BEFORE YOU READ THIS POST; I WILL NEVER EVERY TRY TO OFF MYSELF AGAIN, SO WHEN YOU READ ANYTHING LIKE THAT; IT'S JUST MY MORBID SENSE OF FUN.... PLEASE, ANYONE HERE WHO FEELS SERIOUSLY THIS IS THE ONLY OPTION, SCREAM LONG AND LOUD TO US AND ANYONE WITHIN REACH. IT JUST DOES NOT SOLVE IT. I PROMISE.

Hmmm, still having trouble posting the way I used to, because I am still so close to..suicide by ocean, large thing without feelings, but don't want to leave the house uncleaned and mess up the train schedule for everyone else, so I make it thru another day.

That would be the only reason.
I am down to two cats and I know they will be taken care of.
My husband would probably be better off.

Okay...reason for post...

When I was twenty I was incredibly (for my LA area, era, and appearance) drug-naive. No drugs, no tolerance.

I needed to have teeth pulled for braces (thank you Retail Clerks UNION!!!!))) and my wisdoms came in too. They tried to split up the surgeries, but I said "please do it at once."

So they did.

I would not go under. Would not. Freaked out the surgeon. Woke up and was told I was in unusual pain.

Doctor wrote Diladud for me. Still don't know how to pronounce that; but it was to me a huge amount...he said with eight teeth out at once and my reaction so far, he would be surprised not to see me again.

This is what I still remember: My then boyfriend was calling around to fill this; no one wanted to tell him if they had it (pharm, that is) for fear of hold-ups.

Finally found it filled it used it.
Guess what.
Just took the edge of the pain. If I had any idea what that meant, yes, to hell with other's trauma, I would have walked in front of something. But I didn't.

I used it til I didn't need it; threw the rest away; never thought about it.
I remembered this experience finally early this year when going thru this latest bout of self-hatred and irritation.
Maybe I just don't have the right stuff. To kill pain.

I post this story so others will feel less 'weak'. I am beginning to think pain perception is like blue eyes or earlobes, only difference is that one can train oneself to a point to disregard pain. But the initial sensation, well, that, just comes as it will.

I too just went thru cleaning and pain and was offered nothing. I still have a molar that is infecting my sinuses but my insurance works on the 'ignore and wait til they go away plan' so I am trying to fix my back first.

I think it is an excellent idea to blacklist rude doctors, not say they won't prescribe, just quote hurtful comments and actions...see how many of THEM want to stand up for themselves and believe in themselves after humiliation...