Coty,
I have read all the responses to this thread and just wanted to add one more thing. It was vaguely touched on but I just wanted to make sure that you get the most out of eveyones advise. I too, was in an abusive relationship for about 5 years until I met the wonderful man I'm married to today, going on 20 years now. The abusive relationship I was in started out like a honeymoon although thank God I was not married to him, nor did we have children. The one thing I wanted to add to all the great advise that you've gotten thus far is this: These abusive men have a tendency to be extrememly remorseful after the fact. It may not happen right away, but I can not tell you the number of times this man would hit me only to come back days or weeks later and cry and beg and plead for my forgiveness, that it would never happen again, that he would do everything in his power to make it up to me and prove that he loved me. Everytime there was an abusive situation was when he was drinking. He was extremely jealous and after a few drinks I would get accused with sleeping with every man under the sun including his own father. I was never unfaithful so that came from his own insecurities, but nevertheless everytime he was drunk I would get accused of something and he would hit me. One time he started hitting me until I started screaming for help and then he would stop but as soon as I tried to move from the chair I was in he would go at me again. I left so many times and he would always find me and the same old thing, he'd cry, beg, plead and promise. My self esteem went staight down the toilet after a time and it felt like I could do no better and I might as well stay hoping he would change. Believe me, they don't. This is a learned behavior, which he learned from watching his father. And when he was sober he was wonderful and I knew he wouldn't lay a hand on me and never did, only when he'd been drinking. So I guess the point I'm trying to make is that he will come back and beg for forgiveness and promise never to do it again. Don't believe it. It won't stop until he's off the drugs and alcohol and maybe not even then. Women die from staying in these abusive relationships because they keep getting knocked down in the self esteem and the self confidence dept. so they stay until it's too late. Don't let that happen to you. If you think it's only the drugs and alcohol doing this to him do not take him back unless he gets help and is clean for a good long time and then really give it some thought. By that time you will have regained your confidence and may realize that it's just not worth the risk. He's sick and he needs help, don't let him near you until he gets help and then and only then really, really decide if this is what you want. I can almost gaurentee that you will be strong enough that you won't feel like you need him anymore. This is coming from experience, I just thank God I got out when I did or I might not be here to reply to this thread. Get strong, and when he says he's sorry, don't believe it, he's not, he's too much in love with his vices to love you or himself right now. You'll be in my prayers.
Curious