hi there,

i get SO angry

at hypochondriacs, liars for
greed, when it's everything we can do some days just to get out of bed. the pain alone causes depression & it's a funny thing isnt' it, i wonder what non-depressives, functional people really think that depression is. maybe "girl interuppted?" everyone's perception is different but i know a hell of a lot of actreses, who do a darn good job at acting out anything they want.

it took me 3 years before i went before an AJ shaking so hard that i couldn't even remember what to say. all i could think of is that here we sit, not judging my pain to be worthy of compensation, but whether or not i'm a liar looking for a free lunch.

i'd gotten to the point that i thougt I too, must surely had to act a certain way to win their approval. my atty. even told me to be more this, more that, he even had a guy lie down on the floor during the interview.

knowing what i was supposed to say tho, seemed really benign. it was the same stuff i had written about & why would they should approve. if they had read "that" twice before why approve it now ?

so in the beginning, when all the legalities & swearing in was done, i started by saying that "i want to say something before we start...."the judge gave me a nod. i said "i didn't go to college out of HS. i went when i knew what i wanted to be & then i worked my way thru school for 5 years, IN that industry. when i graduated, i got the best job i could have dreamed for & was one of the lucky people in this world that wake up in the morning, & look forward to going to work.... i loved my job, & then it was all taken away from me in an instant 2 years ago....at that point, the judge interrupted me & asked, yes, yes, we KNOW all that. no they didn't. "what we want to know is what is your daily life like?" my daily life? i hadn't even thought of that. anyone could make THAT up.

anyway, i went on to shakily answer his questions, & probably got very lucky, because there was a doctor on the committee that morning from a nearby lg. city who happened to put my PM on a pedestal. i don't think it mattered what i said, b/c i didn't say much at all, & what i did sounded like an idiot trying to cough up a frog. even I thought i sounded like a fraud.

when the judge said that he'd heard everything he needed to hear to make a decision, i thought i would just start crying. independent all my life, able to contribute, give back & more, & now totally dependent to a good man (my husband) that i WOULD NOT & refused to believe didn't resent me. wwho wouldn't? i was just a mooch.

my atty. came out in 2 minutes & said "you got it". he was surprised too.

first i'd like to hear of some other's court of appeals experiences.

secondly, my 3 year review is this august, & i'm wondering how the courts will find a person using OPS.

third, has any one gone thru a 1 year or 3 year review & would share that experience w/me, PLEASE?????

please feel free to PM me w/anything as well.... i'm extremely distressed about going thru this again. i'm certainly no better now than then, but it's these people's jobs to weed out the liars. that's why 90% of apps are denied on the 1st round thru. does anyone know of any stats for the reviews?

sincerely & in all honesty,

annie