mermaid72000
Member
Reged: 01/19/04
Posts: 125
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well folks i stuck to my taper schedule with hydro and have not had any for 2 days, feeling weird but i am ok. the nighmare is my husband who has had a heroin problem and alcohol problem in the past got injured and they gave him hydro. he has probably taken 150 pills in the past 3 weeks and actually asked if he could buy one from me. oh it gets better, well the dr's in this town do not script and he is done as far as they go, so he will probably beg someone he knows at work or try to buy it. now i have 2 refills left on my script and hydro is just not happening for me anymore, we are not talking AT ALL. he does not get the fact his whole personality has changed and i am now the drug addict and bad one. he is totally paranoid i will try and take his pills which i know for a fact he now has none. he is on parole and his po called yesterday becuz he forgot to go to his appointment, he has never forgotton that before!! he took all i had to sit him down and tell him about my taper beucz he was in prison when i started taking hydro 3 months ago for a injury at work. WRONG !!! he said he would help me but it has been a nighmare becuz i felt like i had to hide what i was tapering off of or he would take it. he has not used heroin for over 10 years but i would have more respect for him if he said these pills are a problem oh he did one day and the next day i am a evil witch for even saying he was developing a problem, so i am not the type of woman to sit by and watch someone screw themselves for a hydro. oh he carried his hydro to the po to PROVE he was ok. this is a 40 year old man who knows what he is doing and now that i am on to him i am a evil witch. ok i take that title becuz he can find his own pills, pay his bills, and get violated himself. he thinks he can charm , manipulate, and con everyone with his way, but this time it took 5 months to see that a leopard doesnt change spots, is that the right saying? i have been taking the valuables out of the home at night and will probably be totally gone in a few days. he is not a bad man, he just has bad bahavior and i at 46 will not go down becuz he is trying to drug seek. i have always stood by him but there comes a time when you are not a victim, but a volunteer. thanks for listening
carol
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misspiggy
Journeyman
Reged: 02/02/04
Posts: 80
Loc: North Idaho
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Hello there, I just read your post and I wanted to tell you to stay strong! You sound like a very good person and I am sure you can get through this.
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Lisa1967
Member
Reged: 10/29/02
Posts: 123
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Oh Carol,
I am SO sorry you are going thru this Opiod pain pills have basically the same affect as herion-they are just legal for a a junkie to abuse It's people like your husband(and MINE),who give people like us,who truly NEED these pills,a bad rep. I am glad you ARE taking your valuables-it will go a long way towards regaining your independence,and your self-respect after you finally do leave.
Feel free to PM me any time-and please,be careful
Lisa
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D2003
Member
Reged: 12/12/03
Posts: 193
Loc: Texas
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Until he changes his behavior, for himself, there is little you can do. First he has to admit he has a problem, a really bad problem. Until that happens, it is probably best not to be around him for a while. (As in don't tell him where you are going.) Eventually (I hope) he will see he has a problem and seek the right kind of help. And getting more drugs is not the sort of help he needs. If he ever does get clean, it will still take a long time for the trust to grow between you again, but until then....You truly are doing the best thing you can. Both for yourself AND him as well.
My first marriage was with an alcoholic woman. Wasn't such a big thing seeing I was pretty much one myself at the time. (Very early 20's.) When I did finally sober up, I realized just how much rubbish I'd been putting up with, and after several long talks, finally left her. To my knowledge (some 20 years later) she is still drinking to the point of being legless most nights. I managed to save myself, but I doubt there is any saving of her. She doesn't even see that she has a problem.
If it has gotten to the point of you leaving, then that may well be the best thing for you. If there is anything human left in your hubby, it may well be the kick start HE needs to recognize he has a problem with drugs, and do something about it.
Just my couple of pennies worth.
D2003
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Dove
Stranger
Reged: 06/10/03
Posts: 3
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You're walking toward the light. He's the one in a nightmare. At least your eyes are opening. Keep up the good work. Stay safe and God Bless. Keep us posted.
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sigmund
Member
Reged: 07/29/03
Posts: 181
Loc: Vienna
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Carol,
I'm so sorry to see the turmoil you're experiencing. I read your earlier posts to try to get a sense of the bigger picture. It comes out so clearly that you're a strong woman and see that you have choices. You were able to choose to go into inpatient benzo detox and now you're able to choose to go on a scheduled taper off of the hydro. You are competent in finding a record-required OP to get pain relief, esp. living in an area where the docs don't prescribe opiates. You are able to see when you have a problem and find a solution.
It sounds as if your major issue now is whether you want to stay in the marriage. You're in a vulnerable state try to taper and he's psychologically abusing you and wants you to enable his drug using again. As you said so clearly, if he doesn't get the hydro from you, he'll go out and buy it.
Then you'll have a substance abuser and as the cravings increase (more quickly b/c his brain has become re-wired to develop opiate tolerance) your relationship will more of a nightmare than now. If you feel strongly enough to stay in this relationship, I recommend couples counseling.
If you want to leave, there are a lot of resources to get the help YOU need. Ending relationships are always difficult but sometimes for best - - before they have to end.
If you stay with him under the present conditions, and he wears you down for the meds, you will be breaking the law since controlled substances are legally only for the person to whom they're prescribed. Your life with him will focus on his drug seeking. Will you get any support from him in your taper and your efforts to help yourself? These are all very difficult questions that you will have to struggle with. You could benefit from individual counseling now to help sort through your feelings and get some support.
If you have any questions or need resources, feel free to pm me. Just remember that you are strong and you have choices and have shown the ability to follow through.
You can use this board for support. It helps to vent and get feedback from people not directly involved.
Take good care of yourself
anna22
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how can you tell the Dreamer from the one who dreams the dream?
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mermaid72000
Member
Reged: 01/19/04
Posts: 125
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thank you for your support. my taper is finished and there are no more hydros in the house, i feel like i really tapered too quickly however i know this too shall pass, i feel awful and all the other drama is just as bad. he asked me last night if i had any and i truly do not. so i know his little nighmare is going to get worse before it gets better. he has sat down in a humane way and described his heroin nightmare to me, i just do not understand why he allowed himself to play in this jackpot. its like know the rules of the game before you play. i know the first time i took hydro and its a game you wont win, why do we always do the same things and expect different results? the 2 times i have been injured i knew from the get go the consequences of taking this very strong drug. i had no idea that being honest about my taper and him starting to use hydro would divide our house. I was diagnosed this week with coxsackie virus really really bad flu, nothing to take for it, then this taper and we all know the physical things so a double whammy physically and he is like i dont love you and i should move. sorry to ramble on so long but i have gone thru more this week than in the entire last year and it wears ya down
thanks to all you
carol
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misspiggy
Journeyman
Reged: 02/02/04
Posts: 80
Loc: North Idaho
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I hope you have family and friends around to support you! You can pm me too if you need someone to talk to.-Tawnya
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sigmund
Member
Reged: 07/29/03
Posts: 181
Loc: Vienna
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Carol,
Sorry to hear you have a virus now - - it's been quite a week for you. Strongly suggest you take time to recover fully from virus and let your body get used being off the hydro.
It sounds as if you had a productive talk with your husband in learning more about his former addiction. It can help you to understand where he's coming from better; however, sounds as if he needs his own help (AA, Rational Recovery or an individual counselor).
Since you don't need any more stress while you're sick, this would be a good chance to talk to him about the fact you'd like some time to yourself (ie., stop the psychological abuse and med-seeking). Then you can work out plans for yourself and prepare for moving out - if that's your plan.
Please keep us posted on how you're doing. Take good care of yourself
anna22
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how can you tell the Dreamer from the one who dreams the dream?
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daddyj
Board Addict
Reged: 02/06/03
Posts: 367
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I just wanted to chime in with my support and best wishes. I understand how difficult it can be to walk away from the one you love like this. In fact, I have seen it too many times.
Stay strong and take care,
daddyj
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Misty morning, clouds in the sky
Without warning, the wizard walks by
Casting his shadow, weaving his spell
Funny clothes, tinkling bell
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PrivateRealm
Threadhead
Reged: 03/18/03
Posts: 879
Loc: usa
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I can't say much because only you knou exactly how you feel. But my husband is an alcoholic, sober now 3 months, but i have been through some S#!T. I really feel for you and I know exactly what you mean about the point where you just can't enable anymore. In fact the book Codependent No More helped me out tremendously. If you need an ear, feel free to PM me. Good luck, and bless you.
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KeriAnne~~~
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take - but by the moments that take our breath away."
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mermaid72000
Member
Reged: 01/19/04
Posts: 125
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thank you all for your replies and support. i am physically doing much better, went to pcp who gave me meds to stop the intense pain from the stomache part i was experincing. my hubby has done a 360 degree change. he is like a totally different person now that the hydro is gone. they denied a script for him and in this town a small town there is no way to get it. i think he scared himself by his completely crazy behavior and friday he will get a cortisone shot for his pain and that is it. take it or leave it. i am concentrating on myself getting well and can eat again and feel stronger. he is almost shocked that he behaved like that but being shocked is not enough what are you going to about it. i am taking a day at a time. my blood pressure got to 210/140 and that was enough for me to get scared. i am on good medicine now no narcotics and its amazing what a good nites sleep and some chicken soup will do sometime.
thank you all for being here
carol
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