Thank you so much scarrlett, I am sending a big hug to you. But now I am scared and I can't stop crying; is this going to happen to the OPs? I live in CA, what will I do? We are really moving toward all this monitoring of in-state doctors...
I am sure I can find a certain kind of doctor, and it kills me that I wouldn't care anymore, if I could just know I wouldn't be in pain. But I would never know that would I? I would have to be scared between each appointmen t that someone had closed him down...
Reading this today, I can't stop crying, and I can't help feeling that all those people who don't have pain, who are so so "righteous" don't understand why I don't stop deluding myself and find a good heroin dealer so they can finally get around to putting me in prison where I belong, for not getting better.
This is PMS talking I think but still, I read what that Mr. Stumbo said, and I thought, how did this man get so lucky, that no one in his family has suffered enough pain that he knows how it swallows up relief of any kind...if he wanted to make me scared, he did...because I see that no matter what I say or do or accomplish, when I say I, I mean many of us here, I will always be a substandard human being. Isn't that up to God to decide? Not a civil servant?
I am so upset...if he thinks the way he does...that someone waiting at home all day for a package finally comes in to pick it up, and they are "distraught," and he only sees "high," when probably they are far from high, if they have to pick something up...And the amounts he quotes, MY GOD!!! To be a terminal patient in his area, I guess one would hope to go quickly...

Thank you so much scarrlett for all the kind and truly meant words you told me, but now all I feel is worthless. I see that in the real world, I am worthless. I am a loser. I didn't get better. I just feel like my heart is breaking right now...it doesn't matter how hard one tries to share that one is still a person...