I appreciate all your posts and i don't mind the harsh words as i need them however in response to dhc_60 "it sounds like you dont have records for your pain meds " I have plenty of medical records i was nearly killed in a car accident in 1993 that started all my problems and since have had a few other accidents that hasn't helped my pain. I have been on hydro's since 1993 to control my pain as when i don't have it under control i can't sit, stand, lay or anything for more than 30-45 minutes at a time so yes my meds are very important to me as i don't need the pain to cause more depression on top of what i am going thru. And after joining the board and reading the post i thought people here had an understanding that seeking help for chronic pain did not make me an addict as being able to control my pain gave me quality of life instead of making me have a miserable life in pain all the time and never being able to find a comfortable position and having no hope for a better life. So i thought people would understand that with all my other life stressers i didn't need to be in constant pain and in withdrawl on top of it. And as for my lack of concern for the dui charge i wasn't so concerned about like i had said i had been married to an alcholic that had multiple dui's and always got out of them so i was falling back on what i had experienced b4 with him. And if i thought i could have a quality life and live with the pain i would quit cold turkey and suffer the withdrawl but i know how bad the pain is and how i can't get comfortable or even think of anything else other than my pain when i don't have any med's. and in 11 years i have never tried to get anything stronger than hydro's as i feel they control my pain enough to give me a quality life and don't need anything stronger. yes i need the harsh words about not taking my husband back as i am very lonely right now but just because i need pain meds to give me a life worth living doesn't make me an addict or even if it does i would rather be an addict than in misery all the time and dreading everyday of my life and feeling like it's not worth living with the pain. But i don't know i am just so depressed and confused right now you all have made me think maybe i should have just let him have my meds and said nothing about it i'm alone i have no kids maybe i should just live in pain it couldn't be worse than what i am feeling now maybe i should suffer maybe i have done something and i deserve it even if i was suffering in servere pain i wouldn't be alone and the fight wouldn't have happened. I just believed for such along time that since there is med's out there to help me with my pain i shouldn't have to suffer (I thought that was why they made them) but maybe you all are right i should just grit my teeth and bare it and suffer the pain and depression.

Coty