed from the fun loving, kind, sensitive girl into a very violently emotional, depressed, and negative person. At age 18 I started cutting on myself, abusing the xanax I was perscribed, and was suicidal. I was in a treatment facility about 5 times. (2 week stays each time) My family background wasn't the worst, but did have to deal with an alcoholic father and also a very traumatic break up with my first love. (Which back then, my first love was EVERYTHING to me.) I had always been prone to mood swings, and have probably tried every antidepressent out on the market. But still, it did take time. Keep in mind, I was not in the mindset to take control of where I wanted to go. I blamed my emotional state on everyone but myself. When I first met the man that became my husband, he was the first person who was able to see through my mind games and manipulative tricks. (These I did for emotional support.) While we were dating I almost lost him because I was the way I was. But honestly, one day for me it all snapped! Everything I had been through-- the treatment facilities, the loss of friendships, my emotional distance from my family and friends, and all of that made me realize that I CAN and MUST help myself! It was like enough is ENOUGH! I realized my thinking patterns were distorted and if I did not change my attitudes and behaviors, I would just lose everyone I cared for. So I forced myself (trust me this part was hard for me) to turn around the way I thought and to use my brain to fight this! I did this without antidepressents and was able to become happy and content at age 24. Now at age 25, I have finally found an antidepressent (Wellbutrin) that truly works well for all my diagnoses (bi-polar, generalized anxiety disorder, and ADD) and has given me an extra boost to bring me back to where I once was. I suffered from this depression for 10 years and now I can honestly say that I am truly content and happy with my life. I have so much hope for the future and have my career and life planned out! I have a wonderful husband and one year old son who are my heart!
I must say too, if I had the opportunity to be in a 4-6 month program like your daughter, that perhaps the positive results that I needed would have come to me sooner. The treatment plans my parents put me through were just too short, thanks to our insurance. But know that as a young woman, like your daughter grows and matures, that she will eventually settle if her desire is to be happy and successful. From your posts, it sounds to me like she does really want the help, and I commend you for being the best mother you can be! Let her know that she is strong and that with her mind she can fight this! The medications and therapy sessions will help her too, but happiness starts with your will to be so.  Sorry if this post is really long, but your daughter's situation really hit home for me. I know that both you and her can get through this, and just look forward to the good times ahead that you will share! Adolescence is so hard, but luckily it is only temporary! Best of luck to you! You will get through this!
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buey
Old Hand
Reged: 01/15/03
Posts: 453
Loc: USA
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Kimbuka,
Just want to say a couple of things. First of all, my prayers go out to you and your family.
Also, you are a wonderful mother. I often wished that my son came with a manual. He has some serious issues with ADD and severe anxiety disorder, and he is only nine. It's been very difficult for all of us, but we are finally getting him the help he needs and deserves.
Know that you are doing the right thing and you are doing a good job with your daughter. I know things are tough now, but you are getting her the help she needs, and she WILL get better. This to shall pass. Just hang in there.
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