Please do tell YawKaw I've asked about him. See if he'll send me a PM. I want him to know that I start on the Sub or Bup or whatever it's called on November 16th!

I'm scared to death but determined. It's all because of YawKaw that I even considered taking the first step to begin with. He's such an encourager! I want him to know. And it's because of all the other supporters on this board - yes you - that motivates me to continue to walk towards the path of healing.

Anyway, I miss lovely11....or wait a minute, that's me.

I do miss myself. My old self. The self that used to go outside and play, the self that drew flowers on the street with sidewalk chalk with my grandkids, the self that flew kites with them and threw baseballs and shot hoops, and swung a golf club and loved people. The self that didn't sit at home with the shades drawn, the ringer off, dreading getting dressed just to go to work, which I also used to love doing. I miss that person terribly.

I'm praying that as of November 16th, I'll be crawling in the right direction to the place that will take me to where I can find me.

Thanks for listening guys. You all ROCK!

Back to reality for now. I'm counting the days, obsessing about what I'm going to do to fill the void, anxiously contemplating the expected result. I'm scared!