I am a man, and I have also been raped. It is just as devestating to a man as it is to a woman. Perhaps a little more so because some men begin to question their own masculinity after such an attack. Because I have always been secure about my own manhood, it didn't leave me questioning myself in some way. The effects however, did stay with me for many years. There were certain things I simply couldn't do with a lover any longer. It took a lot of time, but I did eventually recover. I've become an advocate for stronger rape laws, including chemical castration. (Although, I really would like to see a physical one instead!) No women ever deserves to be raped, no matter what. We men are responsible for our own actions. Saying that we were provoked in some way by scantily clad dress, or some woman flirting with us, is NOT am excuse for rape. Rape is an abuse of power, pure and simple. Rapists are sick men who deserve to spend long periods in prison and be chemically castrated.

After the attack I endured, I did question how I responded to women in general (I became very shy around women and would not act on a clear invitiation to take our relationship further)....and it actually took a lesbian friend to show me the error in my own thinking. Each and every man is responsible for his own actions. It doesn't matter what those actions may be. Fits of temper, rape, general violence of some kind, abuse both physical or mental, it doesn't matter. Men of honor DO NOT act dishonorably, and that includes pressuring a woman to do something with us just because we are hot to trot. My lesbian friend helped me understand that I had to take responsibilty for my own actions, and should not feel guiltly for what was done to me. I didn't 'provoke' my rape, it was simply a case of a man who was bigger and stronger than me who felt I needed humbling, and this was the best way he had of doing it. It wasn't right then, and it isn't right now.

I am still somewhat circumspect with women, and usually have to bashed over the head to get the message they would like to do something a bit more physical with me. Even then, I give them every opportunity to say no. And I accept that no for what it is. No doesn't not mean maybe, or coax me some more and I might say yes. No means no. Goddess, my last g/f almost had to hit me with a brick upside the head a few times before I got the message she wanted me to get more physical with her. Even then, I did give her every opportunity to back out, and I would have accepted that on face value. My lesbian friend (and several others) taught me ways to pleasure a woman that doesn't even involve the use of my manhood. It is such a pleasure to be able to do that now. Any problems I once had with certain sexual practises have now gone the way of all bad experiences....and again, that is thanks to my friend, and her friends. They educated me in ways I am forever grateful for now.

No woman EVER 'deserves' to be raped, or beaten or abused in any way. (Men either, and there is more of that going on than most people realize.) If all men take FULL responsibility for their actions, there would be a lot less rapes, but because this is not the case, all I can do is educate my own small corner of the world.

D2003