DrugBuyers.Com: BUP INJECTION AND FREAKIN OUT! HELP PLEASE

You are not taking NEARLY enough bupe. Like I said in the other thread, you gotta stop messing around with self-treating your own addiction and get some professional help. You called 2 doctors- call 10 and leave messages, what harm is there in that? I don't know where you live, but so what, you have to drive an extra hour? What difference does an extra hour make compared to the potential benefit?

You did not give bupe a shot- you gave it a shot that was destined to fail, even if you didn't know that. .6 mg is crazy, you should be on 8 mg IMO (and that's 8, not .8- multiply by 10).

My advice at this point:
1) Call at least 8 more doctors and leave messages. Ask them about pharmacies or find out if a nearby pharmacy can order it, then possibly the refills could be called in for you if you need it to be that way. Make it clear that you will be in wd soon and need treatment ASAP, keep making that point, you may find a very compassionate doctor who will get you in last-minute. Don't be pessimistic about that if you haven't tried.

2) Type up a list of all the bad things hydro has done to you- forget the good things. Print this out and keep it in your pocket. Be brutally honest with yourself, someone has to look at for number one. Refer to this when you inevitably think "yeah, there were bad times, but I really wanna just get high- how come no one understands that?" Plenty of people understand that, they're your fellow addicts, even if they don't openly say it- they want to get high too. They've just developed some coping skills that got them clean time and made the cravings et al. better each day.

3) There is no such thing as "one last high" so don't be tempted to achieve one, before or after you get treatment. Make it through until you get the doctor's appointment. You will get high anyway because you want to "get it all out" but that will never happen. Once you adopt a treatment plan, don't give it up in exchange for a high you were barely getting in the first place that caused so much havoc- one high is all it takes to do that, ask ANY addict.

4) Speak with your Sub doctor about maintenance- forget detox. Stay on it and readjust to a better life in the real world. You MUST have adequate dosing, I cannot stress that enough, it makes all the difference in how successful the drug will be.

5) If Sub *honestly* isn't working for you and be very honest with yourself, get on methadone detox- don't stay on methadone too long. You need some discipline to do this, as Trampy pointed out, but you have to do something other than live the life you were previously leading that was only going to get worse.

6) If methadone fails you, go to inpatient rehab and stay as long as you need. For some people, this is truly the only way- let's hope it doesn't come to that. I myself don't think it will- I think Suboxone/Subutex will work for you and bupe is the answer, you just have had inadequate dosing schedules.

7) If inpatient detox fails you, admit that you are not ready to get C&S (Clean & Sober). Get on methadone maintenance or buprenorphine maintenance (preferably, as you don't want to get a worse addiction). Go seek the best mental help you can find- you need at the very least a drug counselor to see regularly. A PhD'd psychologist specializing in additiction is better IMO.

Btw, if you intellectually want to quit, but can rationalize or just don't care and want to get high anyway, realize that the addict brain is closely linked to primal urges. Give yourself a break and admit you have a disease. It will take time for things to get better- just worry about today, screw the past and screw the future, just keep things up for today. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow and die, the future isn't here yet, nor can you change the past.

8) If all else has failed, get back on hydro and wait to bottom out. Expect to be on stronger, more expensive drugs and struggling uncontrollably. Eventually the bottoms will reach their final bottom and you will have no other way to go but towards sobriety. Who knows what shape your life will be in at that point if you're even still alive, but maybe you'll have no other choice but to get clean. PLEASE do everything in your power to avoid letting it get to this point- withdrawal gets progressively worse each time, you need to be proactive.

I hope that helped. Also realize that as an addict, you are very instant-fix oriented. Welp, there is no instant gratification when it comes to quitting addiction, and that's quite a big trap of the disease. You will need to give up on the idea that it's possible to get out of this loan of borrowed good feelings without paying interest- ain't gonna happen. Just don't keep borrowing more, and pay off the interest quickly at first so you feel better later. It WILL get better- that I promise you.

You may PM me any time you want to talk about this. I'm sorry if this post sounded harsh, but you are headed down a bad road and I can't just give you a "awww, you have my sympathies, let's cry together" post- ethically I can't do anything other than try to reinforce and get across to you what you need to do for yourself.

Good luck!

-yawkaw