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treetp
Journeyman
Reged: 04/08/03
Posts: 54
Loc: mountains-NE
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Am I missing something? Isn't Lisa asking about what to do re her husband and his addictive behavior? Geeez, she seems to be really hurting, and some of you are jumping all over her! Isn't DB supposed to be a place where we offer support? Can't people count on us to try to understand and not judge? You used to be like that. Please back up and stop worring about who said what, and just offer your ideas and support to this woman, please!
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dwelling in silence brings peace
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Lisa1967
Member
Reged: 10/29/02
Posts: 123
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He was on 1 mg,4 TIMES a day  And he kept going in& telling this dr he didnt feel right,and the dr just kept giving him more,quadrupling his dose in the past year 
Yawkaw,check your pms-I was in NO way referring to YOU in my post Yes,I am letting him back in because HE wants to be here-not because I think it's good for me,OR him.But-what are ya gonna do
Thanks again all,
Lisa
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Dasani
Enthusiast
Reged: 10/29/03
Posts: 286
Loc: FL
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Quote:
Am I missing something?
gl,
To answer your question, YES, DEFINITELY! Everyone that posted on this topic was only trying to help Lisa, not point the finger at her. It is obvious that she is distraught over her situation and we are all trying to sypathize with her and offer possible solutions to her problem, not blame her. Apparently, she took something that was said out of context, but no one can figure out what it was that upset her (aside from her situation)! Nevertheless, Lisa still has a problem and bickering back and forth is not going to resolve it. So, Lisa, as everyone has said, you have to do what is best for you and your family, we can't tell you exactly what to do unless we were in your shoes right now. That being said, we are all trying to be as supportive as possible and will do whatever we can to help. Once again, I wish you the best of luck and ask that you to please keep us posted on your progress.
C
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SunnyQ
Stranger
Reged: 12/21/03
Posts: 7
Loc: SE
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This is my first post, but I do have some info that might be helpful to you, Lisa. Get the books Codependent No More and Beyond Codependency by Melodie Beatty. These are excellent books dealing with codependent relationships. It explains how to set boundaries within a relationship, how to not enable someone, and so forth. I have used these books countless times, and they have helped me tremendously. From what I understand about your situation, these books should be able to guide you through this tough time. I truly sympathize with what you are going through, having been there myself. I hope this helps.
Suzy
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[E & S /color]
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L5s1
Stranger
Reged: 05/22/03
Posts: 12
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Lisa,
You may also get some hands-on support by going to Al-anon or Nar-anon meetings. You will find plenty of people dealing with the same issues---spouses or "significant others" dealing with addicts/alcoholics. My secretary is going through the same thing you are right now with her husband, and she goes to a meeting every day at lunch--it clearly helps her tremendously. Healing your husband may not be possible, but healing yourself IS possible. Hang in there; you are not alone.
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yawkaw3
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 03/22/03
Posts: 1193
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Btw, Lisa and I discussed this and "made up" so to speak in a PM, she wasn't referring to me either and now that she pointed out to me who she meant, I understand her point.
I think the Narc-Anon idea is a great one. If cash/insurance allow, a therapist is probably a good idea for both of you. I dunno if you're beyond marriage counseling at this point...but he needs a drug counselor, and it might very much help you to have someone to help you through these tough times. Couldn't hurt to also look through Amazon.com and pick out a few books on dealing with this as well.
Again, best of luck to you and your husband. Let's hope this passes quickly.
-yawkaw
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tray1
Enthusiast
Reged: 11/22/03
Posts: 241
Loc: US
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Wow this has definately gone from one end of the spectrum to the other, In my opinion I think Lisa is hurting, I know how it feels, I have been there first hand. Second the posters that "seem" to be hard on her are not accusing her of anything they just know how bad the withdrawal from Xanax can be and the severe impact going cold turkey can be in regards to his (her husband's helath) they CAN be fatal. I think that was the point being made, I think they were just trying to get the point accross to Lisa that this is VERY serious and that concern may have been taken out of context which is very easy to do with the written word.
Lisa,
Please try to remember that most people on this board have had first hand experience with various medications and that is why they are comming accross they way they are, believe me no one is trying to discount or down play your feelings, It just plain sux to be in your situation and I think everyone would aggree that we know you are not the bad guy here, and that you have been put onto an emotional roller coaster, but what they seem to be trying to get accross to you is the extreme situation your husband is in, that cold turkey detox can be FATAL. And I think that may be coming accross to you wrong, they are concerned that you are not aware of the concequences, not that you are in any way a bad wife, If you were, you certianately would not be here looking for advice!
As I have stated in this and my previous post, I have been there I know how you feel, unfortunately you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. You obviously love your husband very much or you would not have put up with an ounce of what you already have. But the one thing I can definately tell you is this, You HAVE to put you and your childrens well being before anyone else's, I know because I had to make that same decision and there is NO easy way to do it. Is it possible for your husband to stay with a family member? preferably a household where there are no children? He really needs to do this for HIMSELF, if he is not doing this of his own free will, it will not work. I also agree that he needs to taper down with another benzo, that is the only safe way for him to get out of his addiction, as far as I know there is no substitute medication or magic pill, the only way is to taper.
Lisa, this is a good board with alot of really supportive people, there will always be a few jerks in the mix but 99% of the people here are legit and will give you the best advice they can. My thoughts are maybe you posted looking for support for your self, to vent your feelings, maybe get some words of encouragement and what you got was a barrage of people comming on strong about the dangers of your husband dropping xanax cold turkey.......It was done out of concern, not to degrade you in anyway, but I think that what most people overlooked was that fact that you are in turmoil right now, but plain and simple they saw the imminent danger to your husbands health and that was why they posted as such. Try to keep your chin up and your wits about you, this is his addiction and he needs to fight it all you can do is support him, inform him, and hope he makes the right decisions, for now you have to do whatever it is in your heart you decide is right for you and your children. What your future holds remains to be seen, I do hope that it is a happy ending and that you get your old husband and your children get their old daddy back. I am in your corner, if you need me I am here......... 
Tray
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Lisa1967
Member
Reged: 10/29/02
Posts: 123
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Thank you,
every one of you who responded,thank you! I just wanted to update you all,as you were all SO caring& concerened,not just for my husband,but for ME as well. I come to post at DB for a reason,because I am a chronic pain sufferer,and I can relate to ALL of you out there in PAIN
My husband is back to his OLD self again-clean,sober,and,believe it or not,serene  He has been going to AA mtgs,and just yesterday,signed up for some drug counseling. About 2 mos ago,I bought him some AA books off amazon,and he JUST started reading them. This is a HUGE relief to me,as I didnt want to throw him out(again),and put my kids thru even more turmoil.The past months have been horrible for them,me,and hubby
As far as his job goes,he can go back to work after Feb 20th,but his reputation is shot He feels humiliated,ashamed,and mortified that things have gotten to this point. But-I keep reminding him,he ALMOST lost his job,he ALMOST lost his family,and he ALMOST lost his life-but he didnt.He is alive,his family is here,and his job is waiting for him.If HE chooses he cannot continue to work under scrutiny,he will find another job. But for now,WE are taking it one day at a time,one step at a time,and I have to believe we made it thru this H&ll on earth for a reason
I am STILL very angry at this dr for giving him so much Xanax-My God-8mg a day,and a man is supposed to drive for a living?? And function at home?? It completely changed his personality.However,that doesnt excuse HIM from all the pain his drug abuse has caused me. I may never fully trust him again-but I can definitely give him another shot at US,as long as he is clean& sober!
Thanks all,
Lisa
Ps.I hope you are feeling better Yawkaw
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537
Threadhead
Reged: 12/08/01
Posts: 766
Loc: west coast CA
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Though I have not posted in this forum to you, Lisa, I have followed it and really felt your pain. I am sooo happy to hear things are turning around for you and your family. It sounds like you are going to be a success story, and that is something to be proud of. Hopefully this troubled spell will only make your relationship and family stronger. Best of luck to you.
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Reel_X_4U
Enthusiast
Reged: 04/24/03
Posts: 255
Loc: Queens, New York City
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Hi Lisa,
I know exactly what your husband is going through, been through it myself, if fact I posted a thread in this very forum about "XANAX WITHDRAWALS", and it seems like he's going through exactly what I went through and possibly he also withdrawing from multiple meds at the same time, which can explain why some of the symptoms he's experiencing were similiar to mine and why some other symptoms don't correlate with what I felt (but then again we all possess our own unique type of body biochemistry and withdrawal symptoms from the same med with a person ingesting the exact same dosage over the same period type of time can still differ). Withdrawal symptoms can still differ in symptomtalogy (type, intensity, and duration) from person to person, I'm not saying I'm a "DOCTOR", but I can relate, having already been through it, withdrawals symptoms both contain "SPECIFICS and GENERALITIES" as attributes. What you can do as a "WIFE" is support him in any way possible. During the withdrawal stage he's going to regress (become like a little boy), I know women hate that when men regress, it places all the "BURDEN" on the women's shoulder, maybe that's why you're so "ANGERED and FRUSTRATED", Not to "WORRY" what he's past the withdrawal syndrome, he'll be back to his normal "SELF" again. Once he gets past the withdrawal, with the "DOCTOR's OKAY" get him started on a exercise program (both cardio and strength-training)(have him ingest a fair amount (3 mugs divided throughout the day, don't worry about caffeine content, it's only like 20mg per mug, compared to black tea which has 60mg) of green tea (it's a great antioxidant and liver protector and stimulates GABA Receptors which bring about a relaxed clarity) every day), no refined "Carbs" (white bread, potatoes, and any type of refined sugar product such as cookies or cake) are to be ingested, they cause spikes and the accompaning "dips" (which can make a person very irritable, just ask a diabetic whose has gone into "insulin shock", and individuals may seek relief through med use, which, of course is not the answer and will intensify the underlying problem and only "U" know what that is, right) that follow in "blood sugar level" can drive him back to the meds )cuz the brain comsumes (25% for the glucose within the bloodstream, that a considerable amount when you take into effect that it only weighs three-fourths of a pound), only "Complex Carbs, I.E. Fruits and Vegetables" (these take longer for the body to break-down, so in turn the brain receives a steady flow of "glucose", there are no "spikes or dips" along with these changes lean cuts of protein such as skinless chicken and/or fish preferably "Wild Red Sock-Eye Salmon") can be purchased at a Store call "WHOLE FOODS MARKET" not "farm-raised, their injected with growth hormones, so that they can be brought to market faster", along with all this introduce him to differing positive environments, like for example, museums, zoos, and/or even a college campuses, this will distract his mind from the meds and at the same time increase the possibility that he may acquire a new positive "INTEREST" and/or "HOBBY". Along with all this encourage (but don't force it on him) to quit smoking and at all costs "Total abstainence of "ALCOHOL" (A destoryer of lives, an enemy that by all means should be avoided), introduction of supplements is vital (a good multi-vitamin and mineral complex will be efficient) but you'll probably have to supplement that supplement with "Calcium-Magnesium combo, Calcium, by the way is a natural calmative", also Vitamin "C" (Ester-C is a good form of vitamin "C", Vitamin "E" (the natural kind, when purchasing, view label, it should say "d-Alpha Tocopheryl Acetate", if is says "dL-Alpha Tocopheryl Acetate, notice the "L" after the "D", that the synthetic vitamin E is not absorbed as well as the natural kind is, and "Selenium" (you can take a supplement or the best natural source is "Brazil Nuts"), which is known to improve mood. Also, have him "socially-interact" with positive individuals or join a support group that understands what he's going through and can advise him even further. Anyway, I hope he feels better but more so I hope you "FEEL BETTER" can "bear the burden and follow-through, while he's recovering, right now in this moment of "Space and Time" your the stronger one, there will be a time when both parties will balance the load". Give it time and all will be "WELL" Keep your "KEWL". Anyway, I haven't had breakfast yet, think I'll go have a "D"Anjou Pear". I bring the my former thread back to the top of this forum, it will labeled "XANAX" Withdrawls poster will be "REEL_X_4U, that's me. Hope this post provided "U" with some insight and "SELF-EMPOWERMENT" GOOD LUCK!!!! 
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Some men see things as they are and say "WHY"!!
Some men see things as they are and say "WHY"!!
I've dreamt of things that never were, and say "WHY NOT"!!
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snakey
Member
Reged: 05/20/03
Posts: 103
Loc: cally
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just a comment,I thought that was very nice of you to take the time and right that,it is nice to see caring people..snakey
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Reel_X_4U
Enthusiast
Reged: 04/24/03
Posts: 255
Loc: Queens, New York City
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Thank You for the compliment "Snakey". I always try my best to help others who are in "CRISIS" like Lisa's husband (right now he's probably not able respond currently, hell it took me two months to re-enter the social world and DB itself) and most of all Lisa herself, who has bear the burden needs support from the rest of us. As a person (who's altrustic, by nature), I "REELLY" felt for her and her husband and having already been through it myself, I thought I provide her with some insight. She overloaded right now and needs the "reassurence" and the "acknowledement" that we all are there for her. She's a woman, wife, sister, and mother and I've always had a soft spot for women. Afterall as men, we must meet her emotional needs the best we can. And "GOD" watchs all and knows my "intentions" are pure and "true to the heart". And even though I'm young (25 to be exact) and I've had limited "Life Experience" due to age. I understand women and I am one of those type of men that come to the rescue when a woman is in distress. I trully admire them and respect them with all my heart. Lisa don't worry I'm with you in "HEART" and if there is anything you need just give me a "Holler" (Post it or PM me) and I will try my best to listen and advise you. Of course, women are "resourceful" and usually find a solution to their delimma(s). In this case, time, diet, melodic Trance music (to help with the cardio), and exercise will go a long way to resolve the issue. But Lisa, if you apply the same techniques, it will help you cope and also religion has place in all of this along with physical world, there must be faith with the spiritual realm (meditation, yoga, prayer, and a firm belief that everything happens for a reason and "CHAOS" is a catalyst for change (which is why this "REELLY" is happening, there's a good possibility that her husband might become med-free after he recovers). Lisa's world is going to change for the better, but she will have endure this brief moment of "uncertainity", as she stumbles momentarily in "darkness", I'm there with a candle, to lead the way and allow her find her true path in life. And at the "END" all will fall into place and her suffering will be over and then she find someone else in "CRISIS" and lead them to into the "LIGHT" and so on and so on. Thanx for the compliment once again "SNAKEY", I trully appreciated it. You would never guess I'm from "New York City", borned and bred, And I was want to Thank all the other posters who posted supportive posts to Lisa in her time of need. See Lisa you're not alone!!, we're all here with "U".
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Some men see things as they are and say "WHY"!!
Some men see things as they are and say "WHY"!!
I've dreamt of things that never were, and say "WHY NOT"!!
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CeeBee
Member
Reged: 08/09/03
Posts: 185
Loc: garden state
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Lisa, I read all the posts, and I really felt for you, I hope that your husband can keep it together for you guys and never, ever have to go through that horror again. I think all in all you have been really supportive for him, and hopefully you have been through the worst of it. You certainly don't want to go through that abusive stuff again, although he probably had no control at that time. And Reel your posts were great.
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