I am so sorry to here this I know what you mean about missing him even thow he abused you and that is normal you
Love first it is never ok for him it abuse you!!!!!!!
It most likely is the meds making him like this but you have to keep your self and kids if you have them save that is the most importon thing to do you can help him if you are not ok your self I should never say it ok to take him back (and it isn't if he doesn't get help) and if you take him back at this time he will not get the help he needs and it will happen agene I know I have been their and the hardest
Thing to do is not take him back and most people will tell you if he hit u he will always hit you and at this point it may be true but it can get better with the right help and a very long time but an till he get it you can't let him back in I know how hard this will be about 112 years ago I was doing thow this with my hubby we was young and he hit me I keep leavening but would all way go back so he had now reason to get better why should he I always came back!
We after my kid was born I left for over a year it was hard every hard but ounces he knew I was not going to take it any more and he wanted the help he and we got it another year went by with me livening on my own going to consoling and him going to treatment
For abuse we got it together it been about 12 years now and he has never hit me agene and I have done things that I would have hit me if I was him
But it took lots of work and help if you get counseling make sure they have a back ground in abuse or they with but some of the blame on you and trust me it is not your doing nothing you do make it ok for him to hit you. He is not your dad (not that that is ok to hit your kids) but you know what I mean but place’s don’t take him back right now with out getting help lot and lots of it if he will not get help you get it for your self with out him in your live I know this going to be so hard 100 harded that stoping meds them self but even if this Is the first time he has hit you it for the best and in time you will see this I am here if you need anything keep your self save!!!
it will get better with or with out him!if you get help
i know i shouldn't say he can get better (the abuse) and most time it doesn't but i know that is not what you want to here right now so i told you how things did work with me and my hubby it is odd that it works out ok but only if he and you get help for this and him for the meds to even if he need them for pain he need to control it so he don't get to this pont but like i said don't take him back right now not even when he sads he will get help make him get it first and keep geting it if he says we will get it and you let him come home he will not or he may go a few time but then stop