Luthien, I've been thinking about this. I think one gets better response when you go in looking decent--I know, not ready for a flight to Vegas with the girls!
I think when one does look a little put together, there is a little less tendency to get defensive or weepy--you know you're trying and and you're showing it!!
I think when I've looked exactly how I felt, it's always worked against me. (Wow! What does that say?) So I try to go in with book or something so I don't get fidgety. I try to look groomed and composed. I try to remember that doesn't make me an injury-free gymnast. I still have the right to be an attractive woman.
If someone tells you you look good, just say "Thank you." calmly and leave it at that. Sure, they may be leaving you an opening to get flustered and explain that just because you look ok doesn't mean you don't hurt, or that you don't look like this everyday. But you don't have to take that opening.
The sooner the people who deal with you in this context realize that you perceive your pain separately from other parts of your life, I think the easier you will have it. I hope so.
That being said, there are times when it is all I can do to get to the doctor's office....pale and chapped all over...so you see, I don't even listen to myself